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Will I ever recover?

Will I ever recover?

I was a single mom. I met a man. I thought this man was what I was missing in my life. He cane in and was everything at the time I thought I needed. We met and he quickly told me he fell in love fast and he wanted to marry me. I married him 2 weeks later. At first he was really sweet. Although yes! He showed signs of just who he was before. I continued with him. He was constantly back and forth. Almost obsessive over me. And I won’t lie. A part of me loved that. He was emotionally abusive. He would say really mean things. Although I would say mean things back. He wanted to have a baby with me. I got pregnant our honeymoon weekend. I am now currently 15 weeks pregnant. He left me a month ago. I got the mean discard. He said every cruel thing he could say. Told me he didn’t love me and he wanted to actually sign his rights over to this child. Even questioned if this child was his. He doesn’t reach out to me. Nor ask about anything. Mind you, he had me quit my job. So he left me. Jobless and to do for myself. No way to provide for myself or children. I told him I would never forgive him. He then told me that he doesn’t need forgiving. He hasn’t done anything. He says he wants a divorce. I am so hurt and just so confused. Will I ever recover. What kind of any parent will he be to this child. How do I put this abuse past me. I know now that all his relationships have ended badly. He always told me it was the others fault. Mind you I was his 4th wife. We are only 34. I was a fool. I fell for a monster. How did this happen to me? What do I do from this point on? Please help.

I believed I was crazy

I believed I was crazy

I was married 6 years gaslighted and believed I was crazy until he left and then I started seeing all the manipulation financial and emotional. Got dragged to court falsely accused lost custody job career became bankrupt…he re married moved states I followed filed for custody he got the lawyer tied in with Judge. I lost more than I had. Now in the new state in isolation. Child 12 years old sees and understands all going on. I feel trapped can’t do anything he controls all via child and I am at his mercy. He’s getting divorced again but his wife spends the night with him though they are separated. Cant understand what is going on. Life is hard

I’ve never been so depressed

I’ve never been so depressed

Please help me! I divorced a very very true narcissist! I was married for 14 years with him for 22 hours. I knew the day I married him I shouldn’t. But I was abused all my life and felt like no one would ever love me and he played that to the fullest. Now 22years later I got enough nerve up to leave him. How I don’t know. I have two boys of course 6 years apart because he didn’t want children so he could keep me to himself but he knew I wanted children so he gave in to one then I almost left and again he gave me another child to apiece me. He promised to take care of me knowing I was broken from childhood which was his way in I realize that now. I was so afraid to divorce him because I knew what he was capable of. And I was right! Problem is I have self destructed myself for 3 years now because it’s worse being divorced to a narcissist than being married to one! I’ve never been so depressed and felt so low about myself ever even through my childhood! He has used those deep secrets against me to the core. He harassed me belittled me my children my friends my family and put me so under and I fed him the candy! I got a dui 6 months after we got divorced with my children in the car and got into an accident. I could have killed my children which I have to live with ever day forever! But we all walked away without injuries. I know it was my doing but he just kept pushing and digging and hurting and manipulating me! I never ever drank a beer and drove ever never been in trouble . I was so lost if that makes sense. He controlled my whole like after a childhood of abuse and promised to take care of me even if I was broken till I was healed. He said I promise I will let you go ! I knew he was lying ! He did t think I would actually leave. Because he thinks I’m weak which I thought I was strong enough but obviously was wrong especially against him. He continues to say and do very mean things. He has complete control of me due to the dui! I never drank before I met him he would beg for me to drink have me take muscle relaxers so I would pass out and he could do what he wanted to me. I can’t seem to stop self medicating. I try I want to but ever time I start to think and feel I hurt so bad from the inside out! I don’t want to feel this pain like when I was a little girl rocking back and forth in a corner wanting the pain and memories to go away. This past thanksgiving my ex begged me to come over said he had the flue and my boys really wanted me there. Gloves off no expectations. I do t know why but I went he not only hurt me physically but mentally along with my boys. Everything was a lie he set me up. He video taped me he put scraps on my nipples belittled me in front of the boys. All because we finally had court in a couple days after a year and a half of continuous in 2 days. He set me up my lawyer emailed me and said she’s dropping me and I know it’s because he sent the videos of us arguing. I told her I wouldn’t communicate with him and I did! He had no fever no flu he lied ! He is so sick he actually begged for my forgiveness probably so I did t call the police which by the way I’m still on probation for the dui and he knew that and even threatened me with it! I had no choice but to give in! Again he hurt me physically mentally and now my boys! I lay in bed for 3 days curled in a ball. Please if anything get from this they are vipers they will strike at anytime and any way possible. 🌹thanks for listening 🌹

Will counselling make him better?

Will counselling make him better?

Hi my ex is all what you put on here he treats me so bad verbally called me some vile things constantly mentally demanding so controlling jealous I had prove myself all the time a little physical popped nose fractured cheek bone bruises from him gripping me he did used say sorry but never changed would cry beg me back….we’ve splotches now but he’s going counselling every 2 weeks will this help him? He’s going to how to deal with things better as he gets angry quick thinks of hurting people talks to himself.. he’s now with a women he says she’s a pushover and he hates her kids…I fear for them but don’t want get involved as obviously I’ll look like some scorned ex which isn’t true.. I’m wondering will counselling make him a better person?

Should I have stayed to try and make it work?

Should I have stayed to try and make it work?

I left my fiancée and moved out of state. We would have days of constant fighting, then some great days then a few huge fights which resulted in a chair being thrown and breaking a window to him punching out a window and smearing blood on my face (which he doesn’t recall, his medicine made him do it). To him confiding in another female and bashing me. Now before I moved I left our house for three weeks. In that time he kept begging me to come back, I need to be home, he needs me there so we can work on us together and go to counselling. My teen son absolutely hates him but according to my fiancée it’s more about what we want rather than how the kids feel. My question is could he truly actually want me back? He says he knows he has made mistakes and is so apologetic and said we can go to counselling. Now that I’m out of state I’m really confused, did I just run? Should I have stayed to try and make it work? My head is so messed up I don’t know what to believe anymore.

I don’t know how to handle this

I don’t know how to handle this

My boyfriend’s ex is a narcissist and she’s currently on a smear campaign trying to drag both he and I through the mud. I really don’t know how to handle this…

It’s been nearly 5 months that we’ve been together, longer than that since he left her, and this is something that’s been going on the whole time. She takes breaks for a few weeks and then goes right back to it. There’s no contact between them, though I did contact her this last time to tell her I think she’s pathetic. Big mistake, I know.  Any words of advice?

How do I retain my relationship with my kids and balance the negative impact of my wife on them?

How do I retain my relationship with my kids and balance the negative impact of my wife on them?

Over the last year I have realised that my wife of 20+ years has NPD and that I have been a victim of her systematic abuse for as long as I can remember. Based on my online research I am clear that my only option is to leave her, however we have three children (one teenager and two under 10). I am keen to both retain my relationship with the kids and also balance the negative impact of my wife on them as they grow up. I work full time and my wife works part time a few days a week, so it is most likely if we split up the kids will remain with her on a day to day basis. My dilemma is what to say when I tell her I am leaving and want a divorce. Most of the literature and web material urges NOT to “out” a Narcissist as their wrath will be horrendous if you point out what they are. Of course getting into a “You did this and that” will end up in a circular argument of manipulation which she will always win. I am currently torn between the following two options:

1) Explain that I now realise that I am not happy and cannot be happy ever in our relationship. Attempt to not reference her behaviour and explain that it is me that has changed etc. etc. – so, effectively “take the blame”. Tell her I want to be amicable for sake of kids.

2) Explain I am leaving and I am not happy but DO point out that I now realise what she has done to me systematically over many years and I cannot take it any more. Again state I want it to be amicable for sake of kids.

Option 2 feels better to me instinctively but is this too confrontational with potential worse retribution?

My other concern is, is it safe to just walk out and leave her with the kids after dropping the message. Her behaviour is GENERALLY directed towards me but I am noticing that she uses her narcissistic techniques to a lesser extent with the kids … given how “wounded” she will be after the confrontation…are the kids at risk of retribution if I am not there to get the abuse? I am very keen to remain a key part of their lives as they grow up but the facts are its most likely that they will end up spending more time with their mum than me, and I am very aware of what a rich vein of narcissistic “supply” I have been for many years, which will create a vacuum when I am not around.

Any Advice Appreciated!

Would love to link up with similar sufferers

Would love to link up with similar sufferers

Hi-quick summary of my situation:

51 years old free spirit, married happily 27 years no kids by choice. After mother’s death last year finally went no contact with 3 siblings. This was after a lifetime of people-pleasing, but also being honest upfront forgiving and authentic with family. Around mother’s death my husband and I were basically shunned, dismissed etc. which had been going on for last 7 years, though I’d tried to ignore it/own my stuff/help them more. My spiritual work /Vipassana meditation/healing/affirmations etc. made me realise narcissistic personality disorder was rife from my mother to at least 2 siblings and the others became flying monkeys. In short, a lifetime of both my husband and I providing holidays/visits/house-sits//child-minding/dog sits/emotional support came to naught when we left Ireland and stopped playing the game. So just wondering about how to link up to similar sufferers with adult siblings/group scenarios.