It’s going to be hard to cut his mother out

It’s going to be hard to cut his mother out

I’m in need of some insight. This is in regards to my narcissistic mother-in-law (and mean/narc sister-in-laws.) I have been with my fiancé for over 10 years. In the last year I have figured out that he has been emotionally abusive for our entire relationship. We have been to couples counsellors for years, but he never tried. In January 2017 we went to a psychologist and my fiancé finally opened his eyes. The psychologist said HE is the one who needs the therapy and I do not need to be there. So, for the last year he has been seeing this amazing psychologist and I genuinely believe he is trying to become a better person now. After all these years of hell our relationship seems to be looking up… But now I have a bigger problem. His mother. Once my fiancé accepted that he needed to be going to therapy, his mother turned into a monster towards me. My fiancé confessed to me that she and her daughters have never liked me, which explains why they always made snide remarks to me when no one was around. In May of 2017, my mother in law came to my house when my fiancé was gone. She yelled at me for 2 hours about how none of this is her son’s fault and it is all my fault. (I barely replied, she just spewed hatred.) After this episode I started researching her behaviour (which I always thought was odd, but just brushed off.) She has all the signs of a narcissist and her 2 daughters are her henchmen. I told my fiancé I wanted nothing to do with them about 8 months ago. I finally stood up for myself after 10 years of their abuse, and he is finally standing up for me after running me down behind my back for a decade. (To give you an idea why they despise me… I have a strong moral compass and they have no morals at all.) Now my fiancé’s mother calls him every couple weeks and slams me. She has even went as far as saying she’s afraid “someone” will call CPS on us. (Our kids are immaculately taken care of, loved, respected and valued.) Yet, she is still making threats. She has spread rumours about me in town, so people that we knew won’t even talk to us. Her daughters are just as bad as her and spread my name like wildfire with flat out lies that make me look horrible. After talking to my fiancé’s psychologist he said to have his mother write an apology letter to me. She wrote a letter, it was filled with lies, the entire letter was telling me how bad I am and her only fault is that – she should have been involved more to “protect her son from me.” There is so much more, but it would be a novel. I am at the point that I am worried to go to public places in fear of running into her. According to what I have read the best option is for my fiancé to go no contact (I already have) but I understand it is going to be hard to cut his mother out. She has repetitively told him she does not like me and will always “speak her opinion about me.” Aka, the harassment won’t stop. Has anyone been through something similar? I cannot believe people can be this crewel. Any insight is greatly appreciated. Thank you.

2 thoughts on “It’s going to be hard to cut his mother out

  1. Your fiance has been the problem for 10 years. This is never going to get better. (Trust me. I was in the same situation as you for 30 years). You are not married to this man. I believe you should separate from him. Consult a lawyer BEFORE you leave and explain everything to him/her as there are children involved. You have the rest of your life to live. Try to make it as stress free and happy as possible. If you don’t want to do it for yourself, then do it for your children who ARE being affected by the turmoil. I also think you should go back to therapy to get your self esteem back, which has apparently been taken away bit by bit by a narcissistic, abusive family. I wish you peace and happiness.

  2. Hi there, you have literally written my life story with my husband! Except I’ve only got one sister in law who’s sucked into mother in law’s spell. We live in a small town of 18,000 people & have been non contact for just over 9 years – it’s bliss! Though I totally understand about what you mean about meeting the MIL when you are out & about. I change my grocery shopping times each week & scan carparks for their vehicles before parking to shop. Oh & yes the lies & slander…. if you believed what my MIL said about me – blimey I’m the devil incarnate! Well done on your partner seeking counselling – mine refuses to, but you can tell the emotional toll his mother has caused him. We have been married 20 years & if I’d known how much stress his mother would have caused us, I might have re thought things! But then I wouldn’t have our beautiful children. We took steps with the police – had her tresspassed & also issued with a criminal harassment notice. That stopped the stalking & driveways. Get a cheap CCTV – we did, best thing ever to catch her out & give solid evidence to the police. I bet she hasn’t told my sister in law that she was caught trying to enter our house late one night! Take care & keep strong, you know you are the sane one! 🙂

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