I’m really having a hard time with this

I’m really having a hard time with this

I’m so grateful to have come across this page and articles on narcissism for reasons that my life changed drastically in a matter of a few months. My old time flame from my youth turned up after 33 years only to find myself realizing that I had always been in love with a man that wasn’t what I thought he was. Quite frankly, it’s devastating. I’ve been trying to deal with this situation and been doing so alone because my feelings seem to be where at times slip from my grips. May 22, 2017 we had a nasty fallout – horrible incident where I ended up going to his home emotionally and psychologically exhausted to confront him in front of his partner that he never told me about in the beginning which he told me he was single and it wasn’t until after 2 mouths that he finally broke the ice and told me about the woman he had been living with; he said he’d be taking me to his house to meet his children later on because his daughter and son were having problems and it wasn’t a good time to meet them so, I patiently waited to be introduced. What I was introduced to was nothing but deceptive lies and manipulation etc. –  a bunch of drama. Finally in May I went to confront them both and i did it to see if he would man up and admit to us both what he had been doing to us both, playing with our feelings and manipulating us, well, he pinked out and instead, didn’t answer the door and called the police on me and had me escorted off the premises. We haven’t had contact since until the beginning of August and he started dropping emails. Because I’ve grown not to trust him and aware that he is capable of bringing me harm, I responded. He asked for my new phone number, I rejected the call for the call showed as private caller, he email again and sounded jealous because he saw me in company of a male friend and I made it clear to him that it was just a friend however, seems as though his agenda is something of a vindictive agenda. The whole time he’s been asking for forgiveness and finally, i gave him the opportunity to talk and he decided to play games by sending an early good morning message, an ok for answer , to nothing else. In the past, he had hijacked my emails which I deactivated because he was monitoring me through spyware I had no idea he was doing and I finally discovered this.

I’m really having a hard time with this. I don’t want to resort to a crisis stabilization treatment facility because I just left one. Professionals will recommend psychotropic medications and no real support system. DV recommendations are to resort to restraining orders and this can only stress me more and may complicate this situation. Dealing with these individuals is something I learn that is to be taken very serious.

Reasons I responded to him is because, he knows my whereabouts, I live alone and have no family or close friends where I live. I don’t have other options @ present and financially, I’m limited.

I don’t understand what is he trying to gain trying to get to me after all the damage he caused and walked away as if nothing happened and left me like dried up road kill???

I’d be so grateful if someone would please, get back to me on this and give share some insight.

2 thoughts on “I’m really having a hard time with this

  1. I’m sorry you’re hurting so badly. Through your words you sound devastated. And rightly so. I think the most important thing at this point is seeking professional help. No one wants to but those of us who are wise know when we need to get help. No one is worth losing our sanity over.
    When we are lied to and deceived it hurts. It knocks the ground out from under our feet. Nothing feels stable and it makes us question everything. You will get through this. You’ll be stronger and a little wiser too. God bless your every step.

    1. So difficult but don’t respond to his contact. He’s looking to restart this drama. These bullies love to see the hurt in your eyes. Try to find something where you can get out around people at the gym, volunteer, church. Shopping without buying. Low risk chatting really helps.

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