Discussion Board

Discussion Board

👄 Did the narcissist in your life fail to return your possessions when the relationship ended?  My ex partner held on to a substantial amount of my clothes, shoes etc.  Is it theft?  It certainly is when they have no intention of returning them.  Narcissists are renowned for keeping your belongings.  Perhaps they do this so that you will beg for their return.  It is a sign of power and control.  Did you just let it go?


8 thoughts on “Discussion Board

  1. My partner passed this article along to me. The answer is yes. My NA never let me return to the home to retrieve my belongings when I left him. He didn’t participate in the divorce in a proactive way – and ultimately it ended in default.

    My belongings became a list that I had to provide him in hopes of during the legal process I would get them back. I feared I would not get my “stuff” back. And it was a huge source of pain. Giving him a “list” of al the items that I wanted was the same as giving him a map to what to destroy first. And largely that is what he did. In the end I got a few sentimental items back that he had no idea meant anything to me. He left the marital home eventually on his terms and I had to sort through garbage bags and filth to obtain anything of value.

    He posts on pinterest all these photo projects he is working on. Its his way of letting me know he took my camera and other items and is “enjoying them”.

    At first I was gutted about having nothing no belongings…. but it turned out to be a blessing in disguise. His abuse isn’t tied to my belongings now. And the time and distance from his NA has given me real peace and even with out these items I am happy and living in peace.

    1. Mine set all of my things on fire the night I left. I got out with my car, $600 and my dog. He did me a favor. Everything I have in life I worked for. There is no man (person) who can say they gave me what I have. I was told daily that he paid the cost to be the boss. The last time I talked to him I got to use his line on him. He was trying to hurt me but gave me a gift instead.

  2. This is where I am in the break up. He says to call him first, but he won’t answer the phone. A registered letter from my attorney is sitting at the post office, but he won’t go sign for it. He contrIbuted no furnishings. Everything is mine. I want it. Do I just walk away after I worked hard for them. Some things are an investment. My daughter is dying and my father was just killed by someone who ran a red light. I am a wreck. Any suggestions?

  3. Yes, he kept all my things. Burned some clothes. Only certain ones that he felt meant something to me. All my Dad and Mom’s inherited things. After much pleading and getting others involved, he gave me some things back. Trickled a few things at a time until I got most of it. I think he still liked having power over me. He even let our adult sons pick over my things and take what they wanted like I had died. And now he wonders why I hate him so much when he still has the rest of my things. He thought we could be friends! He was delusional! Attorneys said there was nothing I could do except “be nice to him!”
    He did me a favor by purging my closet. Unfortunately I still have to see him at family functions, but I am so much happier and don’t have to deal with him anymore.

  4. Yes, he wouldn’t let me back in to pick up things so I asked the Court to give me a date to pick up my stuff. I hired a moving van and four movers to help me. When I got to the house, it was empty. I went back to court to get another date to get my things and he was told he had to let me in to his residence to collect my things. When I went, there was nothing of mine there. He told the judge that he had warned the court that I was crazy and that proved it. Much of what is gone belonged to my grandmother or my mother and it’s all gone…..

  5. This is the second time we have split since we got married nearly 10 months ago. The first time he kept everything of my worldly possessions and called an officer to do a civil standby for me to pick them up stating that he wanted one there to prove that he didn’t hurt me in any way in case I tried “lying” again. He also tried manipulating the pastor into keeping my son and dog and I ended up having to call law enforcement to get them back.
    This time he led me to the point I tried killing myself and as soon as officers picked me up and took me to the hospital to be put in emergency detention so i couldn’t harm myself my NA took off with everything he could from my 4 stepkids and my car to my sons(not biologically his thank God) and my clothes and our birth certificates and hygiene items. He took everything he possibly could from me and is trying to convince DFS that im abusive to my son so they’ll take him thank God i was staying at my mom’s since i decided to give him one last chance about 4 months ago and she has video cameras that prove otherwise or I’d probably lose him.
    I want to take my NA to court and fight for all of my belongings including my car and even try for alimony but I’m scared to.
    I just keep praying that ill know what to do when the time comes for us to go to court.

  6. I had the self same experience where the narcissistic ex withheld a large amount of my belongings and then chose to return a few purposefully damaged in an attempt to hurt me. I never pursued trying to get my belongings back as I realised that this would simply allow the individual to exert power over me after the relationship ended. It was the best decision of my life.

  7. I’ve also been through this , not only did he turn my eldest daughter against me took her with him when he moved out He took all the baby photos of the girls as well , plus my deceased Parents belongings and photos of them that I treasured , it’s been 2 years now that my eldest daughter has spoken to me it breaks my heart every day I just don’t know were to turn some days .

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