My story, past chapters. New beginnings! Healed & whole.

My story, past chapters. New beginnings! Healed & whole.

Most of the voids or not in one’s mind, hearts, souls are rooted from early childhood of some type of neglects from their parents whose hands they was under as rightly vulnerable young children.

Those negative voids might attack the same negative dysfunctional that’s within one’s minds, hearts, souls, some or most are unaware of their internal blindness and internal inner negative stagnations. Often times some or most try filling those negative area’s looking for love or filling loneliness in the wrong places and natural comes the wrong people. This was my case.

Discovering the negative root cause behind my some of my past choices such as in men, in my case a long painful journey of severe depression. I didn’t see my mom was a narc until 2016 and recently. On top of that having suspected she had my brother killed legally liquor poison and she rushed to collect 25 grand life insurance despite his funeral was fully covered, my guess is my brother was getting ready to leave after more than five years living and helping with rent in low income housing. Section8 she never raised any or all her 10 kids and drank with us all very heavy. We’ve all try to honour her but she’ll use it negative and abuse it.

I met my past narc at 25 years old again undiagnosed unaware depression. Was with him for 7 years. Bought 5 cars in my name all got repo, all for him had two evictions while he just sat there and watched me struggle while in my mind I’m only trying to do what’s right, because we went to church that’s my husband and I’m supposed to stand by his side and help him back on his feet while behind the scenes he only tolerated me, used me for what little I had never allowed to have any confidence or be any good success he would attack hence foolishness demeaning degradation put downs sooner or later I got tired of he’s only a little nice when I don’t speak nor express any disagreements or supposed interfere ask protect my kids wellbeing he’s threatened to hit me in past his body language tell me his response told me bc he’s hit me before. Before I escaped I prayed. One other women said… Strength I pray for your strength to leave the toxic situation.

Bc my past cry attempted separation divorce to get his stuff together wasn’t good enough nor the warnings from men of god in the pulpits, why because it was always me supposed I was the drama the one with mental issue not him. When I left I left hard. I left my mother after seeing her true colours. Now both been probably pointing fingers spreading rumours. How he acted the last time I saw him proved to me I was right he blamed played victim’s said I was the abusive one, accused me of false infidelity basic everything I described towards him he deny blamed twisted try turn tables on me.

My narc mom still lives a corrupt lifestyle drinking taking any man who gives her the slightest attention. But she’s taken it to the extreme anything to sabotage those who won’t can’t give her what she wants or tries to benefits from others hard work. I’m over it. Sadly everyone else will have to find out the hard way what those types really are.

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