Discussion Board

Discussion Board

Some will say that they hate their abuser and will never forgive them. Others will say that forgiveness does more for the forgiver than the forgiven. Do you believe it is necessary to forgive in order to move on and put the past where it belongs?

3 thoughts on “Discussion Board

  1. It is good to forgive – if only for your peace of mind……..Remember one thing – you fell in love with the person, you believed that he/she loved you back……Your feelings were real, their’s were not…That is sad indeed…..Love cannot just be switched off light a light….one has to grieve the sadness of losing a love, the hurt of finding out that you were probably never loved, but that was not your fault… I cannot just switch off my love – hopefully it will slowly fade, but I need to know that I am able to love, really love….just because it was misplaced does not invalidate it….Rejoice that you are able to have these genuine feelings. Remember how you felt – you can feel that again if you wish to ……….I had one good marriage – my husband died and then 7 years later I remarried – it was a disaster……it still hurts dreadfully – my heart hurts as does my soul….but that it part of what loving the wrong person does……it will eventually pass……

  2. I don’t think forgiveness is necessary for everyone. Some people may need it to feel better. For others, forgiveness just feels like condoning their actions, so it ends up making them feel worse. My mother either used to force me to forgive her or she never thought she did anything wrong. To forgive her would make me feel like she still has control over me. I have strong boundaries with her, I’ve accepted the fact she’ll never change, and I’ve gone through counseling to help fix some of the mental scarring so my past can’t control my future. I did all that without forgiving. I also literally just cannot forgive her. She made me feel worthless and helpless through her words, she physically abused me, she neglected my basic needs, she handed me over to my sexually abusive step dad, and then told everyone I was a liar. All the while I was either forced by her to say she’d done nothing wrong or that I’d forgiven her. That is why this time I’m not giving her the satisfaction. I was also extremely irked by the religious nutjobs that “required” me to forgive her. It almost always boiled down to them saying, “well Jesus forgave your sins so you have an obligation to forgive hers. All are equal in the eyes of God.” All I heard was, “you’re just as bad as the monster that abused you, so you need to forgive her monstrosities as Jesus forgave yours.” No. I dealt with the fear I’d end up just like her for YEARS (because that’s what she’d tell me would happen), so excuse me if I refuse to fall back into the same bs mentality. Some people feel as though they get their power back through forgiving. I got that feeling of personal power through not forgiving. Just depends on the person, but it should never feel mandatory.

  3. I believe, Yes. It’s really necessary to forgive ourselves from falling in to the narcissist trap but we should never forget the things we have learned from these experiences. Remember always : Never ever go back to the person who broke you.

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