I fear a continuation of the pattern

I fear a continuation of the pattern

I am married to a woman I adore, for several years now. She had previously divorced her ex-husband after many years (and children together) after discovering he was a closeted homosexual. He’s a textbook narcissist.

Sadly at least one of her children (now a young adult) and perhaps a second one has all the traits as well, and they both have abused her emotionally for many years.

While much is written about narcissistic partners and exes, not much is written about narcissistic and abusive children.

This situation only gets worse, and, as you might suspect. I too am the object of their hate but they channel it through her, not directly at me. They’d love to see us separate and divorce. I don’t want to let them win, and I adore my wife, but it’s a serious challenge a major distraction from important career and personal matters, and makes life very challenging.

I’m careful to not try to fight my wife’s battles for her, but recently had to step up and take one on, and, without getting into details, it somewhat backfired on me.

We watched the Golden Globes on Sunday night and I pointed out to her the severity of all the recent bad acts by males against females, and told her that I’m an ardent supporter of the #metoo movement and think her situation is a subset of it, though the abuse comes from her ex and her children. She actually got it, and the combined flurry of events resonated ! I was so glad. I see a glimmer of light for a brighter future. Sadly, however, she’s never been one to set a boundary and successfully maintain it, and she’s being virtually gang-raped by these people. Her mother is part of the problem, by the way. She started the pattern of abuse that the ex-husband picked up and continued.

This isn’t a new situation and she has long suppressed and conveniently forgotten many many horrifying incidents. I fear a continuation of the pattern.

My wife has engaged in various forms of self-destructive behavior a lot recently, and has recently, several times, attacked me verbally in a drunken rage, which would surprise anyone outside our home as she’s an elegant beautiful woman of class. I’m not sure how much more I can watch and endure.

I’ve seen you post people’s story on your page and ask for followers’ feedback in comments, which I welcome. Thanks

4 thoughts on “I fear a continuation of the pattern

  1. Have you considered couples counseling with a therapist? She might be able to hear things from a therapist that would be difficult and/or painful to hear from you. If the therapist sometimes met separately with each of you, you could express your concerns about the patterns you’ve seen.
    So heartbreaking! I hope and pray that you will be able to save your marriage and protect her from those who seek to harm her emotionally.

  2. I know your wife as well as I know myself. I endured horror after horror and gave and gave and gave until a light bulb clicked on in my head one day and I realized what an abuser and loser I was dealing with AND HAD BECOME. This type of treatment is an excellent teacher. Repress? Forget? I was a pro at them.

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