(In a nutshell from a narcissist’s point of view)
When you first become entangled with me, you will always belong to me. You become mine, my property, to do with as I see fit. Your opinions, hopes and dreams are immaterial to me. You need to stop thinking of yourself and put my needs above all else. Give me all your time, attention and admiration or there will be hell to pay. Your hell, not mine.
In the beginning you were the centre of my world. Soon I will be the centre of yours.
You will learn to accept my version of the truth. I will never be responsible when things go wrong, and believe me, they will. It’s inevitable. Don’t expect me to ever accept blame. It will never be my fault. I don’t make mistakes. Instead I will shift the blame on to you each and every time.
I will manipulate you into thinking the way I do. I will control your mind and your free will, so that you start to think that you no longer have a mind of your own.
You will become so confused that you start to doubt your own reality, your very sanity and the ability to trust yourself will be slowly eroded.
I know who is good for you and who is not. If your friends and family are not on my team, you will be urged, manipulated and eventually forced into discarding them. When you have isolated yourself from your friends and family, you will be completely at my mercy, having no one but me, to turn to for support.
I will read your mind. I know what you are thinking even when you don’t know yourself.
I am above the law. Normal rules apply to everyone else, not me. What was once yours, now belongs to me. What is mine, is mine. If I want something I will have no qualms in taking it. Borrowing is another word for permanent possession, mine.
I will control your happiness or lack thereof. You will not be happy unless that happiness is brought about by me. I will control your moods so that my shame becomes yours.
Do not set boundaries. I will see those as barriers to be torn down and crossed and I will succeed.
Do not ever question me on where I am going or what I am doing. You have no right to know. Never criticize me for my behaviour. My behaviour is always above reproach. If you can’t accept that, then you have no place within my fold.
Whatever you do for me will never be enough. You could have done more or have done better. That’s just the way it is and will always be. Don’t expect gratitude from me. I will always be dissatisfied with your efforts. When you see my dissatisfaction, you will try harder and harder to please me and do a better job next time. I am pulling your strings and you don’t even know it. To see your never ending struggle to please me amuses me for a time. I deserve special treatment, you couldn’t rise to the challenge and failed to meet what was expected.
The goal posts never remain static. They will be moved again and again to meet my unreachable expectations.
I will continually put you down so that you are no reflection of who you once were.
If I move on or if you leave me, I will show you how insignificant you were to me, as I move on to someone else as if you never existed.
I reserve the right to come back to you when I see fit. You will receive me with open arms as I come back into your life for a while. Nothing in life is permanent.
If I lose control over you, I will control how other people see you. I will let people know how you hurt me and they will believe me because I have already sowed the seeds.
Never cross me. I will never forget and I will never forgive. I will get my revenge.
I win, you lose. That’s just the way it is.
Remember that you are nothing without me. You need me. I do not need you.
Remember that the narcissist needs somebody, anybody more than you do. They cannot survive without their supply. When you realize this, you’ll know that the only one being fooled is themselves.
Written by Anne McCrea