Not allowing them to live with me is not an option

Not allowing them to live with me is not an option

Can I have an anonymous question posted please?  It’s a two part question.  First of all, can a person who has done recovery work successfully coexist with a narcissist peaceably?  Secondly, any advice for someone who is having a narcissist parent coming to live with them (not allowing them to come live with me is not an option)?  Thank you.

2 thoughts on “Not allowing them to live with me is not an option

  1. Recovery is a on-going process. Perhaps for the length of time you must have a narc parent living with you, you would benefit from at least two meetings support per week – codependents anonymous would be one helpful meeting. There are others, I’m sure. I, too, have done recovery work – trauma rehab for 30 days, 5 years of codependents anonymous. I don’t doubt this is a challenging time for you, but I think if you keep your boundaries in place, DO NOT allow yourself to slip into the “child” place from which you were injured, and remember that your parent IS NOT GOING TO MAGICALLY LOVE YOU AS YOU DESERVE TO BE LOVED, you may be able to pull this off. Best wishes, and remember, YOU ARE OKAY JUST AS YOU ARE!

  2. I agree with having some support in place before the parent arrives. You also need to establish clear and firm boundaries right for the start, and don’t budge. You don’t have to tell the parent that they’re there, just know in your own mind how you will handle a given situation.

    The best advice I can give is don’t react. Don’t let the jabs, passive-aggresssive comments, or other manipulation techniques get to you. Keep calm and cool, don’t get drawn into gossip or arguments, and if need be, simply walk away from a conversation. Sadly, this also means not getting caught up in the “nice” act. Narcs are very good at using charm and generosity to pull you in and fool you into thinking they’ve changed, or have some redeeming qualities – but remember nothing comes without a price tag. Favours are not done through kindness, but as currency.

    I’m now on low-contact with my mother as she is living in a retirement home after living with me for 15+ years, and this is the technique I use when visiting her. She still tries to push buttons with me (she is very much a covert narcissist) but over time this has decreased quite a bit as I refuse to react and simply stay pleasant and neutral at all times.

    You can do this! Best wishes and good luck!

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