How do I get rid of the hate?

How do I get rid of the hate?

How do you get rid of the hate?  I’ve never been a hater but now my heart is full of hate after a relationship with a narc.  I want him to suffer for what he did to me.  All I did was love him.  I don’t want to feel like this.  Please help.

9 thoughts on “How do I get rid of the hate?

  1. I’m in your position and having to support my kids through this as well. They adore him but he’s still messing with their minds- I can see that every time they come back from contact. It makes me hate him more. So last week I actively decided that enough was enough. I am wasting my precious energy hating him. It’s very difficult but when I notice those thoughts creeping in I have started to distract myself by doing something else, anything else and it is usually something I couldn’t do when he was around. So I’ve gone out for a coffee, met friends he didn’t like, had a manicure (red!! He didn’t like red nails!), bought the newspaper he didn’t like me reading, all very trivial things really but I’ve made that choice – I’m in control now, I can do what I want. The best revenge is a life well lived. His issues will eventually eat him up but I will be living well, with nice nails!

    1. Nice touch the red nails. I have learned to do the same. My therapist has also helped me accept and embrace my hatred in a positive wat. By acknowledging my feelings and allowing myself the space to feel them I am learning to push through. Remember he did this to you, but you do not have to be a victim. Bless you!

  2. I had a burning ceremony and burnt my hate.. in note form. I was sceptical about it working but it has lifted that rage that I had towards my narcissistic mother. I now find gratitude in my life. I have not forgiven but I feel that I have moved on.

    1. I have a mother who is the same with me narcissistic, but does not treat my other siblings this way as much. It is confusing and makes me feel crazy

  3. Hi

    I can relate. Try to forgive him. Not in a I will take you back way but just keep trying with all your heart to forgive. Never forget, grow wise, and learn to never allow such a toxic person near you again. But keep trying to forgive him for you.

  4. I bought a healing course from Melanie Tonia Evans call the Narcissistic abuse recovery program. Comes in mp3. I paid for eight healing modules. I have released so much pain by doing this course. I just felt it, and thrashed out my rage in my mind. Rage went on over my mother for quite a few months. Agonising pain. But, I kept going, and now I’ve released a lot of it. There are seven stages of grief, and anger is one of them. Feel it, cry, and release your pain. It won’t go on forever.

  5. I never thought I’d be able to do it, but I did it. I still hate his flying monkey.
    It took me 2 year, but if I did it, I’m sure you’ll do too. Burning pictures help 😉

  6. This is a very viable and important question. You may or may not believe in God but the only antidote is forgivenesses. You may think it sounds crazy, but I know exactly how you feel. I married my love and He ended up a monster in hiding. Saying the words out loud even when you want to say you hate him! I FORGIVE I FORGIVE I FORGIVE
    say it until you feel a release!
    Bitterness will eat you up. Let it go. Then let it go again. And again and again. If you believe in the Lord, He surely will help you. God bless.
    From someone who’s been there.

    1. Yeh, I think forgiveness is something that shouldn’t be pushed onto anybody. Feeling one’s anger and hurt is natural, and should be embraced. Forgiveness is personal, and there is no timeframe for when it should be done; if at all.

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