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Am I over-reacting?

Am I over-reacting?

I’m just curious… Wanting to know if I was mentally abused as a child or is it just me over reacting..  As far back as I remember, is that my mother and father always argued about money every time my dad was home from work.  I would wake up… In the middle of the night, listening to my mother screaming at my father… I crept out of bed and watched them screaming and fighting. I witnessed my mother on many occasions slagging into my dad’s eyes and face while giving him the finger, telling him to sit on this and rotate china.  And then dad would smack her in the mouth…pull her hair and give her a bloody mouth or blood nose, while I’m standing in the door way crying and screaming… Please daddy don’t hurt mummy.

There behaviour for all them years has really affected my life and as far back as I can remember, my father has always told me that he is riddled with cancer.
I am over 40 years old now and he to this day now he is still telling me that he is dying or cancer.

Apparently, according to him, he has bowel cancer, prostrate cancer, emphysema, lung cancer, tumor on the brain., arthritis, deaf in both ears… Apparently he has had three massive heart attacks one after the other,  according to him.

I’ve put up with all his lies that I actually believed years ago that he was telling the truth..
But at 30 years old I finally realised that he has been lying to me the whole time.  I don’t go and visit him no more because I don’t know what to believe about him anymore.

Because I don’t give him sympathy anymore… I found out by my adult daughters that he has been messaging them, asking my daughters, “What’s wrong with your mother??”

“I’m dying of cancer,” or “I’m going in for surgery…No one comes to visit me in hospital,” or “I’ve been in bed crook for a month and no-one has rang me.”  And then has the cheek to  tell my daughters… “Your mother doesn’t visit me no more, what’s her problem?  I’m dying…your mother is waiting for me to die, so she can be a vulture like the rest of them vampires waiting for me to die so they can swarm on my belongings.”

My mother has 5 children, 8 grandchildren and one great son from my daughter.  My mother visits her other 4 children and 4 grandchildren, but doesn’t talk to me or visit my 4 children and grandson.

Honestly, I believe that my parents have mentally abused me, and now they’re trying on my children… What do you think?  Do you think I’ve been abused??  Or am I over reacting.??

Has an abuser used their diagnosis as a defence in court?

Has an abuser used their diagnosis as a defence in court?

There have been certain behaviours & actions directed at myself & including content published which has brought me to seeking a legal opinion.  I am wondering whether anyone has experience of Defamation claims brought against ‘Abusers’ who have brought forward their diagnosis as a defence of their actions specifically within the Defamation Court?

Did you fight them over custody?

Did you fight them over custody?

Hello – first of all, this group has been really helpful to me so far in my journey to get out of this abusive relationship with my N… I was wondering if you could pose a question to the group – I was curious about what kind of custody agreements people ended up having with their NX, if they fought them tooth and nail in court and any words of wisdom or advice… my NX didn’t care about our toddler son until I told him I was divorcing him…

How do I stop inviting them into my life?

How do I stop inviting them into my life?

After two-and-half years I didn’t know why I couldn’t move on. Aha moment today when I realised it wasn’t just that narc! I have been inviting them in to my life for so long now! How do I stop this please?

If you block someone’s mobile phone can they put their phone to “silent” and still call as a private number?

I have no affection or a thank you

I have no affection or a thank you

Been together for 2 years and not one back rub, or anything remotely passionate, we did go through a miscarriage and he doesn’t even care.  He had me walk a mile in the cold night home a day after going through surgery from the miscarriage.

I’m to the point that I’m catering to his every need and doesn’t even have to say anything, I feel like if it’s not done, I’m not enough, I work 40 hours and clean the house, he does nothing, I’m tired all the time and I just want to die because I do nothing for me, I have no affection or a thank you, if it doesn’t benefit him, he doesn’t care and won’t do it.

When do I become an enabler if I do nothing when I know the problem exists?

When do I become an enabler if I do nothing when I know the problem exists?

I have an interesting question for your readers I think. I am almost 2 years out of my abusive workplace with a very toxic queen bee, and although I have educated myself and removed 98 percent of the resentments I held, one thing continues to hold me back. A good friend is still in the abusive situation and is just as lost as I was when I left. My question is, I have practiced no contact for 2 years, but when do I become an enabler if I do nothing when I know the problem exists? I am a social worker and have a difficult time not stepping in to help someone being abused. I am sure you can see my conundrum and I am hoping maybe your readers will have some good insight.  Thank you for any help you can provide. 😊

It’s going to be hard to cut his mother out

It’s going to be hard to cut his mother out

I’m in need of some insight. This is in regards to my narcissistic mother-in-law (and mean/narc sister-in-laws.) I have been with my fiancé for over 10 years. In the last year I have figured out that he has been emotionally abusive for our entire relationship. We have been to couples counsellors for years, but he never tried. In January 2017 we went to a psychologist and my fiancé finally opened his eyes. The psychologist said HE is the one who needs the therapy and I do not need to be there. So, for the last year he has been seeing this amazing psychologist and I genuinely believe he is trying to become a better person now. After all these years of hell our relationship seems to be looking up… But now I have a bigger problem. His mother. Once my fiancé accepted that he needed to be going to therapy, his mother turned into a monster towards me. My fiancé confessed to me that she and her daughters have never liked me, which explains why they always made snide remarks to me when no one was around. In May of 2017, my mother in law came to my house when my fiancé was gone. She yelled at me for 2 hours about how none of this is her son’s fault and it is all my fault. (I barely replied, she just spewed hatred.) After this episode I started researching her behaviour (which I always thought was odd, but just brushed off.) She has all the signs of a narcissist and her 2 daughters are her henchmen. I told my fiancé I wanted nothing to do with them about 8 months ago. I finally stood up for myself after 10 years of their abuse, and he is finally standing up for me after running me down behind my back for a decade. (To give you an idea why they despise me… I have a strong moral compass and they have no morals at all.) Now my fiancé’s mother calls him every couple weeks and slams me. She has even went as far as saying she’s afraid “someone” will call CPS on us. (Our kids are immaculately taken care of, loved, respected and valued.) Yet, she is still making threats. She has spread rumours about me in town, so people that we knew won’t even talk to us. Her daughters are just as bad as her and spread my name like wildfire with flat out lies that make me look horrible. After talking to my fiancé’s psychologist he said to have his mother write an apology letter to me. She wrote a letter, it was filled with lies, the entire letter was telling me how bad I am and her only fault is that – she should have been involved more to “protect her son from me.” There is so much more, but it would be a novel. I am at the point that I am worried to go to public places in fear of running into her. According to what I have read the best option is for my fiancé to go no contact (I already have) but I understand it is going to be hard to cut his mother out. She has repetitively told him she does not like me and will always “speak her opinion about me.” Aka, the harassment won’t stop. Has anyone been through something similar? I cannot believe people can be this crewel. Any insight is greatly appreciated. Thank you.

A friend in a toxic relationship

A friend in a toxic relationship

I have a friend that is in a very toxic relationship. I have gotten her to compare the check lists to her partner and she is amazed they describe her to a “t”.  She is very busy and doesn’t have the patience to read all the  articles that explain how why and what to do. We made some major progress before Christmas and  She even had stood her  ground and asked her partner to move out and she did. Right before Christmas just days her partner asked to come grab some things, and that she did but she never left she moved herself right back in like nothing. There is a group if girls we are here for her but right now she doesn’t want to hear it from us. We’ve tried to say she had that planned and she has pulled away we are not allowed to visit and when she visits she us constantly looking for her to stop and cause a scene and she does. Can some one give me a short description how a narcissist know how to  move back in. They don’t want anyone else around. And don’t know how to  love this is a game and she is letting her win she says she doesn’t want us over because she just doesn’t want to hear her scream and doesn’t want to argue. She doesn’t think her partner is that calculating. Anything Short and sweet no big fancy words. Just simple.  Something that will help her recognize her partner is dangerous. Thank you all for  y’alls help.