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Narcissists don’t like to see you happy unless they are the cause of you having such a great time so you can bet your bottom dollar, if you’re having a ball, they’ll do all in their power to change that.

Maybe it’s a holiday you’ve been planning for some time and the narcissist knows just how much you’ve been looking forward to it.

Maybe it’s a reunion with some friends, a family get together or a special birthday party. Whatever the occasion, the narcissist will do their utmost to make sure that it is special for all the wrong reasons.

Narcissists are generally not happy people. They don’t want to see you having fun and enjoying yourself when they are such empty, soulless creatures themselves who rarely feel fulfilled. They are often jealous of your close relationships with your family and friends, knowing that their ‘friends’ are often long gone or somewhat shallow in comparison. They seldom maintain a close bond with anyone, most having departed after seeing their true colours or having been discarded by this unhealthy and toxic individual.

Unless they are the reason for you having such a good time and therefore the centre of attention, they’ll do their best to sabotage the occasion. If the celebration is a birthday party or graduation celebration, they don’t want someone else receiving all the attention that should be directed towards them. Perhaps if they look dejected, everyone will feel sorry for them and turn their attention where it belongs. They want you to share in their own misery.

Happiness and contentment are alien to them. Why should you experience pleasure when they rarely feel satisfied? Why should they have to put up with being in the company of your friends or family?

As your holiday fast approaches, don’t be surprised if the narcissist picks a fight with you, and cancels the holiday at the last minute. They may have just found your replacement. Should you find yourself on holiday with a toxic person, and you are doing your best to make the most of your time, they are going to hate to see you enjoying life. They will go all out to ensure that the holiday will go downhill from there on. They will make a condescending remark just to dampen your spirits, or provoke an argument, basically anything to bring your mood down to a similar level as their own. Whilst on holiday, you may be directing all your attention on making sure the kids have fun. Isn’t that what normal parents do? Don’t forget that this person is far from normal. They want your attention, so they may resort to huffing and bad behaviour to get it. Any attention is better than none. You want the narcissist to enjoy the holiday or special event, so you try your very best to draw them out of their mood, but no matter how hard you try, nothing seems to work. You feel like they are making you suffer for your efforts to make them smile and be happy. It is like they see you as an enemy, and certainly treat you like one. Only a sick and twisted individual would behave in this manner and get some sort of pleasure from ruining holidays and other important events.

What can you do to avoid the narcissist spoiling special events?
Remember that if you are having a good time the narcissist will do anything to spoil it. They’ll want to make the day occasion memorable alright! Don’t give them the opportunity. Let them drown in their pool of negativity and self-pity. Carry on and leave them to it. Enjoy yourself and let them be. If they happen to come off with some disparaging remark, just respond with something like, ‘Fascinating,’ or ‘Interesting,’ and go and do your own thing and above all, enjoy the occasion. They may even decide not to show up for the event. Great. Have a ball and let them be miserable on their own.

Written by Anne McCrea

Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse, Shattering the Illusion, now available on Amazon

Amazon UK

Amazon US

Are Some Bosses and / or Employers Bullying or Manipulating People to Come To Work When They Can Quite Easily and Efficiently Work From Home During The COVID-19 Pandemic?

Are Some Bosses and / or Employers Bullying or Manipulating People to Come To Work When They Can Quite Easily and Efficiently Work From Home During The COVID-19 Pandemic?

The world is not short of managers. It’s short of leaders. (Bob Townsend)

The world is in crisis and yet I’m hearing that some bosses and employers are bullying, manipulating and guilt tripping people to come to their place of work when they can do their job quite efficiently and competently from their homes.  The advice here in the UK is that people MUST work from home where it is possible to do so.  Staying home saves lives.  Unnecessary contact spreads this virus.

Social distancing is not always possible in the workplace.  Bosses have a duty of care to their employees.  Now is the time to put that into practice.

Bob Davids is a designer and entrepreneurial business man.  He said that at one time he thought that management and leadership were the same thing. After many years and after speaking to Bob Townsend (CEO that built AVIS Rentacar and author of ‘Up the Organization,’) he found out that they’re not. 

According to Bob Davids, there’s a difference between, ‘I lead a team of six people and I manage a team of six people.’  Management is control.  The three typical constraints of management are time, quality and money. Whichever one of those three takes precedent, the other two will suffer.

Everyone is being affected one way or another.  The health and well-being of all staff should be at the fore front of every boss’s mind.  Bullying, manipulating or guilt tripping staff to come in to work when unnecessary creates a very unhappy workforce.  Employees who would have gone over and above before this pandemic will become disheartened and feel undervalued resulting in undue stress, sickness and resignations, maybe not right now but when the situation eventually returns to some degree of normality.

Some employees live with people who may be considered high risk which further adds to the stress of being forced to come into work.  Employers need to show compassion and understanding.  Failure to do so may result in them losing good workers.  Bullying in the workplace is not ok, especially now.

In WW2 Dwight Eisenhower was the Allied Supreme Commander of all the forces. He trained his generals by saying that he would take a chain and stack it up on a table.  He would ask the generals…

 “If I push the chain which way will it go?” 

You really don’t know.

If you take the chain by the end and you pull it, which way will it go?”

The answer is that it will follow you. 

Davids says that this is the essence of leadership.  If you push the people, down deep inside you really do not know which way they will go but if you can lead them and get them to follow you, then you have the skill to be a great leader.  Leadership is a gift.  You can’t buy it.  You can’t trade it.  You can’t sell it.  You either have it or you don’t. 

Unfortunately so many of the bosses today simply don’t have those leadership qualities.  They fail to value their workers, taking them for granted, thinking they’re expendable.

Current Government advice in the UK is for everyone to STAY AT HOME, except in specific situations.

This includes:

  • only going outside for food, health reasons or work (where this absolutely cannot be done from home)
  • staying 2 metres (6 feet) away from other people (‘social distancing’)
  • avoiding busy commuting times on public transport where travel is essential
  • washing your hands as soon as you get home

Employers should support their workforce to take these steps.  This might include agreeing more flexible ways of working.

For any employee working from home, the employer should:

  • pay the employee as usual
  • keep in regular contact
  • check on the employee’s health and wellbeing

Some of you have said that proper procedures as laid down by the Government in the UK are not always being followed when a person in the workplace has either tested positive or displayed symptoms of COVID-19.

Offices and workplaces are not being shut down in order for the premises to be deep cleaned to protect staff and the necessary PPE (Personal Protective Equipment) is not being supplied to those who have been asked to carry out this task.  In Northern Ireland the Executive has agreed that:

  • Anyone who can work from home must work from home
  • Employers must facilitate working from home where it is feasible
  • No employer should compel an employee to come to work if it is feasible to work from home
  • Every employer must take all reasonable steps to safeguard the health, safety and wellbeing of employees during the COVID-19 emergency, whether working from home or in the workplace
  • Every employer must have particular regard to the safety of employees in the workplace and must put into effect the guidance on social distancing issued by the Department for the Economy
  • Every employer has a legal duty to ensure, so far as it is reasonably practicable, the health, safety and welfare at work of all employees
  • Where a business is failing to observe the Department for the Economy guidance and breaching the legal duty on health and safety, the statutory authorities will take robust action, which may include prosecution for criminal offences
  • Where necessary, the Executive Office will also use its power of direction to close or restrict businesses that do not ensure the safety of their employees.

Many countries throughout the world have introduced new legislation and issued guidelines to help prevent the spread of this virus.  It would appear that some bosses are deliberately flouting guidelines and encouraging their workers to break the law by forcing them to come into work when they can work from home.  This is undoubtedly putting some of their staff under unnecessary stress and anxiety.

I asked people on the Facebook page to share their experiences during the present pandemic.  These are some of the most common complaints…

“Not providing proper social distancing or PPE. Allowing people to come to work sick. An employee actually tested positive for COVID-19 but continued to drive another employee to work because they live together. The manager wouldn’t provide the employees name; only to say that he did not come in contact with concerned employees. Only to find that in fact he was in the office, using the coffee machine. About 5-6 employees how now taken it upon themselves to self-isolate.”

“That last exchange on Thursday and Friday was exactly like speaking to my ex-husband who, through sites like yours, I have learned to deal with much more efficiently and appropriately these last two years.  I will not be gas-lit, manipulated, or bullied into something that isn’t right for me or my children.  I chose not to go to work as I want to protect my family and co-workers from this virus, and I have no childcare.  Their implied demands that I just “find” childcare during this is ridiculous.  While lawyers are considered essential services, I do not understand that, nor do I think they are handling this well.  I believe that they are grossly misinterpreting that definition and putting all of their clients and staff at risk when we can ALL efficiently work remotely. Our office is such that working remotely is 100% possible.” 

“I CAN work from home very efficiently without being disturbed by answering telephones yet my manager is making me feel guilty for not coming in. I have elderly parents so I’m not prepared to risk me bringing this virus home.  She is making me feel guilty because she is going in herself. That’s her choice and she’s getting paid two or three times my salary.”

“My mom is a secretary.  She’s being forced to work and risk her life or lose her job.  She is high risk and yes, she could do her job from home.”

“I work on a building site.  Us plebs are all out in force but there’s no sign of the big wigs.  I know we can’t do our job from home but they don’t give a shit about us. It’s all about money.”

“My husband’s company decided who was going to work from home and who would have to go to the office (and be exposed to everything) by pay grade.  The lowest paid workers had to work in the office while higher paid staff worked from home.”

“I’m on minimum wage and can definitely work from home but they want me to come in to the office while they sit in their offices with their doors closed safe and sound and the minions get to spread it all about in their booths below.”

“My company is bringing in rules too little too late.  Said they’re bring in social-distancing from tomorrow (like when did that all start?)   I can wear protective gloves if I feel happier (well thanks so much) but they want a united front on the main floor to look good. To hell with that, I’m outta there!!!”

“Someone in our place tested positive and we were not told until days later when none of us knew where they had been or what they had touched.  Some have now gone off sick and the rest of us are worried since it takes a while for symptoms to show.”

“They’re telling me I’m not paid enough to make decisions, that’s their job and they have decided that we should all be there when we don’t need to be.  On our pay, don’t think so.”

“I work on a front reception desk so am exposed to everyone who enters the building.  They haven’t supplied me with any protective equipment so far.  If I catch it they’ll just replace me.  Can’t say I feel valued at all, but replaceable, most certainly.”

“My managers are still using paper when they don’t have to, asking us to photocopy so that their hands aren’t touching anything.  Why not use common sense and digitalise everything they can while this epidemic is ongoing but that would take brains?  Oops, I forgot they don’t have any.”

“I live at home with people considered to be high risk.  I’ve been told to show up at work when I could work from home.  I’m so scared right now.  I would never forgive myself if I infected them.  The stress is unreal.  My manager is making me feel guilty because some others are in. I don’t know what to do.  I need my job.  This isn’t a game.  This is life or death.”

“I’m thinking of handing in my notice because of the inconsiderate approach to this epidemic by my employer.  He has said I should be in work but I can do everything online.  Why?  Some co-workers are self-isolating and some have gone off sick.  Nobody knows what’s wrong with them.  Feel under so much pressure atm.”

I appreciate that there are many out there who are working throughout this pandemic, those who cannot work from home.  To those people such as medical professionals, shop assistants and warehouse staff, those in caring professions, delivery drivers, waste disposal, cleaning staff, ambulance, police and other emergency services, those involved in the production of medical equipment and medicines and all who have volunteered in these critical times, your work and dedication is very much appreciated. (Sorry if I’ve missed anyone).

To those who can stay at home, STAY HOME and to those employers whose staff can work from home, DO YOUR BIT AND LET THEM.

Written by Anne McCrea

Coronavirus (COVID-19): what you need to do. Available from: [Accessed 29 March 2020]

Executive approves new powers to protect the public. Available at: [Accessed 30 March 2020]

The rarest commodity is leadership without ego: Bob Davids at TEDxESCP. Available at: [Accessed 30 March 2020]

What is best for me and my children?

What is best for me and my children?

Hi, I just need some direction, guidance or advice. I have been married to my school love for 18 years, we have 3 children, one is already out of the house. My husband has always been the jealous possessive one and has always accused me of adultery although there have always been many stories about him, but he has just that way of turning a story that I sometimes wonder if I really heard it and whether if so, then I just leave everything as usual.  A year ago I started talking to a man who just told me the most beautiful things and I wondered if I didn’t deserve better. It was serious just talking, nothing more. My husband caught me, and was slapped on it and from there, everything that happened before is only 100 times worse. He breaks me down weekly, curses and scolds me daily and then the next day he makes as if nothing happened. Want to divorce and hate me and curse me under my clothes and then I have to accept again if he says sorry that everything is okay. He is never home and I am always at home but still I am always in trouble and it gets me emotional, I can no longer. What would you suggest that is best for me and my children?

I will be fine… Won’t I ?

I will be fine… Won’t I ?

Hi all,

I have dated a narc for about 2 years on and off. To be honest the longest and worst 2 years of my life… The abuse (fiscally, emotionally) I endured still confuses me. How could I have allowed it to happen? How could I have been so blind? The fiscal abuse is over and behind me BUT the emotional abuse I am still going through is just starting to really piss me off. The new supply in his life is actually sending me photos of them and her wearing his clothes, I feel this is so unnecessary. I want to seriously bitch slap this woman for enjoying my pain and heartache so much (that’s what’s wrong with society today) BUT then again I feel sorry for her because I know what’s waiting for her… My narc ex left me when I was seven months pregnant, he went back to his home town and left me behind even though I begged him not to. I was bad mouthed when ever it went bad with him and when he needed something I was made empty promises, after 2 months he “convinced me” (manipulated) me to follow him and have our baby boy there by him. 4 days before I have to leave he tells me it’s over he met someone else. I later find out that he knew her for exactly 24 hours and basically moved in with her. WTF??? I was crushed beyond my foundations and walls every piece of me, he is unfortunately the love of my life, f*** what luck… ever since it’s been a game for him playing me and his new supply off each other. Then he leaves her and I’m everything for a few days or weeks and then he leaves again. It’s been 5 days now with no contact, he left me again just 2 weeks ago, our son is 3 months old. He was great with our son but very impatient which scared me because I know how he can get… I gave myself goals after the last smear campaign he has started now, 7 days without any contact and then then next 7 days no more checking his FB profile.

If I can do just those 2 things for 9 days I will be fine… Won’t I ?! There must be a light somewhere in this darkness…

Should I stand my ground or give in to the perceptual abuse?

Should I stand my ground or give in to the perceptual abuse?

I’m confident I’m following my court order to a tee and exchanging my daughter where I’m supposed to. She wants a change and have me drive all the time and 4 times as much this summer.  My choices are:

1. follow the order, not give into her control  and have the police called on me for the 11th time with my daughter around. (Never committed or been charged for a crime) nor will I this time. 

2. Give into my abuser for the chaos she brings and save my daughter from the abusive behavior. 

Court is a long process and will run its course due to the 10 years of abuse and mental health is exposed. In the short term, any advice for my no win situation? Stand my ground and manage the police with my daughter around or give into the perpetual abuse to shield my daughter from the drama? So torn.

Here is what she emailed me:
RE: Pick up and Drop off

If our daughter is not dropped off at 12:30 at My friends I will call the police for parental abduction as you are not authorized to have her passed 12:30. And have agreed upon dropping her off on camera at My friends.

Discussion Board

Discussion Board

👄 Did your narcissistic partner or spouse manage to turn your children against you by blaming you for being manipulative, lying etc.? If so, how did you deal with this?

You can comment anonymously on the website

What should I do?

What should I do?

I have been married for long 16 years. I have 6 kids from him. It’s my first marriage but he married many times before me, after 2 years of marriage I got to know that he had multiple marriages and divorces before me. He told me that all his exes were crazy and had relationship with other men. (all his exes didn’t care for him, he did lots for them but they didn’t.)

When I got married with him he was so nice, loving and caring to me, he was very compassionate, and had respect for me. He spent all his time with me. He loved me so much. He spent money generously on me, took care of me like a precious thing
but during this period he never trusted me with his money and never gave me money. He insisted in buying me things which he liked not what I liked. He took to me shopping and bought everything that he liked to buy for me. He imposed his opinion on me, he called me stupid and insane, mocked me before his family, and he felt happy. When I complained about that he said he was joking but when I wanted things which I liked and love to buy he said that he didn’t have that much money. He is rich man. He never bought very expensive stuff for me even though he is a wealthy man.

When I was happy he became angry and his mood was off suddenly, every time when there were any special occasions (anniversary, birthdays, kids birthdays, he always ruined our happiness). He always has his mood off and angry, I always wonder why he behaves like this) but besides all this he isolated me from my friends and family, (which I didn’t realise, then I just realised all these after I joined this page, this page helped me lot to understand him thanks Anne.) He doesn’t want me to meet anyone, he used to tell me that they are not good, they are jealous of us, they are mean, they will break us apart, and I believed all this. He was so convincing. He doesn’t allow me to go anywhere without him even for groceries, shopping ‘and family gatherings.
He never wanted me to have my own money or any bank account, and still I don’t have any penny for me or my own bank account. He provides me and my kids everything but also he always complains. I guess that he has no money , he is in debt and his business is not going well.) He never trusts me with his money, and he hides his all personal details from me, but he always checks on my phone and all my personal stuff, and does same with my kids. He is very dominating and he controls everything , financial and other things, for example if we have to give gifts to any family or friends, he takes me with him for shopping but he always give gifts or money by himself to friends, or family members, he doesn’t even trust me with these matters.

He never wants me to talk to any men but he always has long conversations with women during family gatherings and and at public places if he gets the chance to talk to a women.

He has many women as friends and he told me they are just his friends. After a long time of marriage he suddenly started accusing me of relationships with other men.
He accused me of collecting men at home in his absence. I was shocked at all these accusations, I did not understand why he started to accuse me. I told him that I only love him and my kids, I don’t want anything before my family. I called his family and friends and also some of my family friends. Not a single one believed him. They all said that he was just lying, but he still insists that I have adulterous relations with other men. I don’t go anywhere without him, I never ever go without him during this marriage. He dominated me. I lost my self esteem. I am always doubted. He wants me to always obey him without questioning. He wants me to never complain, never ask for anything for me and never ask for any freedom. At the start I was always crying at his accusations, I was in severe depression, I was wondering why he changed suddenly , why he accused me of things that I never did. He withholds physical relations for months, he is ghosting with me. When he wants to talk me he talks, when he wants to take me anywhere he takes, for a few days he starts behaving like he is very good to me but after a few days he changes again. I never understand what he wants. I am in a situation where I don’t have resources to live alone with my kids, I am all alone.

What should I do? He is a rich man and I have nothing. I am afraid that if I leave him may be he gets my kids, my only concern is my kids, my only purpose in life is my kids, I want to raise them as good human beings, I want them as successful human beings.

I can not live without my kids, they are my everything, I am afraid, I feel alone. What should i do? Should I stay with him for the sake of my kids as they are too young. I don’t want for them a broken family.

I lied to the police and told them it was an accident

I lied to the police and told them it was an accident

Let me ask this…
June 2016 I was in a horrific car accident because I confronted my boyfriend how he was treating me. I asked if this was the way he was to ex-wife that lead to her infidelity. 
He put his seatbelt on, not even 10 seconds later, he slammed on his brakes knowing I was not buckled in( I NEVER WORE MY SEATBELT UNTIL BEFORE THAT DAY). My face slammed into the windshield as we went from 0 to 70.  When he slammed on his brakes, his rear brakes locked up( I had been telling him they needed replaced for months, they were waiting to be replaced the next day on the carport), we ended up front end into the guard rail where my shoe got caught and broke my foot but kept me in the vehicle after smashing the windshield again with my face, the air bags finally deploying into my left knee while I was on the dash… Waking up wondering if we hurt anyone.
I lied to the police, and told them it was accident…
Got an Uber to head home instead of EMS taking me to the hospital.(After screaming at him he didn’t care if my Son had a Mother)
His Father picked him up, brought him home, decided to cuss me out how I am a drunk and everything else… I never understood why… (Even as the adult told me to go to sleep though I had a concussion) 
Until, I found my old man had told his entire family and friend circle, I grabbed the steering wheel and threw us into the guardrail… 
Let me ask logical questions… If I grabbed the wheel wouldn’t have my face only hit once? If I grabbed the wheel how did I end up in the dash before the airbags deployed? 
What other logical questions can I ask them to find the truth on their own?

My ex tries to use God against me

My ex tries to use God against me

How can one show an abusive ex spouse, his flying monkey crew is on social media stalking & taunting you? (sending messages to the Pastors/life coach portraying him as the victim and me having a non expired Protection Order against him, despite his name is blocked.)

My ex always tried using God against me and his family tried telling me if and when & If I ever left him that God’s gonna get me/I’m in Gods hands meaning gloom in doom
I’m the devil yea ok !

Now since I’ve obtained a Permanent protection order/Non Expire!!! he’s scared I’m gonna collect CS & seeing negative patterns repeated Smear campaigns, indirectly making my name look bad, him breaking the PPO by 3rd party subliminal messages.

I know it’s him, hating fan club because when I try to leave a few times in the past he always calls my former pastor, telling the pastor to make me reconcile, go back to him, he always begged others via social media for prayers, using his emotions to manipulate others playing a good victim.

Do I just ignore it?

Do I just ignore it?

I am searching for an answer to a specific question. I have a narcissistic mother (81 years old) and have a question I have been searching for answers without success. I have limited contact with her at this point in my life. I’m 50 and have a grandchild of my own. When I have to be around her she takes every opportunity to take jabs at me. My question is how do I respond in the moment to this type of behavior? Do I just ignore it/her or tell her it bothers me? I DO NOT want to give her the “high” shes looking for and want to respond in a way that will be best for me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!