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Category: Ask the Audience

I’m scared to death

I’m scared to death

Has anyone left an emotionally abusive relationship with a drug addict? I am currently in the process of leaving with my children and I’m losing everything. I’m scared to death. I will be leaving my home to go start fresh in a friend’s basement with nothing. He has stolen from my kids and he has stolen from me. He and all his ‘friends’, our mutual ‘friends’ have lied and been deceitful behind my back. My heart just can’t take it anymore. If anyone has been through something similar, how was it for you? I could really use some words of encouragement right now. I have nobody.

How do you manage when you have a child together?

How do you manage when you have a child together?

I only recently discovered you and look forward to your posts every day. They have become my daily affirmations on how to finally break free from my narcissistic EX. I do struggle in one area however and that is this requirement to maintain contact with this man, simply because we have a child together. How do other people manage a relationship with a narcissistic EX because they have to, because a child is involved?

How did you cope?

How did you cope?

I was wondering if it might be possible to have a post asking the page followers to be share what methods they used to cope with the shell shock immediately after they discovered the truth about their partner being a narcissist.
I’m currently reeling after realising everything I believed to be true was a lie, trying to cope with the sudden discovery of horrible actions and basically having to deal with the fact that he’s a completely different person than I thought.
I’m finding it hard to manage the reaction to this trauma and would welcome some input..

I have totally destroyed my life because I’m a narcissist

I have totally destroyed my life because I’m a narcissist

Guys I’m reaching out to anyone because I have totally destroyed my life because I am a narcissist. I have had 2 failed engagements I have no friends and very little family. I cannot build any meaningful relationships or friendships because all I do is lie. I have lied and cheated my way through life and I have literally lost my soul mate. The woman who completed me. I’m reaching for help because I cannot trust myself in any way shape or form. The voice in my head is constantly telling me it’s all going to be ok and it’s ruining me. It’s ruining everything. I’m going to be alone on my 30th birthday and I have no one. It’s all my.fault and I have 2 options, either get help and realize I can’t do this alone, or I kill myself because I don’t want to hurt anyone, especially her, anymore. I’m trying as much as I can to be honest but even then, am I manipulating myself? Lying so much. I believe my own lies? Please, someone, anyone……help.

Am I being selfish?

Am I being selfish?

Just recently broke up with an emotionally abusive partner and I didn’t know it was a toxic relationship until it was over.

He has had a rough year, jobless and stressed most of the time. I was there for him through all of it.

A few months ago my aunt passed away. That was the exact day he decided to tell me he needed a break. He said I expected too much of him… After the funeral he ended things completely and said I was draining him.

Does needing someone to talk to make me a selfish person?

Do I keep my mother blocked?

Do I keep my mother blocked?

I was no contact with my narcissist mum for 7 months – last July through Jan 13 2018-  that was her 87th birthday. I missed holidays ,the traditional so called Christmas Eve and it was fine for me.

I saw people that I love and love me for holidays. So anyway my brother Joe called me and asked me why I was keeping away. I told him about the ongoing verbal and emotional abuse from her and I told him it was affecting my health so I was staying away. He’s presumably the golden child most of the time, he’s very wealthy. He wanted to talk about it, I did face to face but he convinced me to attend her 87th birthday. I did, she didn’t say anything at all to me. Just hello, no big deal. After that she started calling me maybe once a week or more. Easter came I attended dinner with my brothers and their families, she was present. It was ok.

Then this Mother’s Day 2018 I attended a dinner at another brother’s house, when I saw her I had a panic attack which lasted 3 hours. I called my therapist, he told me to leave the event, take a walk and go home for some meditation. I was fine after I left. I don’t know what happened, therapist thinks she triggered something and because I had let her back in to my life my guard was down and I had a reaction.

Now I have not seen her since May 13 2018. I talk to her once every 10 days by phone to just ask how she is. Pretty low contact I think.

One of my brothers had a cookout last Wednesday.  It was July 20 2018. I didn’t go.
She waited until July 29 to call me. I answered, she was ok at first then started verbally attacking me, calling me odd, crazy, not the same person , a variety of insults intended to demean my character. She even accused my husband and my best friend of turning me against my family! I stopped her there and said she was totally wrong, that I’m old enough to make my own decisions… anyway I tried to remain “grey rock.”

I know I should have hung up the phone but I didn’t. We eventually hung up not on bad terms. I blocked her from our home phone and cell.  I don’t know what else to do, I’m seeing my therapist on Tuesday.

My birthday is in a few weeks…I don’t know if I should remove the block on my phone?? I know that’s really stupid.. but I do need help.

I’ve been suffering for a week now… my therapist says it’s a culmination of every thing that she’s done and with this new trauma it pushed me over the edge… that’s my story..
Everyone in my family calls each other on birthdays… if I keep her blocked, she will disown me… I know it…it’s hard to be ready for that.

Did The Narcissist Manipulate The Assessor?

Did The Narcissist Manipulate The Assessor?

I’m wondering if anyone on here has gone through an ugly custody battle that required a section 211 report? Was the narc able to manipulate the assessor into believing all the abuse (well documented abuse, police, mcfd, eye witnesses) was not a cause for concern and stated the victim was in fact the person with a personality disorder. What was your end result???

She has no connection to us any more

She has no connection to us any more

I didn’t know a year ago when my daughter got married we would be literally giving her away to not be seen or talked to. She was a peacemaker, sweet, loving and trusting. Even in her teen years we never got a sore word. She’s now being that way to him. We don’t get answers to our calls and texts although occasionally if we do they’re ugly. They’re not from her. Has he taken her phone? Does she see our messages? Does she hate us and never want to talk to us again? Nothing bad ever happened. In fact he called me mom and joked and had fun with me. Then everything changed that day they got married. I feel like my daughter died but then I think it would be better if she had died. At least then we would have answers and know. It’s been a year since I lost my friend. I’m sad every day. I constantly think about her. We were close. I wake up in the morning feeling like I’ve been in a terrible accident and my pain medicine is wearing off. How do I live life normally again. And not be so sad? I’ve never been sad before. I’m a spiritual person. I pray a lot, I’ve been reading and educating myself, I talk to my husband and friends as much as I feel I can. I debate driving to see her but the books say no, she is an adult, just wait. I want to fight for my daughter. I know she’s being mentally abused but does she know it? She was close to her family. We are a very involved and close family. It’s been a year. She has no connection to us anymore and is completely alienated from everyone she ever knew. What can I do to help myself since there seems to be nothing I can do for her, I suppose?

How can I be a positive influence in her life when we’re not allowed in her life and any contact has been negative and seems to come from him?

They are not responding and she feels so unloved

They are not responding and she feels so unloved

Brief history… My ex and I split in 2012 (my choice). One child, a daughter who was 9 at the time. Horrendous legal battle ensued. He stole all assets and money (near $300,000). Never saw a cent. Has never paid child support. He had 6 lawyers, I barely could afford one as all our money was ‘gone’.  After 6 child psychologist/family assessors etc etc.. I was granted sole custody, at the recommendation of the last 2 psychologists, as a result of his behaviour toward both me and my daughter. The court (without us asking) also issued a restraining order so that he could not contact us in any way (breaches still occur)… he had 5 boys from 2 previous relationships, our daughter was my first and only.   I’ve always tried my best to allow the door to remain open when and if she wanted to reconnect with him or her brothers. ( she only likes 2, as 2 of the other ones used to verbally abuse her when she visited). So my dilemma is this… she is missing her brothers she likes (to note they are also 15-20 years older than her – they’re in their 30s).

She has tried to reach out to them via email, pinterest and instagram – and I am going to help her set up a FB account so she can. It’s breaking my heart because they are not responding to her and she feels so unloved by them… they are the only siblings she has, and irrespective of all the damage the ex (and the sons, yes, they were involved too) have caused, I am wanting to support my daughter where I can. What should I do? After her experience with the legal system and councillors – she will never talk to anyone again, she has no trust. I’m cautious with the brothers, knowing what I know (which my daughter is not privvy to). Im desperate, I dont know what to do. I would really appreciate any advice or suggestions at this point. Other than hugging her and telling her that my love for her is unconditional, Im at a loss.  Sorry for the super long post – this is only the tip of the iceberg. Thanks

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