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I have totally destroyed my life because I’m a narcissist

I have totally destroyed my life because I’m a narcissist

Guys I’m reaching out to anyone because I have totally destroyed my life because I am a narcissist. I have had 2 failed engagements I have no friends and very little family. I cannot build any meaningful relationships or friendships because all I do is lie. I have lied and cheated my way through life and I have literally lost my soul mate. The woman who completed me. I’m reaching for help because I cannot trust myself in any way shape or form. The voice in my head is constantly telling me it’s all going to be ok and it’s ruining me. It’s ruining everything. I’m going to be alone on my 30th birthday and I have no one. It’s all my.fault and I have 2 options, either get help and realize I can’t do this alone, or I kill myself because I don’t want to hurt anyone, especially her, anymore. I’m trying as much as I can to be honest but even then, am I manipulating myself? Lying so much. I believe my own lies? Please, someone, anyone……help.

Am I being selfish?

Am I being selfish?

Just recently broke up with an emotionally abusive partner and I didn’t know it was a toxic relationship until it was over.

He has had a rough year, jobless and stressed most of the time. I was there for him through all of it.

A few months ago my aunt passed away. That was the exact day he decided to tell me he needed a break. He said I expected too much of him… After the funeral he ended things completely and said I was draining him.

Does needing someone to talk to make me a selfish person?

Do I keep my mother blocked?

Do I keep my mother blocked?

I was no contact with my narcissist mum for 7 months – last July through Jan 13 2018-  that was her 87th birthday. I missed holidays ,the traditional so called Christmas Eve and it was fine for me.

I saw people that I love and love me for holidays. So anyway my brother Joe called me and asked me why I was keeping away. I told him about the ongoing verbal and emotional abuse from her and I told him it was affecting my health so I was staying away. He’s presumably the golden child most of the time, he’s very wealthy. He wanted to talk about it, I did face to face but he convinced me to attend her 87th birthday. I did, she didn’t say anything at all to me. Just hello, no big deal. After that she started calling me maybe once a week or more. Easter came I attended dinner with my brothers and their families, she was present. It was ok.

Then this Mother’s Day 2018 I attended a dinner at another brother’s house, when I saw her I had a panic attack which lasted 3 hours. I called my therapist, he told me to leave the event, take a walk and go home for some meditation. I was fine after I left. I don’t know what happened, therapist thinks she triggered something and because I had let her back in to my life my guard was down and I had a reaction.

Now I have not seen her since May 13 2018. I talk to her once every 10 days by phone to just ask how she is. Pretty low contact I think.

One of my brothers had a cookout last Wednesday.  It was July 20 2018. I didn’t go.
She waited until July 29 to call me. I answered, she was ok at first then started verbally attacking me, calling me odd, crazy, not the same person , a variety of insults intended to demean my character. She even accused my husband and my best friend of turning me against my family! I stopped her there and said she was totally wrong, that I’m old enough to make my own decisions… anyway I tried to remain “grey rock.”

I know I should have hung up the phone but I didn’t. We eventually hung up not on bad terms. I blocked her from our home phone and cell.  I don’t know what else to do, I’m seeing my therapist on Tuesday.

My birthday is in a few weeks…I don’t know if I should remove the block on my phone?? I know that’s really stupid.. but I do need help.

I’ve been suffering for a week now… my therapist says it’s a culmination of every thing that she’s done and with this new trauma it pushed me over the edge… that’s my story..
Everyone in my family calls each other on birthdays… if I keep her blocked, she will disown me… I know it…it’s hard to be ready for that.

Did The Narcissist Manipulate The Assessor?

Did The Narcissist Manipulate The Assessor?

I’m wondering if anyone on here has gone through an ugly custody battle that required a section 211 report? Was the narc able to manipulate the assessor into believing all the abuse (well documented abuse, police, mcfd, eye witnesses) was not a cause for concern and stated the victim was in fact the person with a personality disorder. What was your end result???

She has no connection to us any more

She has no connection to us any more

I didn’t know a year ago when my daughter got married we would be literally giving her away to not be seen or talked to. She was a peacemaker, sweet, loving and trusting. Even in her teen years we never got a sore word. She’s now being that way to him. We don’t get answers to our calls and texts although occasionally if we do they’re ugly. They’re not from her. Has he taken her phone? Does she see our messages? Does she hate us and never want to talk to us again? Nothing bad ever happened. In fact he called me mom and joked and had fun with me. Then everything changed that day they got married. I feel like my daughter died but then I think it would be better if she had died. At least then we would have answers and know. It’s been a year since I lost my friend. I’m sad every day. I constantly think about her. We were close. I wake up in the morning feeling like I’ve been in a terrible accident and my pain medicine is wearing off. How do I live life normally again. And not be so sad? I’ve never been sad before. I’m a spiritual person. I pray a lot, I’ve been reading and educating myself, I talk to my husband and friends as much as I feel I can. I debate driving to see her but the books say no, she is an adult, just wait. I want to fight for my daughter. I know she’s being mentally abused but does she know it? She was close to her family. We are a very involved and close family. It’s been a year. She has no connection to us anymore and is completely alienated from everyone she ever knew. What can I do to help myself since there seems to be nothing I can do for her, I suppose?

How can I be a positive influence in her life when we’re not allowed in her life and any contact has been negative and seems to come from him?

They are not responding and she feels so unloved

They are not responding and she feels so unloved

Brief history… My ex and I split in 2012 (my choice). One child, a daughter who was 9 at the time. Horrendous legal battle ensued. He stole all assets and money (near $300,000). Never saw a cent. Has never paid child support. He had 6 lawyers, I barely could afford one as all our money was ‘gone’.  After 6 child psychologist/family assessors etc etc.. I was granted sole custody, at the recommendation of the last 2 psychologists, as a result of his behaviour toward both me and my daughter. The court (without us asking) also issued a restraining order so that he could not contact us in any way (breaches still occur)… he had 5 boys from 2 previous relationships, our daughter was my first and only.   I’ve always tried my best to allow the door to remain open when and if she wanted to reconnect with him or her brothers. ( she only likes 2, as 2 of the other ones used to verbally abuse her when she visited). So my dilemma is this… she is missing her brothers she likes (to note they are also 15-20 years older than her – they’re in their 30s).

She has tried to reach out to them via email, pinterest and instagram – and I am going to help her set up a FB account so she can. It’s breaking my heart because they are not responding to her and she feels so unloved by them… they are the only siblings she has, and irrespective of all the damage the ex (and the sons, yes, they were involved too) have caused, I am wanting to support my daughter where I can. What should I do? After her experience with the legal system and councillors – she will never talk to anyone again, she has no trust. I’m cautious with the brothers, knowing what I know (which my daughter is not privvy to). Im desperate, I dont know what to do. I would really appreciate any advice or suggestions at this point. Other than hugging her and telling her that my love for her is unconditional, Im at a loss.  Sorry for the super long post – this is only the tip of the iceberg. Thanks

She’s always telling them dreadful lies

She’s always telling them dreadful lies

I need some support. I tried to work with my Mothers NDP until I moved to China in 2014 (at 45).My son sided with her and I miss him terribly. He is now her carer (from 17 – now and he’s just turned 21). The extended family have never heard my take on things and she’s always telling them dreadful lies.  I’ve learned not to expect a civil response from any family member. I can’t write the abuse I’ve suffered. I have a successful life but I’m recovery recently from prolonged illness and mental health issues caused by years of gaslighting and abuse. The time living overseas was cut short by claims she was dying – she wasn’t, but I came back in 2016 and then she claimed I shouldn’t have come back. I’ve not lived within 2000km of her since 2015. But it’s hard. I have health problems and things get tough when I can’t work. I long for family support. Today I rang a member of the extended family (my mother’s brothers wife) – who I once had a great relationship with, to tell her I would be in her town in September. Whilst sort of polite, her disdain was obvious and she slammed down the phone in my ear. She has no idea what my life is like – the only voice is my mother’s. I was crushed. I’m really struggling and feel so alone. My last relationship was four years ago and he was NDP.  I’m capable of being totally alone – but I’m tired and have become regularly suicidal.  I love myself for the first time in years but I feel guilty for that. I ring her every few weeks only because I hope that having some relationship with her and trying might make my son contact me. He also gaslights. I just don’t want to feel so alone. I wanna know if I can love again, start again. If there’s hope.  Can you share this with members on my behalf? I need to hear stories of recovery (not matter how long it took)?

I don’t know where to start

I don’t know where to start

I need to get a divorce because of emotional abuse. I don’t have much income as I don’t have a job. My husband threatens me with withholding money etc. Doesn’t do much with the kids. I don’t even know where to start except that I need a lawyer. What do I do if he doesn’t agree to the divorce?  I have 2 small kids. I want to also move to a southern state. I am at a complete loss on what to do. I have no one to talk to about this.

How do victims move on?

How do victims move on?

I know from what I have read that the narcissist often ends up alone and that gives me comfort.  What I would like to know is how do victims of the narcissist get over abuse and move on?  I feel like I can never trust anyone again.  I spend most of my time on my own or with a few good friends but as for a relationship with anyone, I don’t think I’ll ever go there again.

How do I make her see that I’m sorry?

How do I make her see that I’m sorry?

My father is and always has been controlling and manipulative.  We have had our ups and downs over the years but I have kept him in my life because I don’t like to think that I’ve put up with all his bullshit for nothing.  (He’s got money and he knows it thinking he can buy people). He’s getting old now and bad as it sounds I hope he’s not around for much longer. I know that I copied his behaviour on occasions and I’m not proud about that but if I hadn’t gone along with his ostracising people, I too would have been given this sort of treatment.  I really liked one of his girlfriends who he discarded some years ago.  Unfortunately this was one of the times that I went along with his ghosting.  I’ve felt bad about it as she was always good to me.  I met her recently and tried to apologise for my part in this sick scenario but I was blanked.  She walked by me and acted like I wasn’t there.  I know some of you will say I deserved it but I had to go along with my father at the time.  How do I make her see that I’m sorry for the way he treated her and also for the part I played?

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