The female narcissist. Evil, devious, deceitful, calculating, insidious, insincere, sly…. The list goes on…

The female narcissist. Evil, devious, deceitful, calculating, insidious, insincere, sly…. The list goes on…

The Toxic Queen Bee

How many people do we meet who want to be the Queen Bee?  They are not happy until they have all the attention with all the worker bees buzzing around after them.  Sometimes they can be hard to spot.  They climb over the worker bees, if necessary, to get to where they want to be.  Young queens quickly seek out other queen rivals and kill them by stinging.  Ring any bells?  As many as 21 young virgin queens have been counted in a single large swarm.  They will fight to the death until only one remains.  Unlike the worker bees, the queen’s sting is not barbed and she can sting again and again without dying.  The queen bee is surrounded by worker bees who meet her every need.

Toxic Queen Bee
In life we see people who just want to be like that queen bee.  She doesn’t care who she stings on her mission to be queen.  She will lie, slander, manipulate and trample on anyone who dares to get in her way.  She has no compassion, no empathy and will not hold herself accountable for her destructive behaviour.

There will be plenty of worker bees swarming around to assist her on her mission.  These people have no backbone.  They have no integrity.  They have not got what it takes to stand up and say, ‘No.  This is not right.’  They are like sheep, running after each other.  Where one goes, they all go.

These controlling people need to be pulled up on their behaviour.  The worker bees need to stop buzzing around blindly because their working life is short.  What happens when the queen bee no longer needs you?  When they are of no further use, they die.  People need to stop being cowards and stand up for what is right and develop a mind of their own.  They need to stop turning a blind eye.  So many people are scared of being left on their own, being the only one who speaks out against injustice and wrongdoing.  Be prepared to stand alone, if that’s what it takes.

Written by Anne McCrea

Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse, Shattering the Illusion, now available on Amazon

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23 thoughts on “The female narcissist. Evil, devious, deceitful, calculating, insidious, insincere, sly…. The list goes on…

  1. I have lost two long friendships when I finally got a backbone. I was not mean – just honest . I would receive them back if they acknowledge faulty ways – but on new terms — mutual honesty and respect.

    1. And so it was with my Ex Friend from Hell… and there are a couple of others whom I’ve distanced. But if you were raised by a narcissomommy and had, say, one or more older sisters of like kind, it can be a long time before you realize that: a. This behavior is not what “everybody” does; and b. You neither provoked it nor deserved it.

      1. Thank for your comment. I realized this past year that my father was a narcissist. I thought he was only an alcoholic. Nope, but I know 1 sister is for sure, beginning to believe the 2nd sister is as well.. the brother is full out nuts.
        I didn’t realize how evil they are

      2. That is so true. I didn’t find out that my mother was a narcissist, of the textbook variety, until after she died, when I was talking about families to a medical friend, who said, ” oh yes, I have a brother who is a narcissist”. Not that it would have made much difference if I had found out before she died. She brainwashed me from when I was in the cradle and brought me up to fight her battles against my father. I have a older sister who I think is on the spectrum of autism, although that doesn’t explain her lifelong nastiness towards me. I eventually severed contact with her very soon after our mother died. I suppose I thought that it is possible that she is also a narcissist, as she, like our mother, is incapable of opening her mouth without criticising, whilst apparently never looking at her own behaviours. She is a very different personality from me, and a counsellor once told me that our mother would have tried to manipulate her in the same way that she did me, but without success.

  2. Chilling portrait of two narcissists by actors James Nessbit & Genevieve O’Reilly in ITVs ‘The Secret’ true crime drama. A woman who flirts with and sleeps with someone else’s partner, especially when betraying and hurting a friend, is equally as narcissistic as the man. They are partners in crime, emotionally abusing and, in this drama, physically harming those closest to them

  3. Just broke up with my narcissist girlfriend. ..I explained to her that she was abusive,emotionally unavailable that she no longer loved me ….if she ever did…to which she conceded. Only for her to insist we don’t break up because she was happy… ??????. Not ” I will explore why I’m emotionally detatched or any apology for the abusive way she treated me. I will never be sucked in by another narcissist …this was my first and last. Before her i never even new what a narcissist was.

    1. I’m with you Wayne. I gave my narc the boot a year ago. I am 57 and she was my first and last. I had no idea she was a psychopath/ narcissist and had never even heard the term before she told me that I was a narcissist and I was abusing her. That was the day I started to educate myself. I have now done more research on behavioral disorders than I care to even think about. Talk about a life change.The emotional abuse from her got to be to much and out the door she went for the last time.

      1. My X-Narc.. was charming and manipulative.. then he turn into a calculating, Narcopath, sociopathic, emotionally and verbally abusive.. controlling, insecure.. fearing I would figure it all out (out) the more I confronted his lies and deception.. the more often he raged at me.. I never heard the Narcisstic personality disorders until separation.. I’ve done my research, and it all clicked.. he was also stingy and a taker.. I’m an Empatheric person and giving, but I still can’t trust, and have not dated at all over 4 years! This is not what life was supposed to be at our age! I’m not the out-going person I once was! Sadly, not the way I want it, but isolation is safer in this era!! ☮️

    2. good for you Wayne. Mine never conceded to anything though. Everything was my fault. She took no responsibility for her abuse.

  4. I have a mother who has behaved this way all my life.. I am now 68 and she is 91 she is still the same way.. Thinks the whole world evolves around her. Well she is going into a nursing home. I am tired of all the abuse all of these years now there is no one but me left to take care of her. I am tired and Her living with me 24/7 would kill me so I finally grew a backbone ( took me way too long).. I am so happy I saw this article because I was feeling guilty and now I don’t anymore. Thank You!!!

  5. I lived with a female Narc, Let me tell ya , What a rough ride. She lies about everything even when caught. Lie about the little things. Always better than everyone, but would tell me that i think i’m better than everyone. Start fight out of nothing, blame me for it, would say that I sabatoage things and I do it to my self. said she had faked out time together, said she only calls to use me. I’v been to,jail over and over and over for doing nothing but being with her. Punnishment you see for something i said or something she must want or want to do and i’m in the way now. She has spent so much time grinding up my soul i’ve fprgot who and what i am. I am very alone little sleep, food ,always on edge . Wanting to be with a woman for years but don’t think that that’s going to happen. 10 years now . I have coustody of Daughter and i’ve paid for doing that < OH YA . Made my life a living hell. I havnt had any contact with her in na few month now , before she left my home last time i saw her , she said some of the meanest , hurtful painful, unforgiving things to me and stood there with that DAM SMIRK ON HER FACE ENJOYING HERSELF. I had done and helped her so much, she use to us this \place as her cab, makeup counter , food and other stuff shopping center . She never did love me , I loved her on a level that i did'nt know excistid. I have thought about ending my life so many times , THIS Crap in my head and the feeling that she left drags me down like a anchor. I'm depressed hyper viligent look at people and think there lying. I HATE THE NITE . Can.t stand the silence, get nerviness . made to feel useless worthless I'm the prob. No one want me, loves me anymore. This is first for me. I seen to always had a girlfriend. I had a wife once , She died. Was Shot and killed in our home after we divorced. The crime seen photos were very BAD. And i saw them all. Can't get that out ofmy head either. Shot 3 times in her head… I use to drive by where she dies and i could see 2 bullet holes in the home . The guy who did this is getting out of prison soon only got 20 years . He is coming back to my town. I think about doing his ass in. Some real nasty thought come in to this damaged head. Just want someone to know my story and this is just a drop of it. Someone to know that I;m not a bad guy, pissed off all the time. That i didn't hit or hurt my ex Ever. She would stand in my kitchen and start a fight with me and in just min start yelling DON'T PUT YOUR HANDS ON ME LOUD AS SHE CAN SO MY NEIGHBOR HEAR. Now i'm not in the kitchen I'm in the living room far from her. WTF?W well they did and started calling me a woman beater and how i had a broken family. I told that asshole I'll break you !!. I have no life , I'm ashamed that Ive not been with someone by now. Ashamed at what she has done. Ashamed is how she left me. Broken , busted and alone and i can't take it any more. I AM JUST A EMPTY SHELL IN A DUMPSTER .

    1. Don’t let this garbage of a human being do this to you. If you continue this way- she wins again and again. Get counseling. Speaking from experience people coming out of the relationships with narcissists suffer from PTSD. You are a classic example. Find a counselor that does EMDR. It works amaizing. Get your life back. You are the only one who can do it. She is NOT worth it.
      Good luck!!!

    2. Ken , you are not alone , we have all suffered by the hands of these beautiful monsters , but you can’t live in the past. It’s easy to say , but you can’t change your past but you can change your future . The first thing you should do is get completely away from the area you are in , a fresh start , your ex will never leave you alone ! , none of these do , you are supposed to stay broken , hurt and abused .

  6. Don’t let her ruin the rest of your life. Get counseling with EMDR. People suffer from PTSD coming out of relationships with NARCS. You are a classic story. Don’t let her win after she is gone. Work on getting better.

  7. The older daughter of my exN to a “T”. Devious, manipulative, cunning, void of any emotions other than what she can get from whomever she’s interacting with. She knew I could see through her and turned the proverbial screws to me with her “daddy”. Their relationship became pseudo sexual – disgusting. It sickens me to even think about it to this day.

  8. Well, I was love bombed, betrayed and trapped into a loveless marriage and with two kids. Typical of narcs, once the mask slipped, and she knew I discovered her lying, cheating and manipulating ways, she became even more evil and spiteful. Unbelievable, the carnage and loss that they can inflict, even onto their own children. I curse the day I ever met the lying narc bitch. Fucking ruined my life.

  9. Man, hearing everyone’s story it just seems like what happened to me is just an echo. I have lost friends and everything I worked hard for, I had to leave in the cover of darkness just so I knew I could leave. I was a shell of a man still am to be honest. I was drinking so much to deal with the isolation wrestling with the thoughts in my brain, am I the bad guy did I do wrong etc. We have a kid together and she tried to be civil but once I left it was like that was the last straw or something. I still feel like going back but I know if I do things will only get worse and maybe I will lose my life for real.

  10. This is exactly what happened to me with my sister in law. She completely had her husband cut ties with all the family. Things were so bad until they finally moved away. I pray that her children and her husband can survive her in tact emotionally. Lord bless those that cross her path.

  11. Having dealt with narcissistic individuals my entire life I’ve come to the realization that they instinctively seek out people who are filled with positive things since they do not have any positive things within themselves they are basically empty people. They are all about the outer exterior superficial therefore they have nothing as her substance they seek out the person who is filled with substance and they will suck the living health out of you

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