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I’m even more scared now

I’m even more scared now

Question to Australians in the group –

Hi Supporters

I have a protection order again my horrible Ex Army partner.  2.5 years of hell.

Today I was served a cross application saying he is scared I will break into his house and scare his children.

I’m 5’2 and small.  He is 6’4 tough army that’s been deployed on 3 operations.

I’m sickly scared of him as he has hurt me a lot and gets so angry.

How on earth does something so ridiculous get to go to court?

Does the judge think he is wasting his time?

I’m even more scared now.

What to expect if you decide to stay with a narcissist

What to expect if you decide to stay with a narcissist

Some people feel for one reason or another that they will remain with their abusive partner, parent or other family member. Despite overwhelming advice that leaving an abusive personality is the best thing one can possibly do for oneself in order to enjoy a normal peaceful life, some find that they cannot walk away. I have been in touch with so many people over the years who have stayed with an abusive partner for maybe thirty or forty years, clinging to the hope that somehow this person will change for the better. Their hopes and dreams were shattered when time revealed there was no improvement in behaviour. Sadly the only changes they witnessed were that the behaviour got considerably worse as they aged.

The best advice that I could give anyone is to create as much distance as you can between you and a toxic individual. Do not engage with them on any level.

Don’t stay with a narcissist because you feel obligated to do so. It is not selfish to think about yourself, it is absolutely necessary.

For those brave souls who wish to remain in close proximity with a narcissistic personality be prepared for the challenges that you will inevitably face as you share your life with these individuals. Keep your expectations low and be prepared for a rough ride.

By all means, set your boundaries but rest assured, the narcissist will disregard them and cross those lines time and time again.

Give up the idea of living your life on your terms. Familiarise yourself with the term, ‘double standards’. There will be a set of standards you will be expected to live by. However, these standards will not apply to them. You will be expected to live your life as the narcissist sees fit and abide by their rules. You will lose your individuality as you strive to achieve the impossible… i.e. making them happy. As most of us know, we are responsible for our own happiness. We cannot rely on others to do that for us. However, a narcissist doesn’t see things that way. They need your endless attention and admiration so that they can feel some semblance of contentment for short periods of time. The narcissist will get bored relatively quickly and you will find that you are not doing enough to ensure that these snippets of contentment last for long.

Invest in thick soled shoes or boots to protect your feet from sharp edges as you constantly walk on eggshells, tip toeing round this person so you don’t upset them with a casual glance, remark or dare I say, disagreement.

Lose yourself as you serve your master or mistress. Your friends will disappear as after all, you cannot be loyal to two masters so they’re not really going to have a place in your life any more. No doubt, you’ll be told what bad people they are so you’re really much better off without them. Your isolation will ensure that you have no one to turn to when you need a shoulder to cry on.

Let go of any idea that your thoughts, needs and wishes will be respected. Your emotional well-being is not of their concern. They will never feel your pain as you struggle to make sense of the hurt they cause you as a result of their cruel words and actions. You are more than likely just being too sensitive.

Grow accustomed to their anger and absorb their rage and expect to bear the brunt of these uncontrollable episodes.

Learn to forgive them their misdemeanours over and over again but don’t expect them to forgive yours.

As your life slips by, try not to dwell on the past, on the ‘what ifs’ or the ‘ could have beens’. Try not to think of how much better life would have been if you had walked away all those years ago. It was your decision to stay with someone who will never appreciate the sacrifices you made for them.

Written by Anne McCrea

How can I help her and my grand babies?

How can I help her and my grand babies?

I am looking for advice My daughter has NPD. I am her target she appears to everyone else as just the most perfectly sweet and kind woman the fallout does affect my husband and other daughters but she goes out of her way to be cruel to me and make me doubt myself I am forever apologising for things I didn’t do she bans  me from seeing my grandchildren she moved Interstate in February 2017 without telling us I am so worried for my two grandchildren aged 11 and 9 my husband is allowed to iMessage them every Saturday but only gets an answer every three or four weeks I actually think she is answering as the messages go to her email address can you give me some advice how I can help her and my grandbabies I think it is my fault I think I smacked her too much as a child she is 44 years old I need to help her and the children.

I fear a continuation of the pattern

I fear a continuation of the pattern

I am married to a woman I adore, for several years now. She had previously divorced her ex-husband after many years (and children together) after discovering he was a closeted homosexual. He’s a textbook narcissist.

Sadly at least one of her children (now a young adult) and perhaps a second one has all the traits as well, and they both have abused her emotionally for many years.

While much is written about narcissistic partners and exes, not much is written about narcissistic and abusive children.

This situation only gets worse, and, as you might suspect. I too am the object of their hate but they channel it through her, not directly at me. They’d love to see us separate and divorce. I don’t want to let them win, and I adore my wife, but it’s a serious challenge a major distraction from important career and personal matters, and makes life very challenging.

I’m careful to not try to fight my wife’s battles for her, but recently had to step up and take one on, and, without getting into details, it somewhat backfired on me.

We watched the Golden Globes on Sunday night and I pointed out to her the severity of all the recent bad acts by males against females, and told her that I’m an ardent supporter of the #metoo movement and think her situation is a subset of it, though the abuse comes from her ex and her children. She actually got it, and the combined flurry of events resonated ! I was so glad. I see a glimmer of light for a brighter future. Sadly, however, she’s never been one to set a boundary and successfully maintain it, and she’s being virtually gang-raped by these people. Her mother is part of the problem, by the way. She started the pattern of abuse that the ex-husband picked up and continued.

This isn’t a new situation and she has long suppressed and conveniently forgotten many many horrifying incidents. I fear a continuation of the pattern.

My wife has engaged in various forms of self-destructive behavior a lot recently, and has recently, several times, attacked me verbally in a drunken rage, which would surprise anyone outside our home as she’s an elegant beautiful woman of class. I’m not sure how much more I can watch and endure.

I’ve seen you post people’s story on your page and ask for followers’ feedback in comments, which I welcome. Thanks

How do you get over 7 years of mental torment?

How do you get over 7 years of mental torment?

A week out living with my mate. How do you get over 7 years of absolute mental torment? I don’t even know who I am anymore. I’m sitting here an absolute broken man completely lost, but I’m so lonely and I’m doing everything in my power to not go back, to not pick up the phone to not give in to her mind games and complete madness, “I’m a mess.” What did everyone do to move on? 7 years of abuse is all I know and I know nothing will change, but I still want to go back!!!! What’s wrong with me?

An Indian Narcissist Story…

An Indian Narcissist Story…

Somewhere a narcissistic dad lived with his  family and had two girls, he brought up elder daughter as victim Narc (golden child) she got married to a henpeck doctor as usual he surrendered her mental abuse and was good for nothing. Narc dad second daughter brought up as scapegoat in the family and got married to village man.

Dad and first victim always lived in fantasy life both are lawyers by profession typically sociopathic lairs and highly manipulators. 2 daughters in two different life… unfortunately when the dad brought up these two victims they never taught the basic lessons of what reality is may be due to fear of getting exposed about the narcissism to others.

The golden child wanted to be successor of dad thinking that she is the only lady who  protect women rights in the world. As a coincidence this family had clash with the village man (2nd son in law) these narcissistic people barked like insane the poor man kept quite and gone through many trauma and decided to  teach lessons from his learning experience but these narcs never took the responsibility of their mistakes done.

The village man wanted  they should stop abusing others by narcissism… So he started setting boundaries first , no contacts and injecting their imaginary self esteem and now the narcs wanted to come back and attack…

Morale get your fingers burnt to know the glove

I was blind but now I see

I was blind but now I see

This site has opened my eyes to how narcissism poisons a persons mind.  I was blind, but now I see!

I totally understand what the higher power of my understanding was talking about in that scripture.  I’m not telling anyone what to believe here.  I’m just sharing my thoughts and ideas and how reading everyones stories on here has helped me heal.  I’m not alone.  I felt so alone that is until I found this site.  I also have a 12 step support group I go to and we all share similar stories much like this site.  The one difference is we are not allowed to give our own advice.  We can use the advice of the program or share what we did on a similar situation and how it helped us.  All of us are on our own journey and as adults we just want to be listened to and validated.  If we come to a decision on our own then it is most likely to stick!  Unless of course you are being the victim of domestic violence.  My Mother and I were being physically abused by my Father  and we had to get out.

My Mother went no contact.  I couldn’t I was a child and my brain couldn’t conceive that idea.  I loved my Father and thought if I was smarter, prettier, happier and just more like his “goal post” ideas and we all know what Narcs do with those goal posts.  When he took his own life over his mask being firmly removed forever (his victim told). Now everyone would know he was a child molester.  I knew he was a child abuser because he abused me but after the divorce it didn’t happen again that is because I never lived with him permanently again so the relationship changed and that was good for me.  But it didn’t stop his words.

I was down to low contact and slowly planning no contact.  I had confronted him about the abuse in ‘01.

I just didn’t get the right kind of counselling and it took till ‘11 to get a great counsellor.  I recently also found another great counsellor.  It’s not easy as counselling is expensive!  And ultimately I have to do the work!  Changing my mind set is not an easy process.  My Father’s suicide over exposure for what he did actually set me free as I realized who he really was.
I just want to thank everyone on here who shares their stories because sharing mine is getting easier and easier now!

How can I help her?

How can I help her?

I’m not in the situation of a narcissistic person around me,  but someone very close to me is in a relationship, more of a slave to this man.  I have given advice and she sees the true colours,  but the problem is,  he has her in a financial hold. She doesn’t have money to just pack up and start over and the worst is he knows it. He is seriously destroying her bit by bit mentally,  he knows every button to push. And how to do it without anyone noticing it.  I’m divorced to one so I see a bullshitter from afar.  How can I help her until I have enough money to help her?  She lost so much weight due to stress and depression while he sits on his huge ass and orders her like a maid. Finding a problem no matter how small,  it’s killing me to see her like this and can’t help her at this moment.  I really need advice guys.

Whilst in therapy he has become even more narcissistic

Whilst in therapy he has become even more narcissistic

Hello I’ve come across this site and subscribed. I am a victim of narcissistic abuse I am sure. I figured this about 2 years ago after spending years in turmoil with my husband. I ended up googling the things he did and EVERYTHING lead to narcissism. Anyway I would love to read more about a narcissist in therapy? I am divorcing my husband and he is in rehab for gambling. I believe the gambling is merely a symptom of his NPD. He does not see this. Anyway whilst in therapy he in my opinion has become even more narcissistic?! Is this possible? He now contacts me telling me how everything was my fault and his therapist believes I am co dependant on my mother. I have a close loving family but have always lived independently. He falls out with his family continually and cuts friends off too. He now wishes me to stop the divorce distance myself from family and friends and concentrate on us? He says if I change things HE will come back to ME? I am divorcing him?! He subjected me to years of emotional, physical, verbal abuse and pressured sex. He slept with a prostitute too. Unyet he and ALL the therapists in rehab believe it is because I am close to my family who I might add were very good and welcoming to him?! He even used to say he wished he had a family like mine?! Anyway my question is do therapists miss NPDs . He is very charming and I can imagine how he would come across in therapy. I had hoped for at least some accountability but he has turned it all on to me even more than usual?!