I didn’t know a year ago when my daughter got married we would be literally giving her away to not be seen or talked to. She was a peacemaker, sweet, loving and trusting. Even in her teen years we never got a sore word. She’s now being that way to him. We don’t get answers to our calls and texts although occasionally if we do they’re ugly. They’re not from her. Has he taken her phone? Does she see our messages? Does she hate us and never want to talk to us again? Nothing bad ever happened. In fact he called me mom and joked and had fun with me. Then everything changed that day they got married. I feel like my daughter died but then I think it would be better if she had died. At least then we would have answers and know. It’s been a year since I lost my friend. I’m sad every day. I constantly think about her. We were close. I wake up in the morning feeling like I’ve been in a terrible accident and my pain medicine is wearing off. How do I live life normally again. And not be so sad? I’ve never been sad before. I’m a spiritual person. I pray a lot, I’ve been reading and educating myself, I talk to my husband and friends as much as I feel I can. I debate driving to see her but the books say no, she is an adult, just wait. I want to fight for my daughter. I know she’s being mentally abused but does she know it? She was close to her family. We are a very involved and close family. It’s been a year. She has no connection to us anymore and is completely alienated from everyone she ever knew. What can I do to help myself since there seems to be nothing I can do for her, I suppose?
How can I be a positive influence in her life when we’re not allowed in her life and any contact has been negative and seems to come from him?
Brief history… My ex and I split in 2012 (my choice). One child, a daughter who was 9 at the time. Horrendous legal battle ensued. He stole all assets and money (near $300,000). Never saw a cent. Has never paid child support. He had 6 lawyers, I barely could afford one as all our money was ‘gone’. After 6 child psychologist/family assessors etc etc.. I was granted sole custody, at the recommendation of the last 2 psychologists, as a result of his behaviour toward both me and my daughter. The court (without us asking) also issued a restraining order so that he could not contact us in any way (breaches still occur)… he had 5 boys from 2 previous relationships, our daughter was my first and only. I’ve always tried my best to allow the door to remain open when and if she wanted to reconnect with him or her brothers. ( she only likes 2, as 2 of the other ones used to verbally abuse her when she visited). So my dilemma is this… she is missing her brothers she likes (to note they are also 15-20 years older than her – they’re in their 30s).
She has tried to reach out to them via email, pinterest and instagram – and I am going to help her set up a FB account so she can. It’s breaking my heart because they are not responding to her and she feels so unloved by them… they are the only siblings she has, and irrespective of all the damage the ex (and the sons, yes, they were involved too) have caused, I am wanting to support my daughter where I can. What should I do? After her experience with the legal system and councillors – she will never talk to anyone again, she has no trust. I’m cautious with the brothers, knowing what I know (which my daughter is not privvy to). Im desperate, I dont know what to do. I would really appreciate any advice or suggestions at this point. Other than hugging her and telling her that my love for her is unconditional, Im at a loss. Sorry for the super long post – this is only the tip of the iceberg. Thanks
I need some support. I tried to work with my Mothers NDP until I moved to China in 2014 (at 45).My son sided with her and I miss him terribly. He is now her carer (from 17 – now and he’s just turned 21). The extended family have never heard my take on things and she’s always telling them dreadful lies. I’ve learned not to expect a civil response from any family member. I can’t write the abuse I’ve suffered. I have a successful life but I’m recovery recently from prolonged illness and mental health issues caused by years of gaslighting and abuse. The time living overseas was cut short by claims she was dying – she wasn’t, but I came back in 2016 and then she claimed I shouldn’t have come back. I’ve not lived within 2000km of her since 2015. But it’s hard. I have health problems and things get tough when I can’t work. I long for family support. Today I rang a member of the extended family (my mother’s brothers wife) – who I once had a great relationship with, to tell her I would be in her town in September. Whilst sort of polite, her disdain was obvious and she slammed down the phone in my ear. She has no idea what my life is like – the only voice is my mother’s. I was crushed. I’m really struggling and feel so alone. My last relationship was four years ago and he was NDP. I’m capable of being totally alone – but I’m tired and have become regularly suicidal. I love myself for the first time in years but I feel guilty for that. I ring her every few weeks only because I hope that having some relationship with her and trying might make my son contact me. He also gaslights. I just don’t want to feel so alone. I wanna know if I can love again, start again. If there’s hope. Can you share this with members on my behalf? I need to hear stories of recovery (not matter how long it took)?
I need to get a divorce because of emotional abuse. I don’t have much income as I don’t have a job. My husband threatens me with withholding money etc. Doesn’t do much with the kids. I don’t even know where to start except that I need a lawyer. What do I do if he doesn’t agree to the divorce? I have 2 small kids. I want to also move to a southern state. I am at a complete loss on what to do. I have no one to talk to about this.
I know from what I have read that the narcissist often ends up alone and that gives me comfort. What I would like to know is how do victims of the narcissist get over abuse and move on? I feel like I can never trust anyone again. I spend most of my time on my own or with a few good friends but as for a relationship with anyone, I don’t think I’ll ever go there again.
My father is and always has been controlling and manipulative. We have had our ups and downs over the years but I have kept him in my life because I don’t like to think that I’ve put up with all his bullshit for nothing. (He’s got money and he knows it thinking he can buy people). He’s getting old now and bad as it sounds I hope he’s not around for much longer. I know that I copied his behaviour on occasions and I’m not proud about that but if I hadn’t gone along with his ostracising people, I too would have been given this sort of treatment. I really liked one of his girlfriends who he discarded some years ago. Unfortunately this was one of the times that I went along with his ghosting. I’ve felt bad about it as she was always good to me. I met her recently and tried to apologise for my part in this sick scenario but I was blanked. She walked by me and acted like I wasn’t there. I know some of you will say I deserved it but I had to go along with my father at the time. How do I make her see that I’m sorry for the way he treated her and also for the part I played?
Hello.. I just came across your page and find it all very fascinating and informative! I have found myself in a predicament with my boyfriend’s parents both being insane. Narcissists and him having a lot of signs as it too! As he was raised in that terrible environment, so it’s learned behaviour… he seems willing to change as they just turned our whole world upside down by their antics and he has moved across country to try to make a life for us closer to my family and away from his, which I think is a good sign… any advice? As I think the emotional scars they have left him with over his 30 years on earth are going to be tough to overcome. Most articles I’ve read suggest leaving but I’m not willing to do that as we have a child together and would love for him to recover from the abuse and have a healthy happy family with me and my daughter. Thanks
Hello, I’ve been a victim of my narcissistic mother in law,she has isolated me from the rest of the family members.Now she has started turning my husband against me. I’v tried to avoid her behaviour,but she keeps calling my husband and telling him stuff that was never intentioned and never spoken of. I’ve also had to take antidepressants because of her behaviour towards me. Is isolation a form of domestic violence. Is there anyone I could talk to? How do I deal with such a person?
I absolutely love your page and thank you for making it! I am on dialysis three times a week and I have a feeling that I am being harassed and being gaslighted by the nurse practitioner at my Nephrologist’s office. I am in the process of finding another Nephrologist but I really don’t want to because I love my kidney doctor. I just don’t want to put up with the harassment and gaslighting from the nurse practitioner. Am I doing the right thing?
So here’s my experience with co-parenting.. wondering if anyone else has same experience. Her and myself were both single parents to daughters. We got together when they were 2 and 4. My daughter had rules and expectations and was disciplined. Her daughter lived with no rules and no discipline and could do no wrong in her mother’s eyes, was held to no expectations or responsibility. If at any time I tried to discipline her daughter or raised concerns I became the enemy and was met with screaming in my face, threats, name calling etc. She would use me to threaten her daughter at times to get her way. It was always like being two different households under the same roof. Anytime my ex was mad at me she would make up wild stories about my daughter or treat my daughter with disdain…in the end her daughter at 13 was into drugs, criminal behaviour, sex, never going to school. Mine went on to good grades, private college, no troubles…anyone else experience this?