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Category: Ask the Audience

How do I get the court to see through him

How do I get the court to see through him

I intend to go to court to get a child arrangement order for my grandson to live with me, his dad, with whom he lives is a narcissist who has already fooled the court to win against his Mum. How do I get the court to see through his “butter won’t melt in his mouth” act and to see him in his true colours?
I can’t get him to leave

I can’t get him to leave

Please help. I have been trying to end my marriage to a narcissistic husband for over a year. He just won’t go. I own my home so I can’t get up and leave him. Everybody says about going no contact but I can’t even get him to go. He keeps threatening to leave because he said I am the abuser and if I only did what he said we would be happy. I tell him that’s ok. I even tell him I don’t love him and I will help him to get rehoused, I have even said I will make payments to him to help him out financially but he just never goes and then talks to me about plans he has got us like nothing has happened. I don’t know how much longer I can take him putting me down and finding fault in me for some awful rages he goes into. Often ending up him breaking something in our home or throwing thing at me. Please, where do I start to get him to leave? If I called the police I know he will kill me. I am so afraid. Please help.

The grandchild is used as a weapon

The grandchild is used as a weapon

I would like input on what to do when the narcissist is your daughter and she has your grandchild. The grandchild is used as a weapon of choice every time my daughter is mad at me. It’s heart-breaking. I want a relationship with my granddaughter but not my own narcissistic and abusive child.
How Do I Get Over This?

How Do I Get Over This?

I was in a long distance relationship with a guy for about 7 months. Initially he used to tell me that I need to be taken out of my corner and I need to be taught stuff, because I know nothing. Over time I got insulted- I know nothing, I’m stupid, brainless, and I’m like a child who runs behind my parents. He said I’m not nice, he can see how I am going to be, I am shrewd and annoying. On two occasions he told me that I am lucky he is not violent- because he goes to church. He used to always say that he likes to fist me or he will come here and fist me in my mouth. In addition to this, whenever I said or did something he didn’t like, I got ignored. My phone calls were ignored so were my messages. It usually went on for 2-3 days. I found myself begging him for attention and in tears on these occasions. He called me names like fat thing, fat pig etc. This never happened in public or in person but always on the phone. He was never cruel to me in person. Everything happened on the phone. He did push me once and I told him to never do that to me again. Whenever I said ‘No’ to something he would say we will see. He never swore at me…but the words he used were killing. He was a very kind and caring man when we were together but apart I got nastiness. He called my religion a cult and said we are blood drinking people. Is he a narcissist? Now that I have left, he blames me for everything. I have twisted thinking, I was always negative and I am stupid. I am closed off. I hurt him, I threw him away. I got to a point in the relationship where I was even scared to voice my opinion or say something for the fear of his words and annoyance. He hardly ever called me- I called him all the time. I still love him- and I think about all the good times we had together. I know he never cheated. How do I get over this?
My boss is a narcissist

My boss is a narcissist

What do you do when your boss makes your working life hell? I’ve worked for this firm for a very long time and used to love my work. That was until we got a new boss. She treats people like shit unless you happen to be one of her cronies who run after her, making her coffee and run her errands. She’s already got some long standing staff sacked because she made them look bad by telling lies. She seems to be so lovely when the big bosses are about. They don’t see what she’s really like. They can’t see through her. Nobody has the guts to stand up to her. I think they’re all afraid of losing their jobs. Please, any advice would be appreciated. I don’t know how long I can keep going into work but there’s not a lot of jobs going about here so leaving isn’t really an option.

Do I leave and never look back?

Do I leave and never look back?

Would like some advice anonymously. Been married 10 years to a policeman. Everyone loves him, he is great at his job, and does nothing but talk about me (his beautiful wife) and our 3 children. Perfect right?? Wrong. He has cheated on me a few times now. Each time he says he is sorry, claims it was friendship only just calling and texting. 3 years ago I left. He begged and pleaded to take him back. I did so, more so for our kids. Have just found out, through phone records, that he is at it again, ringing and texting 3 different women. I had been suspicious for a while but he would just say I had to trust him, but never would show me his phone records. Obviously I didn’t believe him and got hold of his records anyway. Do I leave and never look back?? Is he a narcissist??  He meets some, but not all, very confusing. He certainly is a chronic liar and cheating, and despite what he says he will never stop. I am just upset and scared of being a single mum with 3 kids. It’s certainly not how I had my life planned out.  Apart from cheating, he is living, caring and in general a good husband.

I used to be so strong and capable

I used to be so strong and capable

I have been following your Facebook page with such interest. I have a Narc mother – and I think I may have a Narc husband but I’m getting confused about if maybe I’m the awful one. My mother never liked me – would humiliate me constantly in order to make herself look good – I can’t even begin to describe what she did to me over the years. It makes me feel so sick.

My husband has no empathy. After my mastectomy we inadvertently ended up by a beach and I just froze – he walked off saying that it wasn’t his problem and that there would always be beautiful women to look at.

Time after time after time things happened like this – going to dinner and being ignored, going to pick the dogs up from the kennel and being ignored. I had major surgery a few years ago and had to ask him not to flirt with the nurses just for that day.

When I’m sad or in need of attention from my oncologist he withholds all care. He is fine when I’m ‘behaving’ but the minute there is any pressure he withdraws and withholds and it doesn’t matter how sad or hurt I am he just stares at me angrily and keeps saying f ‘well what do you want to do about it’.

Everything is met with anger, detachment, withholding of love or compassion or empathy. He doesn’t talk to his two children because they don’t ‘care’ about his troubles with their mother. So many hard things – so much anger and awful cold aggression – but I’m starting to think maybe it’s me? Maybe my needs are selfish? Maybe I’m the one who is just expecting too much? Or maybe if my other is a cruel and unkind narcissist – well maybe I am one too?

Can you help me? I have just gotten some anxiety tablets today to try and help me settle down – but I truly am worried that maybe I’m the one making things difficult empty and sad.

Thank you for your site,  xx I’m so ashamed of everything – I used to be so strong and capable. My cancer and subsequent partner have kind of thrown me.

I’ve never been treated so poorly by somebody

I’ve never been treated so poorly by somebody

We met in October 2014. Although he was asking me to marry him within weeks, we married September 2015. He is now 53, I’ll be 29 this year.  I’ve never been treated so poorly by somebody.  I knew nothing about these kinds of people. Why is it so difficult to get away? I filed for divorce February 2017. He cried promising to be a better man, blaming me and everyone else for the way he is.  He has the addiction problem, pain pills.  There’s no confronting the lies because then I’m being a drama queen, backing him into corners, and making him walk on egg shells.  “I’m 53 years old, I don’t need to answer to anybody!” But yet I’m supposed to? I got screamed at when I mentioned getting a part time job.

Since I’ve filed we are still living together, he was supposed to have spinal surgery, but they won’t do it unless he quits smoking, “how much do you want to bet on the 7th I’ll never touch one of these again, I have to do it for my family” he didn’t, then lied and hid cigarettes.  The most I was doing was holding him accountable so he could get fixed.  But I was a bad person for it.  Part of holding off court was so he could do surgery and in meantime (estimated 1 month) we would go to counselling.  We’ve had 1 session which was not helpful, and the surgery most likely won’t happen anytime soon.  I have concerns for other drug use.  Why am I still here when I know I don’t want to be with him, I know I deserve better, so much better.  I’m young and going into my prime with a child (7, not his.) He’s old with all sorts of health problems.  He’s being especially nice now, trying to get me to move us to Florida, 1500 miles away.  My mind won’t let me think, won’t let me act.  I see it, I just can’t do it! How!?

There’s so much more and I’m scared it’ll get worse overtime.  Time he doesn’t deserve from me anymore
I don’t want to be on my deathbed regretting

I don’t want to be on my deathbed regretting

Thank you for being here.  Feeling haunted by a former narc abuser who was the director of a dance troupe I was involved in. I went and stayed no contact over six years ago. This person has moved clear across the country.  I am just starting to renew my desire to dance and teach dance again (I loved it most of my life before her) but when I go to practice my body goes numb. I don’t want to be on my death bed regretting not dancing because of her manipulation gas lighting etc.  Any suggestions I would love and welcome.
How long did it take?

How long did it take?

It’s been four long years.  I’ve done the counselling.  I’m doing things for myself and I would say that I am content.  I’m enjoying the peace but for some reason I still think of him every day. I try not to but the thoughts creep in.  Will they ever go away? How long did it take you all to finally say… I’m there, I’m fully recovered? Does it ever really happen? I don’t think I’ll trust anyone again.  I’m destined to spend the rest of my life alone. Not what I dreamed of but I’m ok with it! I’d really appreciate your thoughts. ❤️