16 thoughts on “Discussion Board

  1. Is it possible to be with a narcissist long enough u think u may have sorta become one yourself or is it just the affects of the relationship and what it has done to u? I’m much better not with him but I find anytime we tried to make it work and the whole relationship looking back it seems I kinda became somewhat like him

    1. You are/were doing what is callied mirroring. Just like in school with peer pressure- you try to “fit in” by doing what you see from him. You may also be just overly critical of yourself- which will make you a victim in waiting for the next one.
      It’s not wrong to think ok yourself first, and the fact that you asked this shows you have a conciense- therefore revealing the odds of you being a narcissist to be very minimal.
      Just my thoughts.

  2. I notice all of the post and quotes about narcissistic behavior is always about men, I have not seen anything about women’s narcissistic behavior….. Amen I missing something?? Or does narcissism only affect men??

    1. I have mostly come across women narcissists. I think they just hide it better and can do way more damage to someones mental health. Men tend not to express their feelings as much so I think you don’t hear much about it.

      1. I have just come out of a very traumatic relationship with a girl I believe to now be a narcassist. In the being things were incredible I thought I had found my soul mate. I confided in her, loved her unconditionally and felt like the luckiest man alive but then came the devalue stage. She would never except blame for anything that was wrong and become physically violent, It was impossible for her to say “I am sorry” or “I was wrong” she would belittle me and mock me, she would use my insecurities against me gaslight me on a daily basis and leave me not knowing what was up. I was so emotionally traumatised I would always end up apologising and thinking I had done something wrong. Then came the brutal silent treatment on and off for months and every time I would do anything possible to show her I loved her. The final straw came a few days ago. She had been ignoring me so I decided to make a trip to see her and have a serious chat. I found her with another man… I saw it with my own eyes just feet away but she told me I was crazy and nothing was happening. That’s when her mask fell off totally. She was verbally and physically abusive screaming at me, throwing things and slapping me while I was in tears pleading for her to talk to me. The next day she sent me a text saying I was abusive, controlling, aggressive and manipulative and she never wants to hear from me again… My whole world fell apart I was never any of those things but the smear campaign had begun. Just in a few hours her whole family had blocked me…. the hurt I’m feeling right now is incredible and I’m left wondering how or what I could have done to deserve this. I get lied to, emotionally abused, cheated on but I’m painted to be the monster? Did my love mean nothing? I feel like a shell of a man and ashamed to admit how much I blame myself but through your videos I’m learning that it wasn’t my fault and I have been conditioned and manipulated.

          1. Amazing mind games is what I went through. She is now actively bragging about her new Dave on FB, (I’ve blocked her), what was reassuring is that some of her friends contacted me and told me I was much better off and offer their support of this juvenile display of immaturity.

  3. I don’t believe you do…..at the end of the day it’s matter of choice. I was married to one…….the thought of going back makes me shudder. I have been free three years now.
    I choose to help others break free with self esteem and confidence building…..Reassuring them there is a hope and a future. I’m now free, liberated and say to anyone reading this YOU CAN DO IT……
    It will never ever get easier, I use to tell myself that sat first, along with thoughts of I will stay, shut up and put up…..because who would want me……One day I just decided it’s never going to change and it’s now or never. I am stronger, happier and actually like – love myself now……you can do it.
    Facebook me if you want Rebecca Woltman @btglifecoaching x

  4. I want to encourage anyone still suffering at the hands of a narcissist….there is hope. Do not give up…..you must tell yourself it is not you, it never was you and you are worth so much more.

    I was married to one, unfortunately! Constant Gas lighting….however, it was always my fault and he was always the victim….I remember one day thinking I’ll stay and put up, I must learn to shut up too and maybe it will get better……

    It never got better, I was giving him more power…..they don’t love you. You are a toy, you are the pawn on the chess board……I was the pawn on the chess board. You are worth so much more……

    Don’t worry about where to go, don’t worry about food to eat….I was made homeless, lost my home, went under housing social services….my parents fed me and no worries three years on I am a self employed Life Coach – specialising in Self Esteem and Mental Health…..YOU CAN DO THIS.
    Key: stay single and get to know you…..start to love you…you are precious!
    Facebook me if you want Rebecca Woltman @BTGlifecoaching xx

  5. It just takes time, I read a lot of information on the internet and watched a lot of video’s on the subject and that helped a lot once I understood what I was dealing with. I know now how bad it was and it was never gonna change and my life has gotten so much better sense I have left.I do still think about her everyday but it’s more about wanting to see how well I am doing, she would just hate that!!!!

  6. Wow, I haven’t left yet just getting understanding of what narcissism is. But just tonight I feel the same way! I am beginning to wonder was this learned behavior. I have been with this individual for a year. Im and at the point im ready to go. Because he say me really thinking im the crazy one.

  7. I returned to narcissistic parents to take care of them in their last couple of years. I learned to confront bottled-up feelings while focusing on my husband and daughters.; realizing I did not want them to go through what I grew up with. Dad has passed away, now mom is the final battle.

  8. Thank you for posting this comment. I struggle in just this way. I have no doubt he (hubby of 11yrs) is a narcissist, and while I consciously know he’ll never be any different, I still yearn for what could be if he only wanted – but he cannot even fathom the concept. And since I’m no good with myself, who would want me? I feel so inadequate and incapable. I’ll never begin to consider another relationship until I can be authentic and personally happy in my own skin again. I’ve been isolated for so long, and making new friends is hard (especially when working full days and caring for kids most other times). I cannot help but wonder am I having narcissistic habits too? I hope not! But I doubt myself and it makes me shy of putting myself out there authentically so that I can make a network of friends for myself.

  9. I left my abusive ex, diagnosed with Narcissistic Personslity Disorder, 15 days ago. It wasn’t planned and I was not “ready” except for the third incident of physical abuse.. if you believe physical abuse is worse, you are sadly mistaken. The verbal abuse crippled me. I telephoned my family while he was gone because all the abuse made me suicidal. I had become so depressed and felt so worthless I didn’t want to go on. He finally broke me completely, I thought. My family had to take me to a psychiatric treatment center. Finally, my family began to believe me. He is so charming, a respected expert in his field and would NEVER do that to anyone. 10 years of this just broke my spirit and he fed off my pain– they all feed off us. We are no more than narcissistic supply. There in lies my personal struggle. That our lives together were nothing but a lie. That nothing I did was good enough to change him or keep him happy. They are not capable of love. That message runs through my head constantly. How can it not mean anything? I am working with the local domestic violence organization and they are supporting me in staying away. If not for them, I would likely have returned. I call the hotline when I think of going back and it has saved me more times than I can count. I am having chemo and his behavior escalated after my diagnosis of breast cancer. This has been a nightmare. Each day is hard but I hold on to what the DV organization people tell me– it gets better. The best revenge and the thing that will save you is ignoring him/her. Stay away! Not feeding our abuser is best for our mental health and drives them crazy. They don’t get what they need, to feed off making you feel bad, and you build your confidence when you react. Today, I cried for hours about the situation and because I miss him, despite all he has done to me. It’s a horrible addiction. Be gentle with yourself they tell me. Yesterday was better. I’m counting on a good day tomorrow. Use the resources available to you! DV support groups, counseling and move if you have to. Sometimes DV organizations can help you and if you are afraid of losing your children, they are not mandatory reporters. They’re there to help you. My abuser looked me in the face two days ago (he trapped me in my office at work. We work together) and lied to me over and over. I won’t let him close my office door anymore. He told me I was hallucinating because I called him on some of his behavior. I did not see him cheating nor hear him on the phone with her on speaker in the middle of the night. Blah, blah… you all know the story. Sometimes I have actually questioned myself! Ridiculous. It only gets worse. Stay away.

  10. Yes and ubfortunatly that person ( along with my ex and his family) is my 18 year old son. My son told me to leave after 17 years of abuse both mental and once physical. I did leave and both my kids lived with me. I was reunited soon after with a guy I had grown up with. I trusted this guy 100% and it quickly turned into love. My son at first liked him but with his dad, and grandparents in his ear he ended up hating him and blaming him for splitting the marriage up. My son now lives with his dad and has said the most horrible nasty things to me and now has stopped all contact blaming me fully for the breakup. He even laughed in my face about the abyss telling me to ” get over it” I’m heartbroken I have no contact with my son, we were so close. He is now like his dad writing horrible things on social media about me. He is also cutting all my family out of his life and his 14 year old sister. So sad.

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