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What is narcissism?

What is narcissism?

What is it?
Turn it around and blame you
Possible causes of NPD.Is recovery possible?Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a pattern of deviant behaviour which is abnormal and considered unacceptable by society in general. People with NPD often come across as arrogant and conceited with a tendency to look down on others who they perceive as inferior. A narcissist often displays a sense of entitlement demanding admiration and special treatment. When they don’t receive such treatment, they may become impatient and angry. Underneath the narcissist’s outward portrayal of confidence and superiority, there are often deep seated insecurities and self loathing where they know that they don’t quite match up to that image of perfection. As a result, they will not respond well to any perceived criticism and often react with rage.Narcissists are renowned for having problematic relationships. Their main focus is on themselves, their wants and their needs. They are self centred and egotistical and like to be the focus of attention. The needs of those around them are not really their concern. The narcissist often appears to be charming to those who don’t really know them and by that I mean, those who don’t live with them, work with them or have known them for a relatively short period of time. The longer you know a narcissist, the more apparent their unacceptable behaviour becomes. They will ignore, denigrate and slander others in order to boost their own position and boost their insatiable ego.

A very common trait of the narcissist is a complete lack of empathy. They either cannot or will not put themselves in someone else’s shoes or try to understand someone else’s pain or distress. They use people for their own ends, to get what they want, when they want with no regard for anyone else’s feelings or who gets hurt in the process.

Their envy speaks for itself. They don’t like to see others who are more popular, doing better, making more money or being happier than they are themselves. Their envy often results in a smear campaign where the narcissist will lie and gossip in an effort to destroy the other person’s reputation.

The Mayo Clinic (Nov, 2014) states that ‘Many experts use the criteria in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), published by the American Psychiatric Association, to diagnose mental conditions. This manual is also used)by insurance companies to reimburse for treatment.

DSM-5 criteria for narcissistic personality disorder include these features:

  • Having an exaggerated sense of self-importance
  • Expecting to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it
  • Exaggerating your achievements and talents
  • Being preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate
  • Believing that you are superior and can only be understood by or associate with equally special people
  • Requiring constant admiration
  • Having a sense of entitlement
  • Expecting special favours and unquestioning compliance with your expectations
  • Taking advantage of others to get what you want
  • Having an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others
  • Being envious of others and believing others envy you
  • Behaving in an arrogant or haughty manner’
  • Diagnosis is by trained mental health professionals.

Possible causes of NPD.

It is not known what causes NPD. However there are many theories which include:

  • Over valuing as a child
  • A learned behaviour
  • Genetics
  • Abuse in childhood

The cause is most likely complex with the possibility of more than one factor being at the root of this disorder.

Is recovery possible?

For a narcissist to seek help, they need to see that the problems lie within themselves.

Unfortunately, narcissists rarely blame themselves when things go wrong. They do not hold themselves accountable and they will shift the blame onto others for the very things that they do themselves.

Many experts will say that a narcissist is most likely to seek help when they have hit rock bottom, perhaps when they have been abandoned by a long time partner or other family members.

This question appears to be open to debate. Pathological narcissism is a difficult disorder to treat. Recovery from NPD would be a lengthy process requiring the individual to remain in therapy for a considerable length of time.

Herein lies the difficulty….

Will a narcissist remain in therapy for as long as is required?

Will a narcissist acknowledge their therapist’s expertise?

I have known and read about narcissists in recovery over the short term. Some narcissists that I have spoken to will say that they have difficulty maintaining a change in their behaviour for considerable periods of time and tend to slip back into their old ways.

Some experts have gone out on a limb saying that they believe change is possible whilst others disagree believing long term change is extremely unlikely if not impossible.

Written by Anne McCrea

References:

Mayo Clinic Staff, (Nov 2014), Mayo Clinic: Narcissistic Personality Disorder, [Online], accessed Feb, 2016.

How did you get them to leave?

How did you get them to leave?

How did you get your narcissistic husband to leave the family home?  I cannot and will not leave, as the home is co-owned by my sibling and me. There are children and pets involved, also.  Thank you.
How do I not marry a narcissist?

How do I not marry a narcissist?

I grew up with an NPD mother and an entire family of “non-offenders” (those who support an abuser and prevent resistance or escape) 7 years after going total “no-contact” with all of them recovery is still gradual and hard. I hear so many stories of people in my position who have gone on to date/marry a narcissist and the idea terrifies me. How do I make sure to not do that? Thanks for your thoughts.

I am proud of myself

I am proud of myself

I want to clear the air on a few topics that are dancing around in my head at the moment.
Deep breath*Ever since I have moved I have had a chance to breathe.
As many of you know my childhood, teen and adult life has not been ideal. Abuse, failed marriage, death of both parents. I’ve had my fair share of heartache.

Anyone who really has the knowledge understands that in abusive relationships the abuser breaks the victim down emotionally and tries moulding them into who they want them to be. That’s what happened! For many years I was a empty shell for filling someone else’s path.

When I left I didn’t know up from down or left from right. I didn’t know who I was or how I was suppose to be.

I have become stronger being up here and I am proud of myself for that! I had to “cut.”

For two years I cut the strings of everything negative in my life. Especially people!!! I had to separate myself from many. Not because of how they were but how I was. A broken girl who couldn’t handle negativity.

I have learned that negativity is toxic.  And to continue building and finding who I am. I plan on continuing this “detox” for myself. I have been super proud of myself for finally stepping away and finding myself.

Who am I? I am someone who has seen the darkest days and never let that effect my heart towards life. I like nature!! Who knew!! Caves, waterfalls, hiking, fishing…. I’ve learned that “Tiffanie” would rather lay in a hammock on top of the mountain then shop! Don’t get me twisted lol I still love shopping lol But being up here has showed me the beauty I have needed to see for so many years.

Before I was a weak woman who wanted others approval. Now……. I am fierce, wiser and stronger!!! 💪 Nice to meet you 😉

💜Also!! Mad props to my hubby for allowing me to grow. Many men should strive to be like you!! You have been so supportive of me throughout this process and I can’t even express how much that means to me after everything I have been through. You are my rock!! 💜 So thank you for holding that mirror in front of me and showing me happiness is what I make it!💜 You have always held my hand and led me to becoming a better “Me” 💜
By Tiffanie Massey
I came from a narcissistic family

I came from a narcissistic family

I am still fighting this battle but it has been an awakening for me so much so that I made a post on this on my site. I’ve read, learnt and gain so much knowledge it’s my duty to share my experience and create even more awareness your page has played a key part in my journey. Thank you.

When I was a little girl my mother used to refer to my Granma and aunts (her in-laws) as “those people” and she still does, little did she knew that  “those people” have a name that’s attached to them they are called Narcissist. I grew up very confused as to why she tried her very best to protect me form those people; after all they are my blood. They called her crazy, I called her crazy. I mean why would my mother separate me from the people I love that took care of me, lavished me with toys and gifts and everything imaginable. Now that I am an adult I find myself fighting the same battles my mother fought when she was my age.

I came from a whole narc family grand ma, dad, and two aunts and if that wasn’t bad enough I went ahead and married a narc!!!! Of course at the time I never heard of the term narcissist or NPD that until I married the narc himself and noticing the red flags. With tremendous amount of research I pieced together the twisted puzzle I was in.

Here’s my description of my NPD husband.
He’s like a volcano always bubbling always ready for eruption it only takes one more vibration and then Boom!! Explosion!!! Then he simmers down, always simmering, always bubbling over the edge eagerly ready and waiting to explode again. It’s the etching away of yourself overtime if they become successful you will be  left, broken, exhausted beyond belief, complete loss of true self.

There is hope, I am living proof you can overcome. I have completely gone no contact with my narc family I haven’t divorced my husband yet, however I have implemented strict strategies to detatch myself from him and I am able to still keep my sanity.

I am reaching out to other wives that’s tied down to their narc husbands and family members. Low contact or no contact is the ultimate goal but when it’s not possible we must support and learn their tactics and implement strategies of our own. I hope I can be source of hope to anyone who hears my story.

He told me he’s never letting me go

He told me he’s never letting me go

Hello there, I need some help.  I’m not going to go into detail because that’d take a whole day, but my soon to be ex husband is texting me from a different number. I know it’s him because of his horrible grammar. In the text he put my full name and date of birth and other personal information saying it’s a warning to my husband that he better watch his back. He did this to make me worry for him and call him and make sure he’s okay. But I didn’t fall for it. I text him and he’s of course denying it. I go no contact as much as possible but we’re still married and I’m terrified of filing for divorce because of how crazy he might act. He told me he’s never letting me go. I don’t know if I’m dealing with a narcissist anymore….. because don’t they leave you
A narcissistic family

A narcissistic family

From a narcissistic family where there’s a golden child, a black sheep and the brother is a follower. My partner is the black sheep or ex rather, I have a 14 month old child with the man but his mother walked in and tried to take my daughter off me right out of my arms when I had done nothing wrong.

Amongst a lot of other things, making me sign a contract to be her and my partner’s father’s slave as they live on a 100 acre property and do nothing for themselves.  I already did absolutely everything anyway.  I mean everything, beds, toilets, cars, cooked, massaged their pains if they were and provided for all of them out of my own pocket. 😡  They put on the street 8 hours away from anyone I knew other than them and kept all my belongings so all my household furniture and everything.  They then stole $10,000 of my money I had saved in cash at their home never to be seen again.  I got parts of my belongings back though after 6 months of war.  Since all this has now turned my partner against me and it’s destroying our family although my ex has done a lot to hurt me also.  It’s been 8 weeks now and not getting much easier as I have our 14 month old daughter full time now.  Also I am staying at his aunt’s on her floor on a mattress and my child in her porta-cot? And I think I may be pregnant again?

Feeling very lost

Feeling very lost

Hello, I would like to anonymously ask the community a question.
How do you manage co-parenting young children after a split from a narcissist (father)?  visitations, financial support, etc.

I am building up to splitting from my narcissist, however, I am very nervous about what he may say to the kids about me – he already tells them that I am selfish and don’t look after them well enough  (not true! 😣).

I’m feeling very lost.
My son believes everything his father tells him

My son believes everything his father tells him

Your article on The Silent Treatment, narcissistic emotional abuse was absolutely so helpful to me. It confirmed to a “T” the husband I’m married to. I have managed to escape and busy with proceeding with a divorce.

The sad part is my husband is using our son (he is 16 years old, turning 17 in July) as a pawn / tool and emotionally abusing him so against me as his mother for his own benefit and gain. My husband includes our son in all our adult talk. He puts so much pressure on our son.

As a result my son is disrespectful, rude and cold towards me. My son believes everything his father tells him about me. My husband runs me down in front of our son & behind my back making me out as a worthless, hopeless and useless human being.

I’m finding it enormously hard to cope, manage and deal with my son. Any advice would be much appreciated.
It’s all about control

It’s all about control

I just wanted to say that I’m frustrated. Today should be a day of rejoicing. New beginning.

I just can’t bring myself to going to my inlaws for another meal of horrible food and drama. I just want to stay home and celebrate the day with my own children.

My husband and I have been “guilted” to this year after year. For the past 24 years to be exact. How do we gracefully bow out?

We have been told that we will be celebrating my husband’s and my birthday as well. He will be 52 and I will be 51, but not for a week. We both have stated that we do not wish to have dinners nor birthday parties, but they continue. It really cuts into our personal family time that we do not get much of with our two college children.

I do not mean to seem ungrateful, but it is every holiday and every birthday for every family member and I’m just tired of it.

When we try to get out of it, we are pummeled with 20 questions on why!

Do you have any information that I could read on or suggestions of sights that I could go to in how to handle these situations? It’s just control.

Thank you.