My ex belittles our daughter
Hi I would like to remain anonymous but wanted to talk about how my ex who is an N 100% has tormented our daughter over her weight. He has belittled her and often when he finds her eating food will go into a rant about how unfit she is. She has a thyroid issue although not on medication as it’s borderline at this stage. She is only 12 and his family also are weight shamers, anyone who is slightly overweight is always made fun of, including their granddaughter!
This week, I got a call from her school saying she had attempted to induce vomiting and today she came home with self harm cuts on her arm.
I am beside myself with grief and worry, I told him how his constant put downs are causing her to become so distressed but he said ‘it’s not the words’ it’s her weight she has a problem with. Completely dismissing that he may be causing her to feel this way.
We are now going to counselling with the school as of tomorrow.
4 thoughts on “My ex belittles our daughter”
As a suggestion, sure you would wish to keep in contact with relatives but maybe have a little break to see how your daughter responds. I would say to them that their weight put downs are effecting her & needs a break. If they can’t realise what damage they are doing to her emotionally, they are jeopardizing any future relationship.
I know how she feels as was anorexic as a teenager due to bullying. Only a young kid & doesn’t need to be jaded about weight.
My ex did the same to my then 12 year old. She was chubby And loved food. He shamed her and called her obese. He got a scale and made her get on it each week. He insulted her and Name called about anything. Lazy, fat, whatever. She was a mess and began dieting. She became anorexic and ended up in ICU. That’s when I learned she was cutting on her hips. She was depressed and looked like death and wanted death. It took us over 3 years to get her out of her mental prison enough to begin to smile again she despises her father. Please realize this is grave. It’s very damaging to their self image. It’s deadly to their body. You must get her the proper help. Or if you plan to leave him do it before the damage it too great.
Thank you for your comments, I have left him, but it’s like he uses the children to get at me. He has deep seeded issues from his childhood but makes no effort to not repeat the same harmful and toxic behaviour on his children. I know very well how this is affecting my daughter, I am doing everything in my power to get her help now before it’s too late. She has gone from a bubbly and happy girl to someone who is deeply wounded. The rest of his family are major contributors to her feelings of self loathing, her grandmother would sneakily grab her belly and shake it and tell her how ‘fat’ she is. She would do the same to me while I was pregnant! She would tell me how horribly fat I was, when in fact I was of normal weight and pregnant. I will not be sending my daughter anywhere near these toxic, cruel people anymore.
My heart goes out to you and your daughter. My husband and I have been dealing with his narcissistic ex for over 15 years. I have finally realized there is no reasoning with her, she continues to be crazy and emotionally abuse his daughter. About once or twice a year she literally those her daughter out of the house and we take her in. We build up her self-esteem, but they are so emeshed and the mother can’t stand not having control for very long, so she starts making lavish promises and hoovering so that her daughter always goes running back to her. My stepdaughter has just turned 18, not yet a legal adult, but the abuse continues. We feel helpless most of the time. However, the next time she gets thrown out we have decided not to rescue my step-daughter, which will be difficult for my husband, because ultimately she is the victim, however, we both know she can’t follow rules at our home and never helps out. I feel sad about the whole situation, because if she would have lived with us she would have been loved (she was when she did live with us), she would know boundaries and she would have a healthy self-esteem.
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