Will he act right for the next woman he is with?

Will he act right for the next woman he is with?

Although I know it is said everywhere I have looked that Narcissists do not change and they will treat everyone they will ever be with the same, has anyone ever actually witnessed this happen after leaving the Narcissist for good? I’m just feeling very very low and having a hard time letting completely go from the fear that he will act right for the next woman he is with. I know it is highly unlikely but I think hearing confirmations of this from others that have been in the same situation would help me greatly. Thank you so much!

8 thoughts on “Will he act right for the next woman he is with?

  1. I struggled with this 4 two years. My ex has a young gf and my kids talk like they are so happy and he’s changed and wonderful with no fit throwing. I kept hearing he won’t change and at 1 point even questioned my God was it me. Nope, the fits are and have been happening, the kids just weren’t talking about b/c unfortunately it’s their norm and they don’t think anything of it. Just keep telling yourself it’s not you and move on. Does it matter anyhow? Your out and don’t have to deal with the bullshit anymore. Hang onto that and be happy. Something that helped me was thinking about what I’d be dealing with in the moment of doing something. It was such a sense of relief knowing I wasn’t having to deal with him right then and to enjoy the moment.

  2. They may have just learnt to hide it better. Because they know they need their narcissistic supply which depends on their public image. Nobody is going near them if their reputation is bad, and continues to be bad. Especially if they left you with obvious damages, people will learn to avoid them and think of it as their characteristic patterns if they go on to their next victim and repeat the same.

    The low functioning N do.

    However not the high functioning N.

    After psychologically damaging you so, the high functioning ones, like vampires, are usually so rejuvenated by their kill that they can hold themselves off from abusing their next victim so overtly for a prolonged period that people and even the victim himself/herself will, for a long time, not gather what’s going on.

    The high functioning ones also learn to vary their patterns of abuse from relationship to relationship so that their tracks are covered. They can use the current smooth going relationship to subtly indicate that YOU are the one with the problem. Also, pretending that they are all good and loving allow them to maintain and/or regain public trust lost from damages done to you. They, essentially, also get to reinvent themselves by varying the patterns of abuses.

    I have a real life experience. Driven almost to the brink of insanity, I finally left my ex. He went on, very quickly, to woo and years later, marry that GF right after me. In the public eye and on social media, he’s a great guy and perfect husband. Bringing her on frequent regular expensive overseas holidays etc. In her own words on social media, “thank you very much hubby for giving me the very best of what you have, and always thinking of me in everything!”

    But whatever looks rosy to the uninitiated and on social media, I know for a fact that he is still who he is. Because behind it all, he is still seeking revenge on me, lurking in the shadows, sending me messages to DEMAND for sexual favours and when that failed, telling me how much he missed me. All these, while ‘happily married’ and all these, while continuing to smear my reputation. N yes, we broke up 20 years ago, n yes, the last time he told me out of the blue that he missed me was like, 2 years ago???

    Changed man? No…

    When I tried to tell someone, even a trusted relative, the most I got was a half hearted, “Oh really? Maybe he is still trying to woo you back!” They did not understand, not at all.

    This year, I blocked him from all sources of contact with me. For good.

    You will heal, my darling….

    Peace and love…

  3. This was a big issue for me as well; how could they be nice to someone else when they were so awful to me. It really depressed me and was so difficult for me to wrap my head around it. When my ex started dating, my daughter talked about how nice he was, etc… My ex also informed me how much she had changed. Fast forward two months later, she has already ended that relationship and my daughter complains that she is doing the same behaviors…..my advice, who gives a “blank” if they change or not. The reality of it is that they treated you poorly and that should be the reason you do not want to be with them. I know it is difficult, but life is too short to put up with their BS.

  4. Narcissists do not ever change – if there is one thing I can tell you – they only get worse with age. She will be sucked into his world and won’t know what hit her. She will be the mother, lover, friend, etc but won’t realize until it is too late that she has be had and taken advantage of in every aspect of her life, all just to please him. Believe that he will never change – if it seems that she is being treated better it is because he has learned from the past on how to become more manipulative and put on a better mask. You are so luck to be away from that! Keep your head up and put the past in the past and don’t ever look back!

  5. I currently have the same fear as I am trying to break away or figure out how to stay away from my narc. It’s been 14 years and when I think back during my relationship with him and the relationships he had with other women, including his x wife….I think of the stories he told about them and how it was always their fault. Their true colors never show in the beginning and the love bomb stage may continue longer than it did with you but the true colors will come out, you need to believe and trust that it will. Also think about the fact that he probably knows this is bothering which should give you the ammo, even if you have to pretend…that it’s NOT bothering you. The garbage has been taken out, leave it there.

  6. The only predictor of future behavior is what? Past behavior. The Narc may have learned a thing or two being with you and can now further mimic “normality” for maybe a little while longer than he did with you but I promise you this…he will be exactly who he is! He will victimize and damage the next woman. I’ve only been free for 4 months…and I left him before he had a new supply…uh, oh…I caused a him a great injury! He has retaliated to such an extreme point that my children and I have relocated to a hotel, falling off the grid, until he finally starts telling himself that HE is the one who let me go and that HE is the one who deserves better and that HE is the one who tried the hardest. It is only a matter of time before HE is the victim. Fine by me!!! Like I said, I have had fleeting thoughts like “Did I put in 7 years of hell on earth…just for him to treat another woman better?” Or “If he acts kindly to another woman was it I who had the problem?”…what you are doing is processing the loss of what you HOPED he was. Sit down and write out all the instances where you felt helpless, hopeless, fearful, cautious, placating his moods, invisible, empty…and think on those things. I kept detailed journals of my experiences as I was enduring them!!! When I re-read them I am reminded that NONE of those feelings are associated with love. NONE of those events did anything but chip away at the very core of my being! And then I breathe…close my eyes…and imagine myself floating on a river. Leaves floating by me…the thoughts that he will ever be anything other than who he is passes by…and I allow it to. I do not pluck it from the waters to poison my mind any further. I let the waters rush it far away from me…and I allow myself to be free from it, again. Because it comes back around…but as time passes it is easier to let it pass…and it doesn’t pass as often.
    Have peace of mind that what he does with his next victim is not your concern. Your only concern is healing the damage he caused.
    Good luck. I know this is a very long and tortuous process but you are not alone! Surround yourself with happy, positive, helpful people! Anyone else, let go.

  7. No. Even if he starts out being kind and loving he WILL show his true self eventually. Just like he did with you. I remarried mine after seeing how much he had changed. What a joke..on me. His controlling, manipulative ways have left for good now. But the fact that I could be taken in, again, has made me think my ability to trust MY ability to choose wisely is really not okay.

  8. Do you remember when y’all dated? It was great right ? Even if that lasts for a couple to a few years it’s slowly going to break down and he is showing small bursts of the red flags. They can’t hide it for ever! And part of the good behavior especially in front of the kids is so it comes back to you that he has changed! They are not capable of that change – they just put the mask back on!

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