How do you get over 7 years of mental torment?

How do you get over 7 years of mental torment?

A week out living with my mate. How do you get over 7 years of absolute mental torment? I don’t even know who I am anymore. I’m sitting here an absolute broken man completely lost, but I’m so lonely and I’m doing everything in my power to not go back, to not pick up the phone to not give in to her mind games and complete madness, “I’m a mess.” What did everyone do to move on? 7 years of abuse is all I know and I know nothing will change, but I still want to go back!!!! What’s wrong with me?

7 thoughts on “How do you get over 7 years of mental torment?

  1. Mate, I’m right there with ya. I’ve just left an similar type marriage and had to leave my daughter behind with her Mum in England and move back to Australia to do it.
    I guess I’m lucky in a weird way for that because I can’t just ring up and go see her and be sucked back into it….But the pull is there…. I’m resolute that it’s over and I won’t go back to being treated that way because I know I won’t survive it. I have my weak moments where I miss my family, I miss the good side of my wife and our marriage…for me the key is recognising when I’m feeling and thinking these things and consciously force rational thinking to take over. “She won’t change, she’s convinced that she’s done nothing wrong, I can not live like that any more, Im a good man and I deserve better”
    Surround yourself as much as possible with positive and supportive and understanding people….and above all people you can talk to.
    Good luck brother

    1. “She won’t change, she’s convinced that she’s done nothing wrong, I can not live like that any more, Im a good man and I deserve better”. God, I am so with you on this. In his head he will never be anything but the victim. And like you, I’m a good woman. I deserve better.

  2. Going into a 8 year relationship with a narc, but I finally refused to engage for another year. He acted so hurt and still it breaks my heart.
    He opened up and expressed all the things he wants; oh but not with me; I’m not capable of giving him what he wants.
    His perspective is I have no respect, trust and I’m insecure. My perspective is I refuse to be controlled any longer.
    He is down right cruel. Blindsiding me and leaving me behind at the drop of hat when any thing new and more interesting comes along. I’ve been on his back burner for seven years begging for him the commitment and attention I think I deserve.
    But who am I to ask for anything; since I’m the one who did everything wrong in the relationship.
    Count your blessing and move on. There is life after a narc.

  3. People just think it is so easy to be done and they judge all the time. I know I am stupid for staying and keep taking him back It’s not easy it is really hard whej tou still love them. And then i questuon how do you still love someone who treats you so badly I know it’s wrong and i deserve better. Why do we Stay? Why do we still want them in our lives? I keep thinking 4 years what the hell is wrong with me.

  4. I’d say not everyone is doing that. Sometimes it depends on the person who’s claiming to be the victim and if someone was a friend for years and to them they wasn’t interested in them romantically and they conjur up this relationship that doesn’t insist in their mind, won’t understand blame the person who’s been truthful to them than all a sudden they blame them for their life and blame them for everything. But then you have a person who actually does this who hurts you intentionally then I can see. I’d say to get over this person is to finally just let them go as hard as it seems you need to live your life with or without a person in it. There’s no real answer to this. I think if you allow someone to hurt you like this then it may take you a while to get through. How I got through my years of psyically abusive,mental abuse in my past was to leave and don’t look back. I once had a friend who couldn’t let us be just friends he continued to act more like a child which turned me off. He lives with Mom at 37 quit his job and sits there blaming me for his mental illnesd so it makes himself feel about a decision I’ve made for myself. I admit I was a bit confused as I was hurt by my ex fiancee as I was left at the ulter. It yooke years yo get over it all. But in the meantime in my heading process I turned too and made some new friends yes they were make as I don’t trust females. I mean when I became close to this person all I saw was friendship even though I tried to see more I just couldn’t. See, I was married before and have three sons . I just wanted a man in my life who clearly understood what I was dealing with. So I finally found love because I was patient benjoyed my life and he came into my life. Yes he did things for me as I did him. But this so call friend of mine decided to go wacky, delusional,unsafe to be around. He became obsessed with me yo the point of saying I spread my legs yo get things from men. I dated once a year had my own job paid for my own as apartments and cars, just because a friend who I helped ba lot decided to be kind and help me because my new car that I bought was smacked on the side road and I couldn’t work in home care anymore. So after three months he found a very nice used car to help me along which was the first a person bought me. And because of that I’m being told I couldn’t do this on my own. Before meeting this friend I was happy , independent. Did everything for myself. He sits in his office space at his mommy’s house pointing fingers ,calling me a narcissist because he can’t have me. I’ve been kind and honest to this man from day one. I didn’t set out to intentionally hurt a person. He says I try to pull him from his mom and family well let’s see he’s 37 never lived on his own. I just don’t find that attractive so what I feel is he’s the narcissist man who will not accept I am married now and has blogs about me writes my oldest son showing him emails he says also I have no relationship with my son’s he couldn’t be anymore wrong. My boys call me daily, yes, we sometimes don’t agree but I am mom and they will always love me. See, I made the mistake of introducing my son to my friend but thought because they like to talk business that it would be a good idea. But no was I wrong he tried to turn my kids against me putting my son under the bus. But what he doesn’t know is my son is mine.he will always be there’s nothing hell do in his life that would stop our bond. I found it to be so disgusting to try to put a mom’s children against her just because your mad at their mom. So little does he know my son doesn’t want anything to do with him, intentionally avoids this nuts calls and says to me why does he keep sending me your emails? I’m like ask him and he States I’m not talking to this guy anymore no matter what your still my mom. So to end this on this note is sometimes the ones who blaming ,calling. Names trying to minipulate , and is clearly obsessed with you with whatever you say they twist it around so it pretrays you and the narcissist and not them. Ok also he refers my family and friends as my flying monkies how ignorant can you be. I mean just because they know him and his actions are clearly unstble and wrong they stick up for me? Is wrong? I think he’s just mad because he has no one yo stick up for him like me. He has no Friends because he becomes obsessed with them as well,even males. I’m married now happy I hope he knows he’s not hurting me anymore he’s only mirroring of who he really is. Good luck.

  5. So sorry to hear this but DON’T GO BACK. Find new hobbies, make new friend,distract yourself and keep busy. Take one day at a time and you WILL get over it.

  6. Read the short book, Coming Apart, by Daphne Kingma. It explains that after any relationship, it’s normal to want to go back and that going back won’t help. You just have to wait it out. Physical distance does help, but if moving away isn’t an option, stay strong, find people you can connect with or who can just distract you — a bowling team, something random on, ANYTHING. It gets a lot easier in time.

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