I feel completely numb

I feel completely numb

Hi there, I only came across your group tonight, which in fact I should have years ago.
Six years ago I started a secret relationship with a married man(which I am not proud of) that was everything I’d ever wanted. Handsome, charming, soft spoken, kind. But things quickly turned sour and I found this MR Right turning into a manipulative and evil individual. He put me down in every possible way, criticizing my appearance, lifestyle, education, family, character…
Not to mention that I found out very soon in the relationship that he had several sexual relationships with women that were not quite appropriate for his exquisite taste.
There was so much pain, low self esteem, self hatred on my part that I sometimes wonder how is it possible that a reasonably bright, fairly attractive woman with a bubbly personality turned into this pile of mess?
He made me believe I was crazy, paranoid, jealous and stupid.
Since I always sensed his dishonesty I found proof of his constant lies and deceit 2 weeks ago.
When I very gently exposed that what he’d told me wasn’t exactly accurate, he slammed the phone down and cut all contact.
I tried to phone back but I don’t exist anymore.I even blamed myself for exposing his lies.
After two weeks of insomnia, anti depressants, alcohol and extreme emotional and physical pain I feel completely numb at times, then totally hysterical at others.
I would be most grateful for some advice.

6 thoughts on “I feel completely numb

  1. He has done you a favour. Use this time to heal yourself and block all his emails, FB … whatever you need to because if he’s like every other narcissist he will show back up when he feels he needs or wants something from you again and if you’re not strong enough you will get sucked right back in to the emotional chaos. I took me 11 years to break free but I’m there now and staying NO CONTACT is the best thing I ever didk.

    1. I doubt he will.He will just move on and choose another victim to use and abuse.
      Staying no contact is no problem since he’s discarded me like and old shoe.
      But I must agree with you, he’s done me a favour. I just don’t know that yet.
      Thank you for your reply.

  2. ‘Since I always sensed his dishonesty’?? Umm, yeah. Dude was MARRIED. Sorry to be harsh, but , Karma. Try to frame it as a learning experience. Own your mistakes and dishonesty and vow to move forward in a healthier direction. The pain is real, I know. Beat it down by filling your time with positive activities, especially self care.

    1. I can tell you what helped me and made me stronger in myself. I read – a lot! – about controlling people and narcissism. As a result of this, I gave up expecting my partner to change his behaviour and, crucially, I stopped explaining away his behaviour as because of a difficult childhood and started naming it for what it was – bad behaviour that I was no longer going to tolerate. You also have to remind yourself that you are worthy of a decent partner and a good relationship – and this was not it. Why should a deceiving, badly behaved, nasty person dictate your self-worth? Read as much as you can so that you are not taken in again and love yourself enough to not engage with your recent ex or any other narcissist again.

      1. Indeed. Not a good relationship. Not even a relationship.
        Reading, research, therapy and medication.
        And there will come a time when I’ll be able to forgive myself for loving him.
        Thank you for your reply.

    2. Yes, Karma.In my case it is. I see your point, I take full responsibility for being immoral and blinded by the vision of love. It’s a long story and not all black and white. A learning experience for me, no doubt. For him? Just a bit of fun on the side.
      Thank you for your advice.

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