This isn’t love

This isn’t love

This isn’t love – silly girl. Tears and fear. That’s what you call love? Yeah, so he bought you a dozen roses after that last fight. He got you a new pair of shoes that he chose for you. Not your style, not at all. But you wore them anyway. Remember when he made you go change your hair because you looked like a skunk and there was no way he’d be seen with you in public looking like that. The day his ex’s picture hung from your fridge and you begged for it to be removed. He told you she was more beautiful than you. Love? This is love to you? That laugh… remember that laugh when you asked if the girl on tv was prettier than you? The comments after that made you realize never to ask such a thing again. Pushed to floor at seven months. He didn’t mean too push so hard. If you weren’t top heavy you wouldn’t never have fallen. The excuses… oh why did you believe them all? The pink pants and new sweater from your mother-in-law… you loved that outfit. Remember how it got torn? The day he kicked you out and you weren’t leaving fast enough. The push down a stair then he grabbed that sweater so you wouldn’t fall more. He saved you. Right? That is love. Wait… who pushes those they love? Who pushes them down the stairs? The bruise to your arm… not a big deal. The cut on your face when he got carried away. Oh who cares… but what about the bruises on your babies head? Who protected him? Oh that’s right… it was justified. The excuses. You believed them all. It really wasn’t that bad. It wasn’t what it looked like. Still think this is okay? This is love…? He says it is, so it must be. Every excuse and reason no matter how crazy or silly they seem… You believe him… it all happened his way. Marriage was the cure. That would fix it all. Right? Oh goodness girl. What were you thinking? Night one… big fight and he tore up that marriage licence. Oh wait remember the fight before the wedding? How he made you plead and beg… Not sure now what exactly was said that day… but no one should ever feel like that. Name calling. Swearing. Yelling. That is what you call love? Movie nights…romantic and sweet, right? Not even close. Those were always something you feared. Falling alseep wasn’t allowed because if you did so you would get pushed to the floor. Waking up as your falling. Oh those were the days. People have it so much worse. This is true. He really is a great guy and can be so sweet. Maybe so. Together though… you both deserve so much more. Separation. Dating. Been there. Together again. Everything is better, right? Name calling doesn’t happen nearly as often. Curfews will always be there. Phone calls. Oh so many to see where you are. Don’t be late or it will still be a fight. He’d never lay a hand on you that’s a fact. But the silent treatments that last for days. The yelling. Oh it still hurts. He loves you. This is so. Wait? Love… is this love? Remember when you wanted a baby? He agreed to try but only if you repaid him every single time you’d try. He needed something in return for…whatever he wanted. Oh girl. Explain yourself again. You are not just a joke. You are stronger… oh so much stronger than you think….


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