I’m trying to remind myself that I’ve done the right thing

I’m trying to remind myself that I’ve done the right thing

I am wondering if anyone can lend me their advice in regards to narcissism and emotional abuse? I broke up with my ex in January (same sex female relationship), and am trying to remind myself that I have done the right thing. I have provided a summary below of comments I am receiving from my ex and would appreciate your those who feel they have been in this situation before, your thoughts? It is very summarized because my story itself was 10 pages long. Thank you for taking time out of your day to read this:
  • She has rang me a lot, once it was 85 times in 1 hour
  • “I know what is best for you”
  • “You know that if you see me you’ll feel better”
  • “You know that I am the only one you should be talking to”
  • “I know that I can give you everything”
  • “I wouldn’t be still here if I didn’t believe I could be the person you need”
  • “I’m not a sick individual that wants you back so I can hurt you again”
  • Told me she went to a psychologist 9 times, she went once (I do believe she is seeing one now)
  • “I am in love with you and no one else”
  • “Surely if my daughter meant anything you would give me another chance”
  • Tells me to send all the stuff back to her that she had at my house, but then gets angry when I do
  • I ask a question and the story doesn’t add up
  • I ask a question and she answers in a long winded way that isn’t even related to the original question
  • Blames so many different things and people for her behaviour
  • Told me I am emotionally abusive
  • “Don’t dwell on shit and overthink things”
  • “Keeps calling herself a worthless piece of shit”
  • Threatened suicide (I say I am calling her family and she retracts)
  • “I thought you would focus on the future if I was worth it”
  • “I’m sorry you feel like I pushed you away”
  • “I’m sorry you read things the wrong way”
  • “Even my friends say I should let you go and I’ll find someone else”
  • She had a go at me for having dinner with a friend every Monday
  • Started applying for houses in my home town despite me asking her not to
  • Kept saying how she wanted her daughter to grow up near me even if we weren’t together
  • Says hurtful things to me and then says “I just want to now be honest” e.g., my sister says I shouldn’t have you in my life
  • “I don’t remember saying that
  • “There was two sets of rules, I had to tell her who had messaged me or what friend I was visiting, but she would just say “just had a friend over”
  • “I know what you need. I know you better than anyone”
  • “I am disowning my family because you are my family”
  • Yells at me
  • Talks over the top of me
  • Sends me this massive apology about wanting me to be happy even if it is without her…..is it another tactic!?
  • Talks about her achievements flat out and how good she is
  • We were talking about interview techniques and she goes “I am great at interviews because you just have to teach the panel about yourself and I am a great teacher”
  • Tells me how to do my job sometimes
And the list goes on…

5 thoughts on “I’m trying to remind myself that I’ve done the right thing

  1. Wow! So many of those points are triggers for me and remind me why I left my husband 7 years ago and went no contact with my parents a bit over 10 years ago. I went back to my parents several times (ie let them back in) but it was a disaster each time. They lured me in with ‘it will be different’ ‘I’ve changed’ “I understand why you were upset” but instantly morphed into “aren’t you glad you stopped being so silly because there was nothing wrong with me, you just took it all the wrong way”.
    Now, whenever I am tempted to go back, I come to this page and my written list of some of their worst transgressions, for which they were never sorry and never saw as emotionally / morally bankrupt. It always helps me to hold my resolve. I hope it works for you. Good luck

    1. Thank you so much for taking time out to respond to this. It means more than you know.
      I think sometimes I need a little reassurance that I’m not being too sensitive & that I’ve done the right thing. Only a couple of days ago she was saying “if you ever loved me like you said you did and had unconditional love like I do you, then you would give me a chance. But you wouldn’t do everything for us so that’s fine. Enjoy your life”. Like honestly!!! I break up because of all these things and now she is blaming the fact I won’t give her another chance!! I honestly struggle with her saying that because she makes me feel as though I’m the bad one!
      Thank you so much again for listening.

  2. Wow, I’m hoping you will IMMEDIATELY pick up a copy of “Psychopath Free” and read it from cover to cover before you go to bed. I don’t mean to be abrupt, but please: NO CONTACT. Block her on every single means of reaching you. If she persists, get a restraining order. This woman is very, very sick, abusive and delusional. She will go flipping NUTS when you really put an end to her ability to attempt to manipulate and control you. Expect a smear campaign, expect craziness. You’ve already got it – get the hell away from it. NO CONTACT is the ONLY way to heal from this abuse. Classic narcissistic comments, but I suspect there’s more than “just” narcissism here. Please be safe.

    1. Thank you so much for taking time out to respond to this. It means more than you know.
      I think sometimes I need a little reassurance that I’m not being too sensitive & that I’ve done the right thing. Only a couple of days ago she was saying “if you ever loved me like you said you did and had unconditional love like I do you, then you would give me a chance. But you wouldn’t do everything for us so that’s fine. Enjoy your life”. Like honestly!!! I break up because of all these things and now she is blaming the fact I won’t give her another chance!! I honestly struggle with her saying that because she makes me feel as though I’m the bad one!
      Thank you so much again for listening.

  3. I ask my self the same question. But deep down I know the answer is yes. So if your gut knows, it may take a little time for the brain to catch up.

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