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From A Narcissist’s Perspective

From A Narcissist’s Perspective

I am a recovering narcissist. Throughout my life I was fully aware that I had major personality flaws but contributed it to my childhood pain. In retrospect I was correct, but was not aware that this resulted in me becoming a narcissist, I thought I was the victim! Until the day I met a narcissist, everything became clear.

I read hundreds of articles and did some in-depth studies and in each victim statement I recognized myself. I went as far as to contact people from my past to hear how they perceived me, each time I heard the same thing, I was a human leech. I drained them emotionally, physically and mentally. I thought they went on with their lives as if nothing happened. Little did I knew that in order for them to survive and recover they had to get as far away from me as they possibly could.

I’m objective now and do realise that they made their own mistakes in the relationship but I have to take full responsibility of being the wrecking ball of all these relationships.

When I met someone I admired I became them, and went as far as trying to be a better version of them than they could possibly be. If they were humble and kind, I was more humble and kinder. I dripped with honey, false smiles and hollow laughter. As soon as I could, even the first day of possible, I unleashed my terrible victim stories onto them. I made sure they knew exactly how much the poor me was hurting. I put these people on a pedestal and made them gods because through them I became what I really wanted to be. I thought I discovered the ONE that can fix and heal me. Needless to say, the illusion was short lived. The moment I discovered they are not perfect, not as sweet and caring as I thought, I could no longer project the ‘perfect’ person because they weren’t perfect. This resulted in absolute self-destruction on my part and the total humiliation of my objective. I hurled insults, I threw childlike tantrums, I cried and begged. I’ve endangered the lives of some of these people. All of this as an attempt to avenge the illusion of a perfect person, the one I wanted to be. How dare they disappoint me like this. I saw myself as their victim. I lived in self-pity my whole life. When they rejected me I couldn’t cope, I fell to pieces for months on end. I developed obsessions over them. I stalked them, I made sure in one way or another that they will remember me and the pain they put me through, until I met the next person I could built my illusion around and everything became better instantly.

I couldn’t cope in a family environment, I alienated my kids. I destroyed them with my hatred and emptiness. I saw them as an extension of myself, without any emotions of their own. I was a hateful, empty, self-absorbed and very selfish. I didn’t see myself as being worth anything, therefore I couldn’t see other people as humans.

It took six long years to work through myself, discover who the real me is. I went into that mist filled room where the little child I really was, was locked up. At first I just sat there, devastated by the hurt and anger I caused her. The inner me stopped to grow the moment I locked her in that room. When I opened that door she sat there, naked and terrified of the illusion of me. I started to slowly speak to her, I listened to every word she had to say, and I took responsibility for what I did. I had to prove myself over and over, that I can be trusted with her feelings.

She no longer throws tantrums, she comes out and plays as if she never went into that room. She started to cope when I had healthy arguments with someone, she coped with rejection beyond expectation. I started slowly but surely to integrate her within my being. I morphed into a full human being. I see myself as an integrated person with plenty to learn and experience.

I didn’t realise that I wasn’t a victim of others but a victim of myself. It was only when I came face to face with a being that exists in the shadows of herself that I knew this was what I was.

Please if you have a narcissist in your life that has numerous affairs, know that you have no cause therein. You flatter yourself if you think a narcissist even considers you in anything he does, positive or negative.

Remember, a narcissist is a human leech, what do leaches do? They suck their victims dry. He must have a variety of hosts in order not to suck someone too dry too fast. For him to start a new relationship he must pretend, that in itself is exhausting for a narcissist because he wants to start feeding. He feeds a bit from A then B then C and so on and so on, this ensures that A will be replenished the next time he comes around for a feed. All the blame he dumps on you as to why you are the cause of him having all these affairs is a means of justification for what he is doing. He can’t face up to the responsibility of his own actions. He even has to leech responsibility from another person. He doesn’t love those women, or have deeper connection to them than with you, not at all. This shows you how empty he truly is: the amount of hosts he needs to get satisfaction. The more feeding he requires the emptier his soul is.

Has anyone witnessed this?

Has anyone witnessed this?

I find it extremely perplexing that a Narcissist lacks any empathy and is colder than an iceberg but instantly melts at the sight of an animal suffering and offers all empathy and emotional support!  Has anyone witnessed this?  How can this be explained?  One can make that case for sadism where the Narcissist is cold ‘on purpose’ towards their victim and is fully aware of his act as apposed to not being aware of their unfortunate deficit.

 

People hurt me all the time

People hurt me all the time

Everyone in my life is a narcissists. I was told because my parents are that, that’s why I attract those people…. I still don’t understand. 😭😭😭

No one can make me understand why I deserve to be hurt. What is wrong with me. People hurt me all the time, but when I retaliate, I’m evil. They throw the mean things I’ve said back in my face, but I never do that to them. Then they remind me enough and I feel so guilty, I self mutilate. Then now I need help, medication, and I pushed them away and this is why people don’t deal with me.

Her stories keep getting worse

Her stories keep getting worse

I know someone that is narcissistic. She is putting blame where she should not. She was found to have lied in court and now taking for the 4th time. Her stories keep getting worst as it goes. Now she’s involving children that love their dad very much. She keeps bashing him online. A court order states she is not to interfere with conversations between his children and she is all the time. She broke her PO last year and talked to him. All was good and she was laughing. She said sorry to him many times during conversation. We are going to court again for same accusation that he was found not guilty of. The courts here have no clue a judge already made his ruling on this as she did not give them papers. She says God made her do things. Hello? You are only responsible for your own actions now face them again. Poor kids, she fills their minds with untrue things. She has admitted to telling them things so she can put kids against him. This is not right. If she loves her children, she will stop. She told the kids that, if he does not stop trying to get 50/50 custody, she will have him charged and jailed. What sane person tells her kids that? What a mess.

My ex belittles our daughter

My ex belittles our daughter

Hi I would like to remain anonymous but wanted to talk about how my ex who is an N 100% has tormented our daughter over her weight. He has belittled her and often when he finds her eating food will go into a rant about how unfit she is. She has a thyroid issue although not on medication as it’s borderline at this stage. She is only 12 and his family also are weight shamers, anyone who is slightly overweight is always made fun of, including their granddaughter!

This week, I got a call from her school saying she had attempted to induce vomiting and today she came home with self harm cuts on her arm.

I am beside myself with grief and worry, I told him how his constant put downs are causing her to become so distressed but he said ‘it’s not the words’ it’s her weight she has a problem with. Completely dismissing that he may be causing her to feel this way.

We are now going to counselling with the school as of tomorrow.

I’m sure my son is a narcissist

I’m sure my son is a narcissist

I’m pretty sure that my son is a narc, he makes our lives a misery with his constant ranting and shouting, calling us retards  and telling us that he doesn’t know how we managed until we had him, that he know everything and that he’s always right, he said he should be running the country and be a dictated. He says we have messed up his life and it will be better when we’re dead. He has never worked as he says he won’t  be part of this society and spends his time watching YouTube videos of professor’s as he thinks he’s on their level and needs someone intelligent to listen to as he has to live with us. My husband wants to throw him out but I can’t  do that as I do love him but hate what he’s doing to us. Plus he says I will never see my grandchildren but the thing is I  Don’t  have any .

What do you tell your children?

What do you tell your children?

Hello, I have a question I’d love advice on from your readers.

For those who have children with their N, how & what did you tell your school-aged children about your divorce?  Typically, experts recommend telling the kids together with your spouse, but the NPD makes it difficult.  I worry about him having angry outbursts or lying to them about my role in all this.  I’d love nothing more than to say, “Daddy has decided he doesn’t love me anymore & wants to move away to another state.  He still loves you & you’ll still get to see him when he can make time for you.”

Is this ok, or will this be so inflammatory as to enrage him?  I had him barred from the house when I filed for divorce & the kids know something is up, but they don’t know what.  It’s been 3 weeks- 1st week he flew back to see them for 9 hours, 2nd week for 4 hours, & this week he isn’t coming back at all (his new supply’s separation became official & he’s helping her move out).  Next week he’s taking her on a tropical vacation to celebrate them.

Will he act right for the next woman he is with?

Will he act right for the next woman he is with?

Although I know it is said everywhere I have looked that Narcissists do not change and they will treat everyone they will ever be with the same, has anyone ever actually witnessed this happen after leaving the Narcissist for good? I’m just feeling very very low and having a hard time letting completely go from the fear that he will act right for the next woman he is with. I know it is highly unlikely but I think hearing confirmations of this from others that have been in the same situation would help me greatly. Thank you so much!

Should I become completely detached?

Should I become completely detached?

Thanks again for all the advice I definitely  practice, one other thing, some of my family and friends have said direct and more frequently indirect hurtful comments I told them the comments weren’t very nice and they got the hump, should I become completely detached towards them even if to save the relationship? Feedback very much appreciated xx☺☺☺