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My life has been impacted by a narcissistic sibling

My life has been impacted by a narcissistic sibling

I am curious about what the members of this group would say about something I that is running through my mind. I feel I should remain anonymous.

I am starting to realize that my life has been impacted by a narcissistic sibling. Being older than I, it was easy for them to affect my view of the world. I am just starting to see how it has tainted all of my relationships. My own behavior caused problems for me, but I always wondered why people didn’t see the love I had in my heart. I do not trust, and that is obvious.

Anyway, I know what caused this person to become a narcissist. It was terrible bullying that was completely undeserved and unmanageable for my sibling.

Sometimes I wish to go no contact, but since I know the injury that was inflicted and how our parents lack of emotional intelligence caused them not to be effective at mitigating the injuries, I feel that I should not do it. I wonder what people’s thoughts are on this. It would be so unfair and sad for my sibling to lose absolutely everyone (once my mom is gone) because bullies abused them 40 years ago. It was inflicted on my sibling, so if I go no contact, it’s like they are still inflicting abuse on my sibling to this day.

I hope I expressed myself in a way that makes sense. I am somewhat upset at the moment because our grandmother is needing care in a way she never has before, and I am being abandoned to deal with it myself and with extended family members who can help some. My sibling has even come by my grandmother’s house and refused to help and then called and manipulated other family members to help with their laundry at this difficult time (!), so my thoughts are ‘muddy’.

Are my children going to be prone to this behaviour?

Are my children going to be prone to this behaviour?

I just moved across the country to have my children close to their dad and my boyfriend. I am in the process of finding a job but I am called lazy and other horrific names like (c**t, b***h, stupid). He wants me to help him work all day. Pay is commission based and if he gets leads takes a while to get paid. I just found out I am pregnant with baby and he is sending my mom Facebook posts telling her I lost my mind and I am lazy and messy and have something really wrong with my head. Then he gets nice and kisses me on the head and tries and acts all nice. My children and I do not deserve this. I have been reading and it appears to me that he may have narcissistic behaviour. Are my children going to be prone to having this type of behaviour and what if any help can he get that he will actually listen to and maybe change before he loses the kids permanently?
Is there ever an ending to all this abuse?

Is there ever an ending to all this abuse?

My heart is breaking. I fell in love with my best friend and she fell in love with me.

I helped her and her family break away from her narcissist husband / father. My daughter and her 3 children had to blend together and get used to gay mums!

Originally her two sons didn’t feel able to speak out about the abuse they suffered at his hands. Even a threat by him to kill the eldest. Police and social services have been involved. They chose to do nothing.

After almost two years the eldest (now 20) has spoken out. To be told he is lying. To be accused by his own granddad.

Is there ever an ending to all this abuse? We have crime numbers. We have witnesses. How can you keep a child safe when her narcissist father seems able to charm everyone? Even when we have had to report numerous sexual assaults and attempted rape with numerous people and children! Is there a light at the end?
He treats me like I am a doormat

He treats me like I am a doormat

I could use some advice, someone help please! I have been married to my husband for 4 years now and he is so hard on me and our son. He’s 20 years older than I am and I left my ex and other 2 kids to be with him. We do have a son together and I regret my decisions I’ve made through this whole mess but I can’t change it now. He’s a drug addict but was clean almost a year until 3 weeks ago he relapsed. He blames me for every single thing! Yes I turned him in when he was doing the drugs pretty heavy because we have a baby boy together and he was arrested and since we have gotten back together to make things work because we do love each other, or should I say I love him.  He’s cheated on me several times but his excuse was it was only the drugs. He treats me like I am a doormat. I used to be fairly small but have put on some weight over the last year and all he can say is how lazy I am or how fat I have gotten.  He is a mad man when it comes to money and I have no way to our bank account.  He always threatens to take my car because it’s in his name. I lost my family when I chose to stay with this man who beat me and cheated on me and so much more that I’m not even ready to open up about. I have forgiven him and he hasn’t put his hands on me for over a year now but today he’s making me feel like I’m worthless.  He tells me I can’t make it out on my own tells me he only kept me around for our son and I don’t have a job because every time I had one he accused me of sleeping with someone so I quit and stayed at home. I shut out the world including family and friends I now have no one to turn to. He has my mind so confused and I am beyond scared that I won’t make it out on my own. So I choose to keep staying here but emotionally I am dying and don’t know what to do anymore. My doctor prescribed me depression meds a long time ago but he told me I can’t take them because it’s all in my head so I don’t take them. He’s always on my butt that I haven’t done enough when in reality when he tells me to do something I jump. This is only the beginning of my story but I’m not sure how to really open myself up anymore and let it all out.
How do I handle this?

How do I handle this?

I am 4 years out of a 10 year marriage (15 years together) relationship with an extreme narcissistic alcoholic spouse.  He moved to another state and I have custody of our 2 children. He has not worked in 4 years and sees them once a year for a short summer visit. However in the meantime he sends the most vile messages to me reflecting all his guilt on me and anyone he can. I read a lot and try to understand the best I can on how to deal with this situation. The issue I can’t figure out is when I deal with horrific texts telling me how awful I am and him bragging of  his womanizing, nonworking lifestyle 90% of the time and then out of nowhere I get a kind caring text,  I have started not responding at all since it seems very fake.  So then I am told I have issues and exes can be nice to each other and it shows I am ‘damaged.’ How do I handle this? I was told to try to not communicate unless it has to do with our kids.  Yet he goes on smear campaigns against me and even to the children. I feel I can’t win, if I respond he feels all the mean abusive things he said are ok. If I don’t respond then I’m ‘the one that’s damaged and everyone sees it.’
He wants another chance

He wants another chance

He wants another chance for the 20th time…doesn’t admit his fault 100% and is controlling …  I am scared of being alone and I still love him. I don’t know if I am making a mistake if I do give him another chance.
I miss my grandchildren

I miss my grandchildren

I’ve been following your page for over a year and it has been a tremendous help to get me through encounters I have with my oldest daughter. I have boundaries that I won’t let her cross. I have been so happy in my life. I surround myself with people who are positive. She cut me off a year ago with a letter stating no contact whatsoever. I was pleased I didn’t have that obligation any longer to her. Although she has six of my seven grandchildren. That is who I miss, my grandchildren!! I worried she would fill their heads with awful things not true. She would still talk to her dad. One day two months ago she was in her car in my driveway when I got home. She was talking to her father. I asked permission to hug my grandchildren. She nodded yes, so I did and went inside my house. She came into my house and said, “Do you feel we need to talk?” I shook my head no. I could tell she felt insulted. I was not ready to talk because my youngest daughter is getting married and I don’t want her at her sister’s wedding. I want my youngest to have wonderful memory of her occasion. My youngest feels the same. I never mentioned my reason to my oldest daughter. So I kept my boundaries. I thanked her for making the first move to reconcile. I could tell she was upset. Well in the meantime for the last year I have been visiting my youngest granddaughter that is my son’s. His estranged wife is exactly the same as my oldest daughter. Narcissistic!! So I have been treading lightly, and bending to be up front and honest in my intentions toward seeing my granddaughter. I would travel 4hrs to see her and then travel it back home. Well my daughter got the brilliant idea or maybe the estranged daughter in law did, to meet up. Daughter to screw me and daughter in law to screw my son. Well my life is screwed. Because my daughter gaslighted, threw flying monkeys or whatever else she could do. Daughter in law believed whatever my daughter told her and now I am cut off from that grandchild also. So I have been cut off for the last month and didn’t even realize it until my son told my husband and my husband finally told me. I miss my grandchildren, but life has to go on. My oldest daughter’s children I could tell were told something, because if they see us at any distance they do not look or acknowledge my youngest daughter or me. I am keeping silent and not letting either one know it bothers me. I want to know, even though it hurts am I doing the right thing. I would love to let my grandchildren know I love them dearly. But I can’t. Exhausted.
I’m really confused

I’m really confused

I’ve been following your page and it has been enlightening me everytime. I’m bothered and I need your comment on this.

I am with a narcissist and yes, I don’t know if I am in a relationship with her or not, it’s very difficult to say. Every single time we would fight, she would make it appear like I am the narcississt. She tells me I am over sensitive, blames me for my reaction when I feel insulted, belittled or degraded. She never listens to me wheneve I try to explain my side to protect myself. In short, I cannot defend myself everytime we fight. Now, I’m really really confused, she’d tell me I manipulate things, turn around events, she tells me I’m the narcissist. I’ve been thinking about it for quite sometime, Am I really the narc or am I just being manipulated to make me feel that I am that when I’m not really one. Can you please help me. As I send this, she is currently not talking to me, not sending me messages not communicating with me because of a silly fight. She insultingly told me to shut up and leave me alone. I hope to hear from you.

Were you able to silence the doubts that you are good enough?

Were you able to silence the doubts that you are good enough?

Question for the community: once you were finally free from your narcissist, were you able to find and accept love from another person? Were you able to trust them and yourself?  Were you able to silence the doubts that you were good enough for them and lovable?  Any advice for someone who has been told how worthless and unwanted they are for over twenty years straight?