8 thoughts on “Discussion Board

  1. Yes, it can be painfully isolating and traumatic. I’ve seen a category of people that congregate around and react differently to these situations:

    Other narcissists: In my situation, there was a cluster of personality disordered people who operated amorally, without conscience or integrity, who bullied threatening people with their double-standards, and they co-sign each other’s reprehensible actions. They know exactly what they are doing. They may actually agree with you about the abusive other person just to triangulate and throw you off course and not be alerted to what they are doing.

    Voluntary enablers: Sometimes co-narcissists or lower-level narcs with raging co-dependencies, who see and suspect the abuse but lack the problem-solving capacity and courage to do the right thing, and who are often receiving some kind of a trade-off or benefit for their “loyalty” to the narc, or maintaining their toxic belief. I’ve also seen where these people know but they are too afraid to become one of the targets so they intentional go along. You can see their soul being sucked out of them when they know and can’t bring themselves to break free.

    Involuntary enablers: People who are generally clueless about intentionally sadistic human behavior, who prefer to wear rose-colored glasses and act pollyanna about life and relationships, but also lack the fortitude and resilience needed to stand in the face of injustices. It’s too painful for them to risk shattering their distorted view of this person or the world, in general.

    Whatever type you come across in your search for validation and connection… the above people can cause significant betrayal and re-traumatization. Look for the signs, trust your intuition and find healthy ways to Know your truth and validate Your reality. All of the above dynamics are subtle and overt forms of gas lighting and they can become black holes if you insist on staying in the too long.

  2. Actually, I myself have done just that, after he died.. you see, you forget the bad side, or blank it out and erase it from your memory.. I don’t hate him at all, I loved him… life is too short to hold bitterness, and regret. I I just prefer not to dwell on the bad stuff, but I horrible as it was. My son feels much the same I believe. Anyway, I karma won the day as it happened, but I but there is no satisfaction in that, just a weird kind of relief!

  3. I find myself wishing my husband would die so I can be free!! I feel horrible for my children ‘s sake for even thinking it. I have lived in an emotionally abusive relationship for 37 years. It’s a living hell on earth. He has everyone convinced he’s a saint. He fooled me for so many years too.

    I knew I was losing my mind but didn’t put the pieces together until 3 years ago. Now I’m learning to mentally free myself, yet stuck because of our children.

    Each day I see myself getting closer to leaving, but I know my kids will be devastated. I feel so trapped.

    I know if I divorce him I will lose everything. He’s an elder in our church and no one would believe how he really is.

    1. I felt so bad for wishing my own husband would die just so I could freely take my little ones and leave. I’m in a situation where it’s impossible to leave because I have no money job or car my husband has full control of every single thing. Life is too short for so much unhappiness. I hope you get out and live freely and happily

  4. Yep, last one to say He’s such a great guy, you are a lucky girl, got this for a response…
    Well, let’s see, he called me a stupid snatch 3 times and a fuckstain 5times today. Yesterday it was almost double that…so yeah, I guess today I am a lucky girl….and I walked away.
    He always tells me that even his friends think I’m a stupid bitch, which really hurt in the past, but now that I know what he is doing, triangulation and gaslighting, my response is…Well, they say you’re a great guy too, so do you really think I give a flying fuck what those geniuses think?

  5. I was always blamed for everything one day he smiled and said it’s raining it’s all your fault!! It was a joke to him. He would plan my death and he would tell me that people would believe I had committed suicide because I was crazy. Over the years I was isolated and had very little contact with family only his family would matter and count and they always believed him and blamed me for everything. For 17 years I was called crazy and manipulative by the people who sorrounded me(him & his family) I’m free now and hiding, because in my mind he will kill me, I suffer PTSD and my mind is constantly living in fear.

  6. Yep I’ve been told by my past psychologist that what happened to me was par course of a NORMAL RELATIONSHIP and then dismissed
    So now I’m left fighting battles IN MY OWN with no support and to make things worse is all I read is HE HIM HIS well I’m extremely embarrassed to admit that this he was a victim and now have no one to turn too no support and am desperately seeking some

  7. My narc dad recently died. My narc sister lived at home (failure to launch).

    Sister wants the entire family estate for herself. She’s “entitled” to it all because she took care of Dad for the last 10 years or so. Nevermind she lived scott-free there for 45 of her 55 years.

    She calls us greedy for wanting her to honor the will (she’s executor).

    We’re the greedy ones to all her friends and bar acquaintances.

    All these flying monkeys call us siblings ungrateful for this great and generous sister who took such good care of our father.

    All the while our narcissister has been smear campaigning us for decades.

    She’s such a “good” person.

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