Narcissists don’t like to see you happy unless they are the cause of you having such a great time so you can bet your bottom dollar, if you’re having a ball, they’ll do all in their power to change that.
Maybe it’s a holiday you’ve been planning for some time and the narcissist knows just how much you’ve been looking forward to it.
Maybe it’s a reunion with some friends, a family get together or a special birthday party. Whatever the occasion, the narcissist will do their utmost to make sure that it is special for all the wrong reasons.
Narcissists are generally not happy people. They don’t want to see you having fun and enjoying yourself when they are such empty, soulless creatures themselves who rarely feel fulfilled. They are often jealous of your close relationships with your family and friends, knowing that their ‘friends’ are often long gone or somewhat shallow in comparison. They seldom maintain a close bond with anyone, most having departed after seeing their true colours or having been discarded by this unhealthy and toxic individual.
Unless they are the reason for you having such a good time and therefore the centre of attention, they’ll do their best to sabotage the occasion. If the celebration is a birthday party or graduation celebration, they don’t want someone else receiving all the attention that should be directed towards them. Perhaps if they look dejected, everyone will feel sorry for them and turn their attention where it belongs. They want you to share in their own misery.
Happiness and contentment are alien to them. Why should you experience pleasure when they rarely feel satisfied? Why should they have to put up with being in the company of your friends or family?
As your holiday fast approaches, don’t be surprised if the narcissist picks a fight with you, and cancels the holiday at the last minute. They may have just found your replacement. Should you find yourself on holiday with a toxic person, and you are doing your best to make the most of your time, they are going to hate to see you enjoying life. They will go all out to ensure that the holiday will go downhill from there on. They will make a condescending remark just to dampen your spirits, or provoke an argument, basically anything to bring your mood down to a similar level as their own. Whilst on holiday, you may be directing all your attention on making sure the kids have fun. Isn’t that what normal parents do? Don’t forget that this person is far from normal. They want your attention, so they may resort to huffing and bad behaviour to get it. Any attention is better than none. You want the narcissist to enjoy the holiday or special event, so you try your very best to draw them out of their mood, but no matter how hard you try, nothing seems to work. You feel like they are making you suffer for your efforts to make them smile and be happy. It is like they see you as an enemy, and certainly treat you like one. Only a sick and twisted individual would behave in this manner and get some sort of pleasure from ruining holidays and other important events.
What can you do to avoid the narcissist spoiling special events?
Remember that if you are having a good time the narcissist will do anything to spoil it. They’ll want to make the day occasion memorable alright! Don’t give them the opportunity. Let them drown in their pool of negativity and self-pity. Carry on and leave them to it. Enjoy yourself and let them be. If they happen to come off with some disparaging remark, just respond with something like, ‘Fascinating,’ or ‘Interesting,’ and go and do your own thing and above all, enjoy the occasion. They may even decide not to show up for the event. Great. Have a ball and let them be miserable on their own.
Written by Anne McCrea
Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse, Shattering the Illusion, now available on Amazon