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Will I always be this way?

Will I always be this way?

I was in very bad dysfunctional narcissistic relationship, he was a pathological liar for years about every thing and any thing… He had a second life with another woman while living with me . He lied to the other woman and told her he was in Bosnia fighting the war while he was living with me helping with bills and playing house. I then found out he regularly visits escorts as well.

Well fast forward it’s been 2 years since the initial break up and 1 year since no contact.   I recently started seeing someone new and we have been spending a little bit more time together last night when we started to become a bit intimate I asked him to leave, I was having an anxiety attack and not just a small one but like full blown I needed to be by myself.  He was respectful and left.

Will I always be this way?  I am hurt and just want my life to be normal again, I want to be able to be open to love again.

Is there a limit to how many times they will hoover?

Is there a limit to how many times they will hoover?

I was discarded by my ex fiancé (female) in the most abrupt & hurtful way one year ago. I’m a male who is still rather emotionally raw and hurt but trying to move on and this page DOES help massively.

Just last week she sent me a Facebook Messenger chat request trying to connect with me (under a different surname which I think she created a new account since I blocked her.)

I was able to see a snippet of the message without opening it. It simply said ‘Hi, how are you?’  I didn’t respond to the message but I suspect it is hoovering.

Does anyone else think she was hoovering and why do Narcissists do this even when they make it clear they don’t want you in their life anymore?

Is there a limit to how many times they will hoover?

Never grow too comfortable

Never grow too comfortable

My biological dad is a narc and a sociopath. He put his 2nd wife in the hospital. Stalks her, and has been known to stalk us. He kidnapped my sister once when he and my mom were going through their divorce. I was adopted in 2014 by my stepdad at the age of 24, and legally separated any relationship I had with my bio dad.

Recently it came to light that he was stalking his 2nd wife again. His 3rd wife has gone completely silent on Facebook around the time he was seen stalking my parents and his 2nd wife. And she is being stalked online again, he always manages to hack into her computers to monitor and look for whatever he can find.

It was one month ago Friday that the recent events came to light. I live completely alone, 3 hours away from any family, I decided to  inform my employer I thought I could be a potential target for him. I gave a background to explain why I was concerned, got a security system at home and still thought I was over reacting.

One week to the day of installing the system and he actually came to my work. Luckily I had gone remote, I now work from home. The timing of when he was at my place of employment was very timed. Had I not started working from home Wednesday I would have seen him Friday.

Now I have to wonder how long he has been following me, how extensively he has been monitoring me, and how much he knows.

I have not seen him since 2005. The last time I spoke to him I had called to tell him he needed to help pay for my senior fees in high school. That was early 2008. It has been four years since I was adopted, ten since I talked to him, and thirteen since I saw him.

I thought I was safe, although my entire adult life I have known he could just randomly pop up and have always feared he would. I have been terrified of what I would do if I saw him again. Sometimes I thought I would hit him, maybe I would run, maybe I would crumble.

Well for a day, when it came to it, I was distraught. And it angers me to know that he would have derived pleasure from my discomfort. Today is Sunday and he showed up at my office Friday. I am still shaken but I feel stronger. I am am still mad at my emotions over him, but maybe that is what keeps me from being like him.

Please tell your followers, or share my post without my name. Always be vigilant. Never grow too comfortable. They can always come back and will never let you go. You still continue to live your life, if I had lived in fear for 10 years there is so much I would have missed. But always be safe. Love and live and let yourself feel joy. Your triumph and their loss, is your ability to live without their presence affecting you. Even if it takes an effort that feels like a mountain.

What should I do?

What should I do?

Sorry it’s long winded pleas bear with me. I’ve had no contact with my NM now for nearly 8 years, at the age of 31 my boy being 2 years old it hit me it was like a switch, I don’t want or need her BS in my life anymore and after trying to use my son against me that was the end. After lots of abusive messages and emails telling me I was the one in the wrong and telling everyone who would listen that I was an awful daughter etc., which I ignored she drifted away, she moved and moved again so I couldn’t find her (which made me laugh because I wanted NC).

Now over the last 8 years I have found out more of her lies and evil… at 12 years old I found out by them having an argument that the man I thought was my father in fact wasn’t (which although was extremely painful to deal with it explained his coldness towards me).  She then refused, until I was 27 years old, to tell me who my biological dad was. When she did tell me she was kind of forced into it as I had contacted her step father (my grandfather but had no relationship with), asking for info and explained she refused to tell me. She gave me a name, where he lived and the reasons she didn’t want me to have contact (of course he was abusive physically and mentally to her and she was scared of him and wanted me to have nothing to do with him because of this, she was protecting me).

I, knowing my NM lies permanently set out to find this guy. I found him eventually and slowly we began to build a relationship, it was amazing I’d finally found someone who loved me my dad that I’d craved and wanted so bad as kid and adult but it all started to go wrong after 5 years there were things that were said that didn’t make sense. Eventually I got some truth…my NM had written him a letter when I was 16 years old telling him I had died in a car crash! Obviously he was devastated at the time and had grieved! So it was a shock for him when I got in contact but he choose to not tell me what my NM had said but obviously it came out. It made me feel sick to my stomach why would she do that? Pure evil!! So after a rocky few years with him, I asked him to do a DNA test (just had that gut feeling) DNA came back 0%!!! My world fell apart, after 10 years of thinking he was my dad I find out he’s not. I felt guilty and extremely sad for him she had stopped access to him from the day I was born, moved and moved so he would never find her then the letter when I was 16 then me turning up at 27 to then find out when I’m 37 that actually I’m not his! Communications stopped between us but he did give me a few names of men it could of been, and turns out she was the local bike and it could be any one of 5 men, 3 of them do not want to know they have their own families and life and the other 2 have not replied. I was angry, heartbroken just an absolute mess, so I sent a copy of the DNA to her work place with a note asking her for correct info. I then receive an email from her telling me she owes me nothing, it was all my fault she’s gonna get lawyers on to me for slandering her name etc. I ignored that and did nothing else that was a year ago but now I feel I cant let this go, I want her to know that I know all about her lies and the hurt she has put so many people through by her evil, I’ve thought about writing it all in a letter sending it to her, I just want her to hear what I have to say. I’m not after contact at all but feel angry that she can get away with treating people like this! Would you write a letter? Go to a lawyer? What are you suggestions/advice on moving forward I’m at a loss on what to do next. 💔

I’m hurting

I’m hurting

I have had the worst abuse that I have ever had in regards to abuse by a woman for approximately 3 1/2 years off and on due to a narcissistic attitude.  This behaviour has caused a lot of hurt in me and I’m afraid to go to sleep. The woman has gone from a deceitful woman to being rude, hateful & threats with a razor knife but she says I wouldn’t do that to you. But she did and from what I know it’s the friends she hangs out with, they
are provoking her. I just now had to call the local police cause she convinced her husband I’m lying. I was a kind respectful man plus a man of God but I have gotten involved with her of really stupid stuff. Now she’s having an affair with my neighbour.  She has had him harass me day and night. I’m disabled plus did 2 terms in prison and I believe she is trying to put me back. Very evil woman,  I’m disturbed,  I’m hurting hard to feel worthy to do anything.

Am I over-reacting?

Am I over-reacting?

I’m just curious… Wanting to know if I was mentally abused as a child or is it just me over reacting..  As far back as I remember, is that my mother and father always argued about money every time my dad was home from work.  I would wake up… In the middle of the night, listening to my mother screaming at my father… I crept out of bed and watched them screaming and fighting. I witnessed my mother on many occasions slagging into my dad’s eyes and face while giving him the finger, telling him to sit on this and rotate china.  And then dad would smack her in the mouth…pull her hair and give her a bloody mouth or blood nose, while I’m standing in the door way crying and screaming… Please daddy don’t hurt mummy.

There behaviour for all them years has really affected my life and as far back as I can remember, my father has always told me that he is riddled with cancer.
I am over 40 years old now and he to this day now he is still telling me that he is dying or cancer.

Apparently, according to him, he has bowel cancer, prostrate cancer, emphysema, lung cancer, tumor on the brain., arthritis, deaf in both ears… Apparently he has had three massive heart attacks one after the other,  according to him.

I’ve put up with all his lies that I actually believed years ago that he was telling the truth..
But at 30 years old I finally realised that he has been lying to me the whole time.  I don’t go and visit him no more because I don’t know what to believe about him anymore.

Because I don’t give him sympathy anymore… I found out by my adult daughters that he has been messaging them, asking my daughters, “What’s wrong with your mother??”

“I’m dying of cancer,” or “I’m going in for surgery…No one comes to visit me in hospital,” or “I’ve been in bed crook for a month and no-one has rang me.”  And then has the cheek to  tell my daughters… “Your mother doesn’t visit me no more, what’s her problem?  I’m dying…your mother is waiting for me to die, so she can be a vulture like the rest of them vampires waiting for me to die so they can swarm on my belongings.”

My mother has 5 children, 8 grandchildren and one great son from my daughter.  My mother visits her other 4 children and 4 grandchildren, but doesn’t talk to me or visit my 4 children and grandson.

Honestly, I believe that my parents have mentally abused me, and now they’re trying on my children… What do you think?  Do you think I’ve been abused??  Or am I over reacting.??

Has an abuser used their diagnosis as a defence in court?

Has an abuser used their diagnosis as a defence in court?

There have been certain behaviours & actions directed at myself & including content published which has brought me to seeking a legal opinion.  I am wondering whether anyone has experience of Defamation claims brought against ‘Abusers’ who have brought forward their diagnosis as a defence of their actions specifically within the Defamation Court?