Narcissism / Mobbing in the Workplace

Narcissism / Mobbing in the Workplace

Narcissists don’t think that normal rules of decency and morality apply to them. They have no qualms in intimidating and harassing their employees or co-workers and making their lives miserable.  Taking credit for another’s work, blaming others for their own mistakes, outbursts of rage, jealousy when other workers are better or smarter than they are themselves, are all commonplace.

Narcissists pretend well.  They often appear to be charming and considerate but it’s the covert put downs and subtle digs that often go unnoticed by many.

If a narcissist is in a job that they cannot do very well, they will resent their co-workers who can do the job so much better and these feelings of ‘someone being able to do the job better,’ will give the narcissist a valid reason to target them.

The person being bullied may feel intimidated, offended and unjustifiably criticized. The workplace bully abuses their co-workers motivated by their own insecurities and selfishness. Their desire to succeed is foremost in their minds. In order to achieve their goal they will trample on anyone who they see as competition. Bullying in the workplace can take many different forms such as:

  • Discrediting someone’s reputation with lies and gossip.
  • Sabotaging a colleague’s work.
  • Isolation / ostracism.
  • Refusing to answer their telephone calls or emails.
  • Being regularly undermined.
  • Failure to provide the necessary information, equipment, tools for the task in hand.
  • Withholding important information such as deadlines, meetings and social gatherings.
  • Threats of job loss.
  • Being rude and talking down to colleagues.
  • Stealing and then accusing others of the theft.
  • Having your right to training or promotion denied.
  • Verbal abuse.
  • Unfair treatment.
  • Reacts to criticism with denial and blame shifting.
  • Moves on to a new target once their present target has left.

Mobbing is an insidious form of psychological abuse committed by a group of people and has devastating consequences. Studies have proven that people in a group will behave in a manner that they would never do alone. Normal common decency is cast aside and someone who was once a valued member of a group, is shunned and ostracised. The person is excluded from work meetings, social events and their very presence is not recognised. They are often falsely accused of wrongdoings and find themselves the subject of gossip and slander. People find themselves being attacked by their co-workers, superiors and subordinates. Over a period of time, possibly weeks or months, this form of abuse will chip away at someone’s dignity and their self-respect. We have to remember that human nature dictates that we have an inherent need to belong. Although the scars left by this particular form of abuse are not visible, they are long lasting and more painful than physical wounds. Long term ostracism often results in alienation, low self-esteem, depression and physical illness. Shunning is an act of aggression which can have deadly consequences on the target. There will be those in the workplace setting who may not take an active role in bullying a target but they cannot shirk responsibility for their inaction. Their failure to take a stand, their lack of integrity and their inaction has enabled the abuse to continue. The longer their behaviour continues, the harder it is to bring it to an end. Suggestions for those who are being bullied or harassed:

If the problems cannot be sorted out informally talk to…

  1. Management
  2. Human Resources (HR) department
  3. Trade union representative

If harassment continues most countries provide legal action through employment tribunals. It is not advisable to turn to your abusers for their approval. Choose to be in the company of people with morals and integrity, people who have whatever it takes to stand up against the crowd, to stand up for honesty and human decency. Abuse is often directed at one specific target and may go unnoticed by management and colleagues. In some cases, management may be at the helm of the abuse in an effort to force the target to resign.

When things go wrong, don’t expect the narcissist to accept the blame.  It’s not going to happen.  It’s got to be someone else’s fault.  You may think because you are efficient at your job and have great results, that the narcissistic boss will be thankful.  They won’t.  It’s a reflection on them, you work for them and they trained you to do the job.  Your outstanding contribution will all be down to them so don’t waste your time trying to convince them otherwise.

Don’t be fooled into becoming ‘friends’ with the narcissistic boss or co-worker. Their view on friendship is totally different from a normal person’s understanding of what friendship really is.  If they are being friendly, it is because they want something from you.  If you are of no use to them, they don’t want your friendship.  Don’t go down that route.

The narcissist boss will obtain narcissistic supply by denying their workers their entitlements. Don’t expect them to abide by rules or regulations. Normal rules and regulations don’t apply to them. A good boss will have respect for their workers and should quickly notice if there is someone been bullied in the workplace.

Possible signs of bullying may include:

  • A drop in the standard of an employee’s work for no obvious reason.
  • Long term sick leave due to stress.
  • Employee seeking early retirement.
  • Succession of people leaving employment unexpectedly.

Some employers will not acknowledge that there is a problem in the workforce and fail to address it as they should, and may even try to conceal it. They should note that a happy workforce is a productive one and that failing to address bullying may have a profound effect on the business as a whole.

There’s a big difference between a firm hand and an iron fist. Employees can be motivated by being valued and encouraged rather than through fear. This is what separates the good boss from the bad.

Written by Anne McCrea

Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse, Shattering the Illusion, now available on Amazon

Amazon UK

Amazon US

5 thoughts on “Narcissism / Mobbing in the Workplace

  1. This is soul destroying, I have been a victim of this on two fronts so have not really had a safe haven to go home to either. But having said that HR sit with a problem because a narcissist will feed on attention whether good or bad so a person in authority will be valued more than a very good employee that knows his job and is a high producer. One of the biggest issues is if you are humble and look after the top line in my case caring for the patient and my fellow health care professionals the bottom line generally looks after itself, but if you work for a narcissist this will never be good enough because it takes away the limelight they feed on.

    1. This fits my boss to a tee… The scariest part for me was the manipulation and brain games I couldn’t get away from. He was in my head before I knew what was happening. I’m not a quitter and wasn’t going to let him win. At first I tried to please him. I wanted to win his trust and respect through my abilities and performance at work. The more I shined in the company, the harder it became for me. He was out to get me. I followed all the rules. I reported HR, etc. when things got out of control and I knew I needed help. Eventually I became ill, heart palpations, shortness of breath, couldn’t sleep, panic attacks, nausea . I was sick being at work and terrified what he was conjuring up against me when I away. That was in Feb. It’s been months of healing with multiple trips to my doctor(s) and therapy I’m slowly starting to get my life back. Still, I’m truly fearful of getting back out there. I’m not weak or shy. I’ve always been successful in my career. I’ve never been fired or reprimanded and always promoted quickly before this position. I’m confident in what I do but I’m not ready to deal with another Narcissist. 8 months later ~ he’s still in my head.

  2. It doesn’t make any difference if you talk to HR or another boss etc. especially when it in the public sector. This happened to me and when I put in a grievance against the manager, he lied about everything and because other managers had put him in that position they backed him instead of me even though they had backed me previously. I have now been without a job for 3 years, have paid out loads of money on psych appointments all because of that one narcissistic boss. The problem was that I was the only one who he felt threatened by so everyone decided it was me that was the problem. He didn’t respect my skills and gave me little work at me level. I ended up being an administrator instead of a Business Analyst. He gave others in the team the work I should have been doing.

  3. I went to part time work for the wrong department. All was okay as long as queen bee had someone to fill in for her while baby was little. Things changed drastically when he got a few years older. I did the best I could and used sports to relieve the stress. The problem has not stopped after being gone nearly 20 years. I continue to be stalked and maligned in my sports groups. Then a worse narcissist female came along and joined in. I can only try to avoid and not be afraid of them. Anyone who asks for their dirty deeds help gets snared and has to do dirty deeds for them or suffer severe consequences. There isn’t a lock made that stops these people. They don’t vandalize but install listening devices, cameras, tracking to cars and phones. There is no relief. Photoshop is their friend for making smutty photos and videos to show around. Add that to years of infidelity by a marriage partner. Just surviving the day with all of this in the background is tough.

  4. When will laws be put in place to stop their workplace insidious psychological violence? Until that happens nothing and the perpetraters and their puppets think that they will take a hit somewhere legally and financially nothing will change. They do because they want to and think they can. More public awareness is needed. If you ever witnessed this, you understand how easy it was for Hiltler to manipulate his obedient little flying monkeys. Most people are easily turned into stooges.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

Privacy Preference Center