Hi, I just need some direction, guidance or advice. I have been married to my school love for 18 years, we have 3 children, one is already out of the house. My husband has always been the jealous possessive one and has always accused me of adultery although there have always been many stories about him, but he has just that way of turning a story that I sometimes wonder if I really heard it and whether if so, then I just leave everything as usual. A year ago I started talking to a man who just told me the most beautiful things and I wondered if I didn’t deserve better. It was serious just talking, nothing more. My husband caught me, and was slapped on it and from there, everything that happened before is only 100 times worse. He breaks me down weekly, curses and scolds me daily and then the next day he makes as if nothing happened. Want to divorce and hate me and curse me under my clothes and then I have to accept again if he says sorry that everything is okay. He is never home and I am always at home but still I am always in trouble and it gets me emotional, I can no longer. What would you suggest that is best for me and my children?
I have dated a narc for about 2 years on and off. To be honest the longest and worst 2 years of my life… The abuse (fiscally, emotionally) I endured still confuses me. How could I have allowed it to happen? How could I have been so blind? The fiscal abuse is over and behind me BUT the emotional abuse I am still going through is just starting to really piss me off. The new supply in his life is actually sending me photos of them and her wearing his clothes, I feel this is so unnecessary. I want to seriously bitch slap this woman for enjoying my pain and heartache so much (that’s what’s wrong with society today) BUT then again I feel sorry for her because I know what’s waiting for her… My narc ex left me when I was seven months pregnant, he went back to his home town and left me behind even though I begged him not to. I was bad mouthed when ever it went bad with him and when he needed something I was made empty promises, after 2 months he “convinced me” (manipulated) me to follow him and have our baby boy there by him. 4 days before I have to leave he tells me it’s over he met someone else. I later find out that he knew her for exactly 24 hours and basically moved in with her. WTF??? I was crushed beyond my foundations and walls every piece of me, he is unfortunately the love of my life, f*** what luck… ever since it’s been a game for him playing me and his new supply off each other. Then he leaves her and I’m everything for a few days or weeks and then he leaves again. It’s been 5 days now with no contact, he left me again just 2 weeks ago, our son is 3 months old. He was great with our son but very impatient which scared me because I know how he can get… I gave myself goals after the last smear campaign he has started now, 7 days without any contact and then then next 7 days no more checking his FB profile.
If I can do just those 2 things for 9 days I will be fine… Won’t I ?! There must be a light somewhere in this darkness…
I’m confident I’m following my court order to a tee and exchanging my daughter where I’m supposed to. She wants a change and have me drive all the time and 4 times as much this summer. My choices are:
1. follow the order, not give into her control and have the police called on me for the 11th time with my daughter around. (Never committed or been charged for a crime) nor will I this time.
2. Give into my abuser for the chaos she brings and save my daughter from the abusive behavior.
Court is a long process and will run its course due to the 10 years of abuse and mental health is exposed. In the short term, any advice for my no win situation? Stand my ground and manage the police with my daughter around or give into the perpetual abuse to shield my daughter from the drama? So torn.
Here is what she emailed me:
RE: Pick up and Drop off
If our daughter is not dropped off at 12:30 at My friends I will call the police for parental abduction as you are not authorized to have her passed 12:30. And have agreed upon dropping her off on camera at My friends.
I have been married for long 16 years. I have 6 kids from him. It’s my first marriage but he married many times before me, after 2 years of marriage I got to know that he had multiple marriages and divorces before me. He told me that all his exes were crazy and had relationship with other men. (all his exes didn’t care for him, he did lots for them but they didn’t.)
When I got married with him he was so nice, loving and caring to me, he was very compassionate, and had respect for me. He spent all his time with me. He loved me so much. He spent money generously on me, took care of me like a precious thing
but during this period he never trusted me with his money and never gave me money. He insisted in buying me things which he liked not what I liked. He took to me shopping and bought everything that he liked to buy for me. He imposed his opinion on me, he called me stupid and insane, mocked me before his family, and he felt happy. When I complained about that he said he was joking but when I wanted things which I liked and love to buy he said that he didn’t have that much money. He is rich man. He never bought very expensive stuff for me even though he is a wealthy man.
When I was happy he became angry and his mood was off suddenly, every time when there were any special occasions (anniversary, birthdays, kids birthdays, he always ruined our happiness). He always has his mood off and angry, I always wonder why he behaves like this) but besides all this he isolated me from my friends and family, (which I didn’t realise, then I just realised all these after I joined this page, this page helped me lot to understand him thanks Anne.) He doesn’t want me to meet anyone, he used to tell me that they are not good, they are jealous of us, they are mean, they will break us apart, and I believed all this. He was so convincing. He doesn’t allow me to go anywhere without him even for groceries, shopping ‘and family gatherings.
He never wanted me to have my own money or any bank account, and still I don’t have any penny for me or my own bank account. He provides me and my kids everything but also he always complains. I guess that he has no money , he is in debt and his business is not going well.) He never trusts me with his money, and he hides his all personal details from me, but he always checks on my phone and all my personal stuff, and does same with my kids. He is very dominating and he controls everything , financial and other things, for example if we have to give gifts to any family or friends, he takes me with him for shopping but he always give gifts or money by himself to friends, or family members, he doesn’t even trust me with these matters.
He never wants me to talk to any men but he always has long conversations with women during family gatherings and and at public places if he gets the chance to talk to a women.
He has many women as friends and he told me they are just his friends. After a long time of marriage he suddenly started accusing me of relationships with other men.
He accused me of collecting men at home in his absence. I was shocked at all these accusations, I did not understand why he started to accuse me. I told him that I only love him and my kids, I don’t want anything before my family. I called his family and friends and also some of my family friends. Not a single one believed him. They all said that he was just lying, but he still insists that I have adulterous relations with other men. I don’t go anywhere without him, I never ever go without him during this marriage. He dominated me. I lost my self esteem. I am always doubted. He wants me to always obey him without questioning. He wants me to never complain, never ask for anything for me and never ask for any freedom. At the start I was always crying at his accusations, I was in severe depression, I was wondering why he changed suddenly , why he accused me of things that I never did. He withholds physical relations for months, he is ghosting with me. When he wants to talk me he talks, when he wants to take me anywhere he takes, for a few days he starts behaving like he is very good to me but after a few days he changes again. I never understand what he wants. I am in a situation where I don’t have resources to live alone with my kids, I am all alone.
What should I do? He is a rich man and I have nothing. I am afraid that if I leave him may be he gets my kids, my only concern is my kids, my only purpose in life is my kids, I want to raise them as good human beings, I want them as successful human beings.
I can not live without my kids, they are my everything, I am afraid, I feel alone. What should i do? Should I stay with him for the sake of my kids as they are too young. I don’t want for them a broken family.
Let me ask this…
June 2016 I was in a horrific car accident because I confronted my boyfriend how he was treating me. I asked if this was the way he was to ex-wife that lead to her infidelity.
He put his seatbelt on, not even 10 seconds later, he slammed on his brakes knowing I was not buckled in( I NEVER WORE MY SEATBELT UNTIL BEFORE THAT DAY). My face slammed into the windshield as we went from 0 to 70. When he slammed on his brakes, his rear brakes locked up( I had been telling him they needed replaced for months, they were waiting to be replaced the next day on the carport), we ended up front end into the guard rail where my shoe got caught and broke my foot but kept me in the vehicle after smashing the windshield again with my face, the air bags finally deploying into my left knee while I was on the dash… Waking up wondering if we hurt anyone.
I lied to the police, and told them it was accident…
Got an Uber to head home instead of EMS taking me to the hospital.(After screaming at him he didn’t care if my Son had a Mother)
His Father picked him up, brought him home, decided to cuss me out how I am a drunk and everything else… I never understood why… (Even as the adult told me to go to sleep though I had a concussion)
Until, I found my old man had told his entire family and friend circle, I grabbed the steering wheel and threw us into the guardrail…
Let me ask logical questions… If I grabbed the wheel wouldn’t have my face only hit once? If I grabbed the wheel how did I end up in the dash before the airbags deployed?
What other logical questions can I ask them to find the truth on their own?
How can one show an abusive ex spouse, his flying monkey crew is on social media stalking & taunting you? (sending messages to the Pastors/life coach portraying him as the victim and me having a non expired Protection Order against him, despite his name is blocked.)
My ex always tried using God against me and his family tried telling me if and when & If I ever left him that God’s gonna get me/I’m in Gods hands meaning gloom in doom
I’m the devil yea ok !
Now since I’ve obtained a Permanent protection order/Non Expire!!! he’s scared I’m gonna collect CS & seeing negative patterns repeated Smear campaigns, indirectly making my name look bad, him breaking the PPO by 3rd party subliminal messages.
I know it’s him, hating fan club because when I try to leave a few times in the past he always calls my former pastor, telling the pastor to make me reconcile, go back to him, he always begged others via social media for prayers, using his emotions to manipulate others playing a good victim.
I am searching for an answer to a specific question. I have a narcissistic mother (81 years old) and have a question I have been searching for answers without success. I have limited contact with her at this point in my life. I’m 50 and have a grandchild of my own. When I have to be around her she takes every opportunity to take jabs at me. My question is how do I respond in the moment to this type of behavior? Do I just ignore it/her or tell her it bothers me? I DO NOT want to give her the “high” shes looking for and want to respond in a way that will be best for me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
My narcissistic brother who clearly got his traits from my mother has ramped up his controlling nasty behaviour towards me. We unfortunately bought a house 12 year ago as an investment and over the years I’ve lived there, he’s lived there or it’s been let out. Last 6 years he’s been in the property paying for it etc, until about 3 years ago he defaulted every month as he was spending money on drugs , obviously I kicked off as I have a mortgage with my partner and I’d receive horrible texts off him along the lines off “I am disgusted with your lack of pity towards me” we both have endured so much as siblings!! So any way that’s not all, I had my little boy and he never came and seen me for 6 weeks, ‘obviously jealous’ he’s always seemed to have this jealousy towards my partner for taking his sister away , bear in mind I’ve always looked after him until I met my partner and realised he was vile towards me!! He even told his army boss once when he went out drinking and didn’t turn up for parade that he was in hospital as his sister had been diagnosed with cancer!!! So the house, he’s lived in it till last year I asked him to sell it, he let it out to someone without telling me and he failed affordability check to take it on himself, and now he said if his tenant moves out ( he’s told me he will ) he wont be paying anything towards it , he said he’s going bankrupt and he’s helping me !!! He also as normal keeps being so aggressive and nasty even if I’m civil towards him and constantly says I’m a nasty piece of work just like your mother ( she’s also a narc) who I have no contact with , I really dont know how to get away from him , even if he goes bankrupt he’s still on mortgage and the controlling abuse never stops he’s using this house against me.
Hi there, I only came across your group tonight, which in fact I should have years ago.
Six years ago I started a secret relationship with a married man(which I am not proud of) that was everything I’d ever wanted. Handsome, charming, soft spoken, kind. But things quickly turned sour and I found this MR Right turning into a manipulative and evil individual. He put me down in every possible way, criticizing my appearance, lifestyle, education, family, character…
Not to mention that I found out very soon in the relationship that he had several sexual relationships with women that were not quite appropriate for his exquisite taste.
There was so much pain, low self esteem, self hatred on my part that I sometimes wonder how is it possible that a reasonably bright, fairly attractive woman with a bubbly personality turned into this pile of mess?
He made me believe I was crazy, paranoid, jealous and stupid.
Since I always sensed his dishonesty I found proof of his constant lies and deceit 2 weeks ago.
When I very gently exposed that what he’d told me wasn’t exactly accurate, he slammed the phone down and cut all contact.
I tried to phone back but I don’t exist anymore.I even blamed myself for exposing his lies.
After two weeks of insomnia, anti depressants, alcohol and extreme emotional and physical pain I feel completely numb at times, then totally hysterical at others.
I would be most grateful for some advice.
I need help to break free and stay free. I kicked him out again but I’m missing him.