I was blind but now I see

I was blind but now I see

This site has opened my eyes to how narcissism poisons a persons mind.  I was blind, but now I see!

I totally understand what the higher power of my understanding was talking about in that scripture.  I’m not telling anyone what to believe here.  I’m just sharing my thoughts and ideas and how reading everyones stories on here has helped me heal.  I’m not alone.  I felt so alone that is until I found this site.  I also have a 12 step support group I go to and we all share similar stories much like this site.  The one difference is we are not allowed to give our own advice.  We can use the advice of the program or share what we did on a similar situation and how it helped us.  All of us are on our own journey and as adults we just want to be listened to and validated.  If we come to a decision on our own then it is most likely to stick!  Unless of course you are being the victim of domestic violence.  My Mother and I were being physically abused by my Father  and we had to get out.

My Mother went no contact.  I couldn’t I was a child and my brain couldn’t conceive that idea.  I loved my Father and thought if I was smarter, prettier, happier and just more like his “goal post” ideas and we all know what Narcs do with those goal posts.  When he took his own life over his mask being firmly removed forever (his victim told). Now everyone would know he was a child molester.  I knew he was a child abuser because he abused me but after the divorce it didn’t happen again that is because I never lived with him permanently again so the relationship changed and that was good for me.  But it didn’t stop his words.

I was down to low contact and slowly planning no contact.  I had confronted him about the abuse in ‘01.

I just didn’t get the right kind of counselling and it took till ‘11 to get a great counsellor.  I recently also found another great counsellor.  It’s not easy as counselling is expensive!  And ultimately I have to do the work!  Changing my mind set is not an easy process.  My Father’s suicide over exposure for what he did actually set me free as I realized who he really was.
I just want to thank everyone on here who shares their stories because sharing mine is getting easier and easier now!

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