B.M. was as covert as a narc can be. He revealed no narcissistic traits for 5 years of courtship. As soon as we married, he became a living breathing cursing yelling abusive monster. When I told him that it wasn’t appropriate to talk to his wife that way, he told me it’s ok, we’re married. The marriage lasted 10 years, which is 10 years too long. It’s almost impossible to out these guys until they want to out themselves. Even caution in dating doesn’t work because they’re so skillful at hiding who they are. My advice … Never give a man the benefit of a doubt when you see narc behavior. Not even once.
Good point. I’ve heard that you can ask someone (like 1st date) “What would you like to improve about yourself? What are you working on about yourself?” & their response may flush out a narc. Who of course will be confused by the question or get angry. I plan to try it when I get brave enough to date again after 8 yrs with my 1st covert narc.
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