Discussion Board

Discussion Board

Some people are having difficulty with finding themselves alone and are tempted to return to someone who they are much better off without. What advice would you give?

13 thoughts on “Discussion Board

  1. Being alone and learning to do things on my own, paying bills, car repairs, ect, was hard in the beginning. With practice, I’ve learned I CAN DO IT. I have found new friends that are far better people than the friends I was ALLOWED to associate with, when I was with my NX. It does take time to rebuild a new life but, well worth it! It has taken me 7 months to realize I’m far better off without him. I wouldn’t give up any of my healing just to go back and be destroyed again.

  2. OMG the pain is part of the journey to wellness. Being alone is your time for growth and self reflection. It’s not meant to be easy. It’s a time of grief. Why on earth would you delude yourself that returning to the person who ABUSED you would ever HEAL you. Ride it out. Get involved OUTSIDE of yourself. Do volunteer work. Develop interests. Develop your SELF. This is a temporary right of passage in the journey away from narcissistic abuse.

  3. You are in there somewhere the original you before they played their tricks on you… this alone time is to find yourself again. Knowledge is the best way read as much as you can about them, how they manipulated you , controlled you and basically stripped you bare of you… none of it was your fault that’s the first lesson second lesson is you will be better off without all their drama and meaness. Once you have come to terms with what’s happened you will be able to move on xxx take your time and love you xx

      1. I needed this..im alone now..6 months in to recovery..i lost my whole family due to a narc But I also realized my sister is one also..No loss there ..It’s definitely hard to find yourself To love yourself to feel worthy May God-bless us each and every one of us that’s going through this right now I guess he already has since we’re not in the relationship with the one that destroyed us

  4. I’m torn. I’ve been testing the waters for the last year and I have to make such a hard decision. I have always been with a narsist. I was raised by one who I recently realized pushed her opinion of others onto me among other things. I was never allowed to have a relationship with someone she didn’t like. When I finally stood up to her, I was banned from the family.
    When I was 21, and in a bad place in my life, my now husband showed up and “saved me”. His manipulation and drug addiction cost me stability for my kids and I among many other things. When we separated, I was devastated and couldn’t function. Then after a year off of drugs, he asked for me to come back. At that point I was doing great things and on a life high. I said yes but I communicated my boundaries of what I would not tolerate.
    Over the last year of working on things, he’s about to move in with me. When things are good, they’re too good. He has been extremely needy for attention. It’s exhausting. If I say something I’m a POS. But he just broke almost all of my boundaries and somehow it’s my fault and I deserved it. He never sticks to what he promises. He left the house bc I wouldn’t fight back when he was screaming in my face awful things.
    Now he says it’s my choice to fix it bc of course it was all my fault. Idk what to do. If I don’t take him back, I lose my best friend (not sure why he’s my best friend at this point). If I do take him back, I lose myself and my kids trust. This should be a no brainer. I should just let him go. But I’m feeling the same way I did before. I had a nervous breakdown before. I don’t want to go through that again. I’m kicking myself in the butt for going back to him. NA doesn’t cure being an a**hole.

    1. You KNOW the answer here. He’s already showing you what lies ahead, and it’s going to get much, much worse. WTH are you doing to yourself? He was screaming in your face???? You’re deluding yourself that anything – ANY THING – could EVER be different that what it was before, and it will be ten times worse this time. Your poor children.

  5. Being alone is hard but also wonderful!! I don’t have to have permission to do ANYTHING! Heal yourself, reflect on what you have been through. Allow yourself to finally feel the emotions you have been told not to feel. I am flooded some days with tears but they are healing. I would NEVER go back. I will never be abused again!!!

  6. It only took me 7 months to know that things were becoming untenable. I had moved in with her and her daughter because I wanted to get to know her and see if things would work out. Soon the mask began to slip. I left after she accused me of threatening her(which was a lie) but I didn’t feel like getting arrested for nothing. I had already started seeing a councillor and continue to do so. I went no contact for 3 weeks and was feeling much better. However I went back to get some of my things and we began to talk . I had done alot of self diagnosis and realized that I was to blame for more of our problems than I thought. I told her I was sorry for what I realized I had been doing and wanted to try to work things out. She said she wasn’t sure, and had been dating other people including her best friend. However she slept with me the next day and I was happy again and hopeful things would get better. I was wrong! I talked to her ex and found out she had been lying and cheating the whole time. She never would admit to anything she did and is a pathological liar. I realize she is a Narc and has BPD. If there was ANY chance she could be helped, or a chance for change I would do all I could because I loved her so much! Alas, only a willingness to see the error of her ways and intense behavioral therapy can help. I have to accept she is gone and that she never really loved me at all, and that a hard thing to swallow and accept. But i have to consider myself lucky that I didn’t spend years of my life on her. we had been friends for many years prior and I am sad to lose my friend as well as the woman I had been thinking of marrying.

  7. Just stay away. Some days I die inside because I left and I miss him. Some days I die inside because I think of the 10 years I spent with him being abused. Some days, I see a sliver of light that leads me to feel hopeful. “Just stay away.” I tell myself. “The door will swing open wider and there will be more light. Be patient with life.” I’m waiting.

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