13 thoughts on “Discussion Board

  1. I would get an hr to go grocery shopping or an hr to go do laundry. If I didn’t make it back in an hour, even 5 min late, the house would be wrecked. Everything would be smashed and destroyed. Then he would say, go clean the mess you made me make. Finally out after 4 kids and 9 yrs and never looked back.

  2. So I have been having a hard time coming to terms with what happened last year, I was dating a girl we were engaged and well even before we our daughter was born I felt like I was giving up a lot of myself for this relationship i.e I couldn’t practice guitar, I couldn’t song or have my brother or friends over to stay the night or hang out and well long story short I just had the feeling I had to leave and that’s when everything in my life changed everybody I knew kept hinting I was a piece of shit alcoholic who cared more about booze than his family. While I was still living in that city I was mostly by myself either feeling shamed, guilty or silenced about what I went through because she told everyone I was the abuser, for awhile I felt like one so I played ball. My question is something I probably already know but I am just scared of what it is; was I a victim of narcissistic abuse ?

  3. Here’s a classic example about emails that I sent him some months before (these are actual quotes from him in an email he sent me):
    ” i so rarely use email anymore for anyone, which i have told you…”
    “If you told me those emails were there, and I forgot, try to understand that when one is triggered, once compassion fatigue [his compassion for me, b/c he insisted I was so messed up] was setting in, what seems like indifference to you on my part is really something deeper… and it just made me numb. so if you did tell me, this is why i forgot. and if you didn’t, then good god, why in the hell did you not tell me?”

    So, he didn’t bother to read my emails (which I should have known he wouldn’t), and if I did ask him to read them, he forgot b/c of something I did, and if I didn’t tell him, “why the hell not”?

    Going on 9 months and six days of NC. He’s still out to get me, according to mutual friends, bad mouthing me all over our tiny town. That’s ok: even my worst days without him (which haven’t been so bad, actually) are 100 times better than my best day with him.

  4. I have so many examples of this. Almost everything I’ve ever accused her of, with proof, she would find a way to turn it around back on me. It was always my fault she was angry. I remember an incident where we had a birthday party to attend at our neighbors house across the street. She decided that it was time to have an argument about some incident in the past (I honestly can’t even remember what it was about). I explained that I would discuss it with her, but it would have to be later since we have this birthday party to go to and we shouldn’t be discussing these matters in front of our 3 young children. Instead of agreeing, she threw a fit and I took our three children across the street to the birthday party. Instantly, I began receiving text messages stating that I need to come back home and talk “or else”. Things like, “you’re not going to like what I’ve done”, “since you won’t come and speak to me, I had to do this.” Eventually, I gave in and asked the neighbor to watch the children so I could go find out what she did. Turns out, she used a hammer to put numerous holes in the wall… Once I entered, she started screaming at me that it was my fault and she doesn’t know how to control herself, etc. She then proceeded to continue to put holes in the wall in front of me. I instantly walked out and contacted the police. To shorten the story, they made her go get a psych evaluation, and of course nothing came of it because she turned on her charm and acted like nothing happened. I even spoke with the doctor and explained what happened, but he still released her. She convinced him that she just did it out of anger towards me and everything was my fault. Awesome sauce! Now we’re divorced and have shared custody of our children. It’s been a battle, and still is today, but I am doing the best I can!

  5. I spent 7 years in a relationship were I was constantly accused/insulted and verbally abused and drained to the point of walking on eggshells. I was a bubbly outgoing woman who has been erased to a shadow of herself! The love bombing had me hooked.. as always is the case it seems! … but as time went on the patterns emerge and you start to look up stuff that I had never heard of before! Covert narcissistic traits had me nodding away to everything that was listed!
    All of a sudden it was turned around to me , and thus I was the ‘ crazy’ one! .. the one who has issues.. and so began the discard. It crushes you..

    1. Thanks for sharing Dee. Your information helped me put a label on my ex narc. Your story and mine sound very similar! Stay strong and keep healing!

    2. I had been in a friendship, that was twisted into what you are talking about. I was verbally, emotionally, mentally abused and physically threatened by this person. Nothing was good enough. She now denies we were ever close. She has taken the law as a way of covering her ways. She is trying to destroy my reputation. I was looking for that forever friend, that person I could always count on. I was filled with all of these words. I became confused, anxious, and tried to expose her ways. She could see this. She’s retaliated. She’s lying to mutual friends. Accusing me of theft. The screaming, the tantrums, the fake I love yous, the deceit of not really caring about me. I can’t even begin to express the pain, the damage, I don’t know how to heal. I feel alone and scared. People don’t understand or want to understand.

  6. He was always outting me down, the first few months of our marriage I cried alot. Tjen I got angry and let loose on him a few times, which Im not proud of. So now he says the things I said to him in anger have ruined our marriage.

    1. This is definitely what I experienced. In the first few years of marriage in desperation to be heard and affirmed, I raged at him thinking it would make him feel for my pain or at least wake him up to reality. Years later he brings that up at every turn to blame everything on me. He now says the entire failed marriage is my fault despite specific evidences of his controlling and lying. He blames his lack of relationship with our children due to my “lack of respect” for him in front of them.

  7. Oh yes! When I escaped him, he told everyone I ran off with a woman and had also been saying I was violent. I left because of his domestic abuse. :-/
    A lot of people still believe him. I’m just glad to be free of his drama, except for court visits that is…

  8. At 27 I am coming to the realization that I have been a victim of this kind of emotional abuse my entire life. Intimidated into keeping my mouth shut, yelled at if I didn’t agree with something he was saying or doing. The list goes on and on.

    And now, at this point in time, I find myself at the center of a legal battle because I put a business in my name to help him out. And am now finding out all the criminal acts he has committed under my name. I made the personal decision over a month ago to cut off all contact from him and the kicker? I’m the traitor. I’m the horrible person because I made that choice. He has not one ounce of remorse for what he’s done to his own daughter, his own flesh and blood. But if you ask him, he didn’t do anything wrong. He never does. It’s always everyone else’s fault. He is delusional enough to believe that he has done nothing wrong.

    And there is no reasoning with someone like this. Sad to say that I have already had that “mental funeral”. My own father is dead to me. That’s the only way that this can go. He will never stop because he will never get it. This is how it needs to be for my own well being.

  9. I really do not know where to start but I’m currently at breaking point and feel like I have been for weeks, I feel like I’ve nothing left to fight anymore I’m completely shut off from my family who just think I’m stupid for always going back. I have no self worth anymore I just feel empty inside alone and scared. I always blame my self as I go back so what do I expect. Each time I think it can’t get any worse it always does. I’m pregnant 11 weeks I had my scan yesterday which ended up with me in tears as an argument started over him carrying my things round for me over something so small and would literally be nothing to me was massive for him and I ended up in tears outside the hospital being swore and shouted out. I just thought to myself another day that’s meant to mean something ruined again. Since I’ve found out its been he’ll he’s told me countless.times to abort and then when I agree he switches and im evil all I care about is going out with my friends when I haven’t been out for such a long time we’ll over a year so that clearly isn’t true. I feel like I can’t do anything everything I do is wrong when he can go out and not come back till the next day. I pick my phone up its an issues it’s just so much I just can’t deal with it anymore. He’s ripped my hair out leaving a bold patch he’s dragged me to the floor twice strangled spat in my face countless times all while I have been pregnant. Today he’s smacked the dish cloth round my face e which stung like mad I then sat on the kitchen floor just trying to control my breathing while he walked out. He’s said today “it’s a dish cloth nothing more I’ve not hit you” to me it doesn’t justify it hurts it’s degrading and makes me feel worthless. I get so mad I try explain how wrong it is but he’s ten years older then me how can he not get it. How can he hurt stress me out like that when I’m carrying hos child. I just need someone to talk to I’m so ready for this to be over and I need it to be I want to be strong and stand my ground I want to keep this baby safe and the child I already have (not his) safe but I feel so low I honestly do.

  10. After 3 years of allowing the emotional abuse and disrespect from my mother-in-law and sister-in-laws to continue, my husband and I finally were on the same page and decided to confront his mother about how she was talking about me behind my back. Needless to say, she denied it and continued to complain about all of our “faults” she perceived over the last 3 years. Even though we tried re-directing the conversation back to the issue at hand and our daughter, she kept bringing it back to her sob story. We left at the height of it and do not ever plan to return. Though it is hard to know that I’m being talked about behind my back, it is liberating to know I no longer have to deal with the disrespect that comes with having them in our lives. They are always right and we are always at fault; I learned there is no rationalizing with a narcissist because they are not rational! So frustrating trying to say anything to them that fits outside of their box of a mind. Though we are distant, we will have to deal with this the rest of our lives. I pray that God gives us the courage to be strong and not let any of this interfere with our happiness.

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