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Never grow too comfortable

Never grow too comfortable

My biological dad is a narc and a sociopath. He put his 2nd wife in the hospital. Stalks her, and has been known to stalk us. He kidnapped my sister once when he and my mom were going through their divorce. I was adopted in 2014 by my stepdad at the age of 24, and legally separated any relationship I had with my bio dad.

Recently it came to light that he was stalking his 2nd wife again. His 3rd wife has gone completely silent on Facebook around the time he was seen stalking my parents and his 2nd wife. And she is being stalked online again, he always manages to hack into her computers to monitor and look for whatever he can find.

It was one month ago Friday that the recent events came to light. I live completely alone, 3 hours away from any family, I decided to  inform my employer I thought I could be a potential target for him. I gave a background to explain why I was concerned, got a security system at home and still thought I was over reacting.

One week to the day of installing the system and he actually came to my work. Luckily I had gone remote, I now work from home. The timing of when he was at my place of employment was very timed. Had I not started working from home Wednesday I would have seen him Friday.

Now I have to wonder how long he has been following me, how extensively he has been monitoring me, and how much he knows.

I have not seen him since 2005. The last time I spoke to him I had called to tell him he needed to help pay for my senior fees in high school. That was early 2008. It has been four years since I was adopted, ten since I talked to him, and thirteen since I saw him.

I thought I was safe, although my entire adult life I have known he could just randomly pop up and have always feared he would. I have been terrified of what I would do if I saw him again. Sometimes I thought I would hit him, maybe I would run, maybe I would crumble.

Well for a day, when it came to it, I was distraught. And it angers me to know that he would have derived pleasure from my discomfort. Today is Sunday and he showed up at my office Friday. I am still shaken but I feel stronger. I am am still mad at my emotions over him, but maybe that is what keeps me from being like him.

Please tell your followers, or share my post without my name. Always be vigilant. Never grow too comfortable. They can always come back and will never let you go. You still continue to live your life, if I had lived in fear for 10 years there is so much I would have missed. But always be safe. Love and live and let yourself feel joy. Your triumph and their loss, is your ability to live without their presence affecting you. Even if it takes an effort that feels like a mountain.

I’m Afraid

I’m Afraid

I’m struggling a bit at the moment
Today is the 12 month anniversary of when I went to the police and had the abuse documented and I’m 12 days from the anniversary of his final leaving of my home. I’m healing ,the whole of last summer I had to have 15 weeks off my work as a therapist due to a total nervous breakdown. So I’m back at work everything seems ok I’m free I’m planning a future . But…….. in October last year I had a gastroscopy and it seems I had gastritis and peptic ulcers not bacterial , I thought ok fair enough then in December I get summonsed to see haematology so on Tuesday I get this news…….. at best I have chronic blood cancer and my spleen needs removing at worse I have multiple myeloma (bone marrow cancer) and even with best treatment I’ll be gone in 5 years. I’m 44. I’ve been keeping private journals on fb and today I posted this to myself for the future, short as it maybe:-
Well I’m awake but so sore everywhere. I feel sick, deeply viscerally sick. Ok I was able to just get up and get on with stuff feeling exactly like this three days ago, the only difference is is that I know mostly what is wrong. I’m preparing for the worst. I’m trying to accept that I’ll never fall passionately in love with “the one” again, I will probably never have sex again, I will most definitely die without the love of my life beside me making sure I’m not afraid. I think I might be grieving the loss of my optimism that I could find happiness.
I’m going to die alone surrounded by everyone wanting me to be strong and brave.
I wanted to share this with someone else who I don’t feel the need to make this ok for. Everyone around me really needs me to be the front runner of positivity and “it’ll be fine” but inside I’m afraid .

 

 

My story, past chapters. New beginnings! Healed & whole.

My story, past chapters. New beginnings! Healed & whole.

Most of the voids or not in one’s mind, hearts, souls are rooted from early childhood of some type of neglects from their parents whose hands they was under as rightly vulnerable young children.

Those negative voids might attack the same negative dysfunctional that’s within one’s minds, hearts, souls, some or most are unaware of their internal blindness and internal inner negative stagnations. Often times some or most try filling those negative area’s looking for love or filling loneliness in the wrong places and natural comes the wrong people. This was my case.

Discovering the negative root cause behind my some of my past choices such as in men, in my case a long painful journey of severe depression. I didn’t see my mom was a narc until 2016 and recently. On top of that having suspected she had my brother killed legally liquor poison and she rushed to collect 25 grand life insurance despite his funeral was fully covered, my guess is my brother was getting ready to leave after more than five years living and helping with rent in low income housing. Section8 she never raised any or all her 10 kids and drank with us all very heavy. We’ve all try to honour her but she’ll use it negative and abuse it.

I met my past narc at 25 years old again undiagnosed unaware depression. Was with him for 7 years. Bought 5 cars in my name all got repo, all for him had two evictions while he just sat there and watched me struggle while in my mind I’m only trying to do what’s right, because we went to church that’s my husband and I’m supposed to stand by his side and help him back on his feet while behind the scenes he only tolerated me, used me for what little I had never allowed to have any confidence or be any good success he would attack hence foolishness demeaning degradation put downs sooner or later I got tired of he’s only a little nice when I don’t speak nor express any disagreements or supposed interfere ask protect my kids wellbeing he’s threatened to hit me in past his body language tell me his response told me bc he’s hit me before. Before I escaped I prayed. One other women said… Strength I pray for your strength to leave the toxic situation.

Bc my past cry attempted separation divorce to get his stuff together wasn’t good enough nor the warnings from men of god in the pulpits, why because it was always me supposed I was the drama the one with mental issue not him. When I left I left hard. I left my mother after seeing her true colours. Now both been probably pointing fingers spreading rumours. How he acted the last time I saw him proved to me I was right he blamed played victim’s said I was the abusive one, accused me of false infidelity basic everything I described towards him he deny blamed twisted try turn tables on me.

My narc mom still lives a corrupt lifestyle drinking taking any man who gives her the slightest attention. But she’s taken it to the extreme anything to sabotage those who won’t can’t give her what she wants or tries to benefits from others hard work. I’m over it. Sadly everyone else will have to find out the hard way what those types really are.

My son saved my life today

My son saved my life today

I found this that I wrote back in 2016 when I was still trapped in an emotionally abusive relationship with a narcissist. I’m over 2 months free now, but I still have a long journey ahead. I thought others may be able to relate to this.  My kids have me strength in so many of those dark days.

“My son saved my life today.

Today I thought I couldn’t take any more.
Today I thought about the end.

Today I was in pain.  Not just emotional pain, but physical pain that cut me to the core. My muscles and bones hurt. The emotional hurt causes physical hurt that no pill can cure.  The combination is unbearable.

Today I wished for a friend.  I’ve never really had one, and I was really needing one today. What is it like having someone to talk to when you’re down? What is it like having someone call you to hang out?  What is it like having a friend that cares?  So many people are mean. So many people are cold-hearted. Why can’t we just be kind?

Today I cried.  I went and took a bath to get away. I didn’t want anyone to see my pain. I don’t like my kids to see it and I don’t like my husband to see it. I keep smiling, pretending it’s all okay-treating others the way I wish I could be treated, the way I wish everyone would treat each other. I cried big shoulder sobbing tears, and the hurt remained.

Today I thought about the end. I knew there was only one way to stop the pain. I thought about how I could do it. Where I could do it. I thought about what it would be like to finally be free.  I wanted to scream.

Today I prayed. I prayed that God would make things better. I prayed that God would take away the pain and the anxiety. I thought about how wonderful it would be to be in his presence, free of the pain that weighs me down daily.

Today I did the dishes. I listened to “Why” by Rascall Flatts over and over.  I realized that few would come to my funeral. There would be no church filled to the brim with people who I mattered to.  As the tears started to fill my eyes again, a little hand grasped my arm and said “I love you, mom.”

My son saved my life today.  My children are my reason for pushing forward. My children are the ones that make all the pain and trials of this life bearable. My children pulled me through yet another day that I did not think I could finish.”

An Indian Narcissist Story…

An Indian Narcissist Story…

Somewhere a narcissistic dad lived with his  family and had two girls, he brought up elder daughter as victim Narc (golden child) she got married to a henpeck doctor as usual he surrendered her mental abuse and was good for nothing. Narc dad second daughter brought up as scapegoat in the family and got married to village man.

Dad and first victim always lived in fantasy life both are lawyers by profession typically sociopathic lairs and highly manipulators. 2 daughters in two different life… unfortunately when the dad brought up these two victims they never taught the basic lessons of what reality is may be due to fear of getting exposed about the narcissism to others.

The golden child wanted to be successor of dad thinking that she is the only lady who  protect women rights in the world. As a coincidence this family had clash with the village man (2nd son in law) these narcissistic people barked like insane the poor man kept quite and gone through many trauma and decided to  teach lessons from his learning experience but these narcs never took the responsibility of their mistakes done.

The village man wanted  they should stop abusing others by narcissism… So he started setting boundaries first , no contacts and injecting their imaginary self esteem and now the narcs wanted to come back and attack…

Morale get your fingers burnt to know the glove

I was blind but now I see

I was blind but now I see

This site has opened my eyes to how narcissism poisons a persons mind.  I was blind, but now I see!

I totally understand what the higher power of my understanding was talking about in that scripture.  I’m not telling anyone what to believe here.  I’m just sharing my thoughts and ideas and how reading everyones stories on here has helped me heal.  I’m not alone.  I felt so alone that is until I found this site.  I also have a 12 step support group I go to and we all share similar stories much like this site.  The one difference is we are not allowed to give our own advice.  We can use the advice of the program or share what we did on a similar situation and how it helped us.  All of us are on our own journey and as adults we just want to be listened to and validated.  If we come to a decision on our own then it is most likely to stick!  Unless of course you are being the victim of domestic violence.  My Mother and I were being physically abused by my Father  and we had to get out.

My Mother went no contact.  I couldn’t I was a child and my brain couldn’t conceive that idea.  I loved my Father and thought if I was smarter, prettier, happier and just more like his “goal post” ideas and we all know what Narcs do with those goal posts.  When he took his own life over his mask being firmly removed forever (his victim told). Now everyone would know he was a child molester.  I knew he was a child abuser because he abused me but after the divorce it didn’t happen again that is because I never lived with him permanently again so the relationship changed and that was good for me.  But it didn’t stop his words.

I was down to low contact and slowly planning no contact.  I had confronted him about the abuse in ‘01.

I just didn’t get the right kind of counselling and it took till ‘11 to get a great counsellor.  I recently also found another great counsellor.  It’s not easy as counselling is expensive!  And ultimately I have to do the work!  Changing my mind set is not an easy process.  My Father’s suicide over exposure for what he did actually set me free as I realized who he really was.
I just want to thank everyone on here who shares their stories because sharing mine is getting easier and easier now!

From A Narcissist’s Perspective

From A Narcissist’s Perspective

I am a recovering narcissist. Throughout my life I was fully aware that I had major personality flaws but contributed it to my childhood pain. In retrospect I was correct, but was not aware that this resulted in me becoming a narcissist, I thought I was the victim! Until the day I met a narcissist, everything became clear.

I read hundreds of articles and did some in-depth studies and in each victim statement I recognized myself. I went as far as to contact people from my past to hear how they perceived me, each time I heard the same thing, I was a human leech. I drained them emotionally, physically and mentally. I thought they went on with their lives as if nothing happened. Little did I knew that in order for them to survive and recover they had to get as far away from me as they possibly could.

I’m objective now and do realise that they made their own mistakes in the relationship but I have to take full responsibility of being the wrecking ball of all these relationships.

When I met someone I admired I became them, and went as far as trying to be a better version of them than they could possibly be. If they were humble and kind, I was more humble and kinder. I dripped with honey, false smiles and hollow laughter. As soon as I could, even the first day of possible, I unleashed my terrible victim stories onto them. I made sure they knew exactly how much the poor me was hurting. I put these people on a pedestal and made them gods because through them I became what I really wanted to be. I thought I discovered the ONE that can fix and heal me. Needless to say, the illusion was short lived. The moment I discovered they are not perfect, not as sweet and caring as I thought, I could no longer project the ‘perfect’ person because they weren’t perfect. This resulted in absolute self-destruction on my part and the total humiliation of my objective. I hurled insults, I threw childlike tantrums, I cried and begged. I’ve endangered the lives of some of these people. All of this as an attempt to avenge the illusion of a perfect person, the one I wanted to be. How dare they disappoint me like this. I saw myself as their victim. I lived in self-pity my whole life. When they rejected me I couldn’t cope, I fell to pieces for months on end. I developed obsessions over them. I stalked them, I made sure in one way or another that they will remember me and the pain they put me through, until I met the next person I could built my illusion around and everything became better instantly.

I couldn’t cope in a family environment, I alienated my kids. I destroyed them with my hatred and emptiness. I saw them as an extension of myself, without any emotions of their own. I was a hateful, empty, self-absorbed and very selfish. I didn’t see myself as being worth anything, therefore I couldn’t see other people as humans.

It took six long years to work through myself, discover who the real me is. I went into that mist filled room where the little child I really was, was locked up. At first I just sat there, devastated by the hurt and anger I caused her. The inner me stopped to grow the moment I locked her in that room. When I opened that door she sat there, naked and terrified of the illusion of me. I started to slowly speak to her, I listened to every word she had to say, and I took responsibility for what I did. I had to prove myself over and over, that I can be trusted with her feelings.

She no longer throws tantrums, she comes out and plays as if she never went into that room. She started to cope when I had healthy arguments with someone, she coped with rejection beyond expectation. I started slowly but surely to integrate her within my being. I morphed into a full human being. I see myself as an integrated person with plenty to learn and experience.

I didn’t realise that I wasn’t a victim of others but a victim of myself. It was only when I came face to face with a being that exists in the shadows of herself that I knew this was what I was.

Please if you have a narcissist in your life that has numerous affairs, know that you have no cause therein. You flatter yourself if you think a narcissist even considers you in anything he does, positive or negative.

Remember, a narcissist is a human leech, what do leaches do? They suck their victims dry. He must have a variety of hosts in order not to suck someone too dry too fast. For him to start a new relationship he must pretend, that in itself is exhausting for a narcissist because he wants to start feeding. He feeds a bit from A then B then C and so on and so on, this ensures that A will be replenished the next time he comes around for a feed. All the blame he dumps on you as to why you are the cause of him having all these affairs is a means of justification for what he is doing. He can’t face up to the responsibility of his own actions. He even has to leech responsibility from another person. He doesn’t love those women, or have deeper connection to them than with you, not at all. This shows you how empty he truly is: the amount of hosts he needs to get satisfaction. The more feeding he requires the emptier his soul is.

No one has permission to degrade, demean, belittle and abuse me

No one has permission to degrade, demean, belittle and abuse me

A year

They say that when the student is ready, the teacher appears.  I imagined the teacher would present themselves as a kind-hearted, angelic and loving being. I never imagined that the teacher would present himself as a monster hidden behind a façade of a soul mate. Such is my story. My teacher swooped into my life and swept me off my feet.  I allowed myself to be vulnerable and open.  I allowed myself to expose my vulnerabilities because my teacher loved me and would protect me.  my teacher quickly became the man of my dreams. we celebrated finding one another… Finally.  In a world of broken promises, betrayal, pain and built up walls, we no longer needed our armour. We had each other.  In his eyes, I saw my future.  The years of holding back, of waiting for the right time to allow myself to trust, he had arrived.

What started off as a love so true, slowly transformed into a nightmare.  But I refused to see it.  What he once loved about me, the vulnerabilities shared with him, slowly turned into the arrows he shot me with.  He knew I loved him. When I was hooked, his mask started to fall off. He was no angel at all.  He was the devil disguised.  Yes, I stayed.  I transformed to the best of my ability, into someone that tried to be loveable.  He loved me once before, surely, he could love me still. And herein lies the lesson.  I loved me less and less and truly wanted my teacher to be proud of me and love me still. I forsake myself and fed my self-worth and value to the devil. But he could not be satiated. The more I gave, the more he wanted and needed. Until I no longer recognized myself.

I’m not too proud to say, it was not I that ended the relationship. I was committed to show him again, all the reasons why I was worthy of his love and affection. he treated me horribly. He was mean and vindictive and apathetic. If I cried, he would get mad.  If i refused to argue, he would get angrier. Towards the end of the relationship, I wouldn’t engage in arguments, I would swallow my pride and hope that he could love me still.  That’s who I became.

But its okay.  Sometimes teachers don’t tell us, they show us.  And my teacher showed me. he showed me that no one has permission to degrade, demean, belittle and abuse me. my teacher challenged me to stand up when I was bowing at his feet. The relationship ended when he blamed me for him needing to find someone better.  He met someone better…. That is what he told me. at that point, I understood the lesson… It was the last test… I must stand up.

I stood up.

This isn’t intended to disrespect him. It’s not about him. He was placed in my life for a reason. This is about me and my story and growth. I wish him well on his journey.

Things I’ve learnt in a year…

Things I’ve learnt in a year…

It is about a year since the words ‘narcissistic abuse’ appeared on my radar. That ‘eureka’ moment of reading online about a set of behaviours and matching them to what I had been experiencing with a ‘friend’ will be ingrained in my memory for ever. I’m not going to retell the tale of that friend. Suffice to say it was hurtful, beyond comprehension at the time and not an experience I ever want to repeat. But, here I am a year later with no contact set in place , and I can reflect back on what I have learnt from this life changing encounter.

Well for starters, I have learnt a whole new vocabulary.  Gaslighting, projection, blame shifting, who knew?? Well me now! I read everything I could lay my hands on for months, I spend many, many hours on narcissistic abuse forums and websites. I began to see the patterns and similarities of my story with others’ experiences. The same phrases uttered; ‘you’re too sensitive’, ‘that didn’t happen’ ‘I didn’t say that’, ‘what is wrong with you’ ‘I’ve never had problems like this with anyone else’ ‘that was your fault’ , ‘you just don’t get me do you’, ‘why do I always need to explain myself to you’, ‘Do you think you can control me’ (!) and that’s just the regularly repeated ones.   Guess what though – turns out it wasn’t just me on the receiving end of those phrases, but that these seem to be taken straight out the virtual emotional abuse manual issued to the toxic. Seeing the similarities made me see that I was indeed not alone in having being manipulated by someone with no empathy and a need to control. I found that reassuring as much as extraordinary that I’d never been aware of all this before.

I’ve more or less stopped checking the websites now, just the occasional peek, and Amazon has stopped the ‘ how to spot a sociopath at 10 paces,’ recommendations for my reading , but the experience still sits within, with a degree of sadness . It has made me look at other friendships with a more judgemental eye. In some cases, I’ve put some emotional distance between people I now see as not being particularly kind or caring. I can also see that I have always given people too many chances, been too keen to excuse inconsiderate behaviour and allow people to treat me in a way I wouldn’t dream of treating them. Not anymore. I’ve also realised that some of my friends whom  I used to regard as more sedate and therefore less exciting, are in fact the very people who have always acted with genuine kindness to me and I’ve made much more effort to just enjoy the company of these kind people, even if it isn’t out having wild times with them. I’m appreciating the authenticity of these people who don’t have an agenda of stealthy control and manipulation disguised under the pretence as being a pal.

I do look back with regret. I can see how easily I was drawn into this toxic relationship by ignoring my instincts because I felt flattered by the attention offered and enjoyed the spontaneity and the novelty of having a friend who seemed SO in tune with me.  But ,and what a but,  I can also see how it was all an act to pull me into a relationship where my expectations were slowly but surely  lowered to actually accepting abusive behaviour.  Where I felt that I had to try really hard to maintain the approval of this friend. Where I began to feel like the effort was one sided, where all promises were broken, where my personality was under scrutiny and found wanting on so many points and …oh you know how it all ends with these kind of people!
I’ve had to deal with mutual friends asking what happened many times. Initially I felt I had to give a blow by blow account with all the ensuing reactions but now, when  asked, I  just say we don’t really see each other anymore. I’ve even asked some people to stop giving me any information about my former friend as I’m not interested. In one case, the person seemed unable or unwilling to not act as a good between so I’ve also cut my connection with him. No great loss really.

Anyone who has been through an experience like this will appreciate how hard it is to make sense of. The idea that some people thrive in actively abusing someone they claimed to love and create an illusion of who they really are to hook you in, just sounds so twistedly unreal but I reckon I would recognise the warning signs now . I’ve found writing about my experiences very cathartic.  To share my story anonymously with sympathetic people who understand has helped me enormously. I have realised that the qualities of mine that made me so attractive to my former friend are the very qualities that I should focus on acknowledging more to myself. More self care, and self-compassion are going to be my focus from now on. I hope you too can join me in those goals and thrive and flourish  in a future free from toxic behaviours.

He does not care who he hurts

He does not care who he hurts

After 3 years of dating we got married 20 years together, looking back now there were some subtle warning signs back then. Such as he’d be bossy have a little tantrum when things didn’t go his way.  At the time we both worked yet he never helped around the house. I stopped working at his request when our first child was born, he never helped with the baby.  Shortly after my son was born I developed some serious health problems, I was found to have a blood clotting disorder and I ended up in the hospital due to a blood clot in my lung. He actually had a bit of an attitude while I was in the hospital because there was no one home to cook for him.  When I got home from the hospital he expected me to be back to normal and when I wasn’t there were more tantrums.  I eventually started feeling better but shortly after I began to feel sick.  After many doctors’ visits and specialists, it was determined that I had chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia.  They said that it was possibly the stress of the blood clot, I had also been experiencing severe postpartum depression ever since my son was born. I pushed myself really hard and although I was not 100% better, I faked it. When my son was two, we wanted to get pregnant again although it was advised to me never to become pregnant again due to the blood clotting disorder.  When our second son was born he was extremely sick he was born with fluid in his lungs, had asthma and contracted RSV. The doctors told me that there was a great possibility he would not make it during this time, I cried in the hospital alone.  He not only finished the work day, but stopped for a beer afterward.  My mother watched my oldest son while I stayed by my son’s side in the hospital.  My husband showed up when he felt like it, never stayed late at night, always had to go home early and basically left the bulk of this on my shoulders.  After about two  son started to get better so I started taking the kids out every day.  We would go over and sit at my mom’s house because my sister would be there with my niece and the kids could play and we would go to the playground and things like that.  I would always ask him to pick me up from my mom’s house after work because I don’t drive.  This made him angry and he would sit outside of my mother’s house revving the engine and when I told him that I would like to start stopping at the supermarket on the way home from my mom’s to pick up something to cook for dinner, he would become extremely angry.  It would be during these trips home from the supermarket that he would start calling me names and being really nasty.  He went through a stage of when he would come around the backseat to help me get the packages, he would get up in my face and repeatedly say pig pig pig pig talk eventually led to him spitting and making splitting noises in my face a few times.  He actually did spit on my face when I asked him why he told me I couldn’t take a joke.  When we would get in the house he would say things always get cooking woman and things like that.  In 2005 I left him, I wanted him to see what life is without me in hopes that he would mend his ways.  I moved around the corner to my parents’ house.  His parents lived on the same block so he would go over to his parents’ every day to see what I was doing, yet he would never talk to me.  He would sit on the step and give me a dirty look, so I assumed things were not going to change.  About a month after that, I received an invitation to go spend the weekend in Florida with two friends of mine, they paid for my ticket.  I went on the trip because I needed some time away and it was only for a weekend. During that weekend, one of the two friends was a guy and I ended up hooking up with him (I had filed for divorce when I left him so I did not consider this cheating). I went to Florida one more time for another weekend and the same thing happened but this time I really started to feel sad and I really started to think there has got to be someway I can work my marriage out so, I had my sister talk to him and he agreed that he would be willing to work things out and that he would change his ways.  We got back together, at first he was very nice and very apologetic for the way he had acted in the years prior.  About two months after that I discovered I was pregnant with our third child.  Now remember I was not supposed to have anymore children after my first because of my health. After my third child was born my health declined rapidly. He did help sometimes but when he did he made it as if I ‘owed’ him.  In the course of three years I was not only in great pain physically, he was being very hurtful.  I had fifteen major surgeries and he told me I was useless and worthless. He cut me off from my friends by keeping in touch with them making up all kinds of stories (which I didn’t find out until later).  My only friend was a girl I had met online years prior.  But he gave me a hard time about talking to her because she was Mexican and he is racist.  He used to call her my wetback friend (excuse the language as I am not racist).   He then began cheating. First girl was in her early 20s and him 38.  I later heard from her he told a bunch of lies about me to her and that he was moving way too fast.  That ended and he was sorry. I took him back. A year later I found there were three other girls online at the same time all listening to the same lies and stories. One caught on and stopped.  The other two continued. Out of those two, one girl came clean and began talking to me, telling me everything.  He was sending them both the same emails, songs, naked pictures, videos etc. until the one girl had enough.  So he was just left with one.  Here’s the funny thing as I said before he’s racist, especially towards Mexicans (I’m not so please don’t think I am). Well this new girlfriend is Mexican.  He carries on a long distance relationship for the past 4 years and has changed so much his own family is shocked.  She is a very materialistic girl and he gives in to the materialism and lets her groom him. He hates facial hair but she insists on it.  He dresses in clothes he does not like. And listens to music he does not like.  All the while he treats his family and the people who love him like garbage.  He is so full of himself, he does not care who he hurts and it looks like he’s found his match in her.  He has children that are hurt by this behaviour, but it rolls right off his shoulders.   How do you act around a man like this to knock him down a few pegs?