I am unable to break free

I am unable to break free

I know that I’m wrong for this, but I’m married and having an affair with a person that I strongly believe may be narcissistic.  I was in a bad place in the marriage, met this person, got involved and fell in love.  Now, I am unable to break free of them and they are doing everything they can to keep me tied to this unhealthy relationship.  I know it is and I keep trying to break free, but feel sick the moment I try to walk away.  I love him.  I’ve learned to stop telling him things about the marriage because he uses them to control me and threaten to expose me.  Now, I’m so terrified that if I get the strength to walk away, he will expose the entire affair and this could affect not only my family, but my kids, my job, my church community.  He has even threatened to come to my church and expose me to the members.  I want out, but don’t know how.  I’ve gone no contact for a few months once before.  He continued to call, text, inbox, etc.  He sleeps with women and I suspect men as well.

6 thoughts on “I am unable to break free

  1. Well sister join the club. I’m in the very same situation. He has posted very personal pictures of me on Facebook. Called my husband, and adult children and even my 80 year old parents. I walked away 5 months ago. I had to get a protection order, which by the way, does no good. My attorney refuses to call me back. Meanwhile, I get stalked and he posts pictures. Not sure what all his fat girlfriends think of that or what lies he tells them about me. It’s a nightmare and I’m ready to take things into my own hands. I have nothing to lose at this point. Jail seems letter than this life.

  2. I think it is important that you tell your husband and break free from the deception if you want any kind of peace in your soul. I recently had an affair with my husband’s friend who I wholeheartedly believe is a narcissist. Of course, I wasn’t aware of this when he started sending me love letters claiming he wanted to be everything me and the kids needed. I completely fell for his mask because I was in a horrible spot in my marriage as well. When things became clear and I realized the fantasy was exactly that, I told my husband everything. This has actually strengthened our relationship immensely, which is wonderful because all I have ever wanted was a loving, trusting environment for our children to grow up in. For your soul and for your children tell your husband the truth. Then the narcissist will have absolutely has no power over you and you can go no contact with him. Be prepared for him to reach out to everyone you know but it is worth it! To live authentically and be truly honest with not only yourself but those you care about is the only way to heal from the affair, narc abuse, and everything you have been suffering through emotionally. If your husband doesn’t forgive you, then at least you know you did the right thing and also did what was necessary to get you and your children out of situation that isn’t good for any of you. Take control of your life and sometime down the road, you will be able to forgive yourself and feel better knowing you did the right thing. The more we live against what we know is right in our heart, the more narcissistic we become, because the walls we create to protect the lie destroys our soul and integrity. Taking responsibility for our mistakes is hard but it is essential for emotional stability.

  3. Wow. Perhaps the best way out is one of total honesty. Go to your pastor. Then have a meeting with your husband and the pastor. Then take things from there, if your marriage is what you want to save. Once you remove that power from the monster-on-the-side, and take it back for yourself, you will stop living in fear. That which we hold in darkness controls us. Shine a light on it with guidance, and allow yourself the period of discomfort you’ve brought upon yourself as things “sort themselves out”. It’s grow up time, my dear.

    1. I don’t think your unsympathetic response is helpful. You have no idea how this women was in snared by a silver tongued evil man

  4. You need to run and run far, and if he threatens exposing you to the church ? Well you need to stop what you’re doing go to you’re husband and be honest and go to you’re pastor. If your husband and church don’t stand behind you and try to help you heal, then in my opinion you need to accept the consequences with your husband and find a more loving church. The affair is keeping you there with fear and if the affair is exposed he has nothing to hold you with. Go be honest with all. And kick that affair to the curb. If you have to get a restraining order , do it. and love ? Honey it is a verb and a verb is action. What you are feeling for this affair is a rush and lust. LOVE IS ACTION and perseverance. GO love your family no matter how mundane or in a rut you feel. You have the power to make each day with your family what you want. Go -rebuild- be happy and leave the affair behind. (And yes I’m speaking from experience ). And no it’s not easy. But anything worth it usually is really a struggle. I don’t regret kicking the jerk to the curb and it took a long time but my husband was hurt immensely but stood by me. My church stood by me too and helped me through it. That’s called real support. I was very fortunate for all the people helping when I came clean….

  5. Run now and run fast as u can. I did this and ended up leaving a loving caring husband. I am now 4 years down the line and desperately unhappy. The narcissist broke up with me in December and already had new supply. I gave up a life to b with him. I had the most amazing husband but was lovebombed by this jerk. Tried so hard to make it work as I felt we had to prove it to everyone that we would work. How very wrong. Hurt so many people around me including my amazing children. I can only say it’s the biggest regret of my life. I knew it was wrong at the time but felt trapped. Wish I’d run come clean and faced the consequences x

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