What do you tell your children?

What do you tell your children?

Hello, I have a question I’d love advice on from your readers.

For those who have children with their N, how & what did you tell your school-aged children about your divorce?  Typically, experts recommend telling the kids together with your spouse, but the NPD makes it difficult.  I worry about him having angry outbursts or lying to them about my role in all this.  I’d love nothing more than to say, “Daddy has decided he doesn’t love me anymore & wants to move away to another state.  He still loves you & you’ll still get to see him when he can make time for you.”

Is this ok, or will this be so inflammatory as to enrage him?  I had him barred from the house when I filed for divorce & the kids know something is up, but they don’t know what.  It’s been 3 weeks- 1st week he flew back to see them for 9 hours, 2nd week for 4 hours, & this week he isn’t coming back at all (his new supply’s separation became official & he’s helping her move out).  Next week he’s taking her on a tropical vacation to celebrate them.

2 thoughts on “What do you tell your children?

  1. There’s so much to consider:
    1. Nothing you do will ever be “right” for the N, so do what’s best for you and your kids
    2. Be as honest as you can because his new supply will wise up at some stage

  2. He’s already moved out. Your kids may not know exactly what’s going on, but they know more than you think.

    Seems like if he was at all interested in being a part of that conversation, it would likely have been prior to or during week one.

    I HAD to tell my kids without him (although he would have been furious if he’d known). The outbursts etc had escalated dramatically, I had to explain what was going on and that it wouldn’t continue. And that I had a plan, and for our own safety we had to keep it secret.

    Now that was a different scenario, but my point is that they already know lots. Despite our best efforts. And we do more harm than good if we don’t talk about the stuff that’s going on in their heads. Age-appropriate, of course.

    You’ll do the right thing. You know in your heart what to do. Take care of yourself too. They need you. I wish you much strength and courage.

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