(In a nutshell from a narcissist’s point of view)

When you first become entangled with me, you will always belong to me.  You become mine, my property, to do with as I see fit.  Your opinions, hopes and dreams are immaterial to me.  You need to stop thinking of yourself and put my needs above all else.  Give me all your time, attention and admiration or there will be hell to pay.  Your hell, not mine.

In the beginning you were the centre of my world.  Soon I will be the centre of yours.

You will learn to accept my version of the truth.  I will never be responsible when things go wrong, and believe me, they will.  It’s inevitable.  Don’t expect me to ever accept blame.  It will never be my fault.  I don’t make mistakes.  Instead I will shift the blame on to you each and every time.

I will manipulate you into thinking the way I do.  I will control your mind and your free will, so that you start to think that you no longer have a mind of your own.

You will become so confused that you start to doubt your own reality, your very sanity and the ability to trust yourself will be slowly eroded.

I know who is good for you and who is not.  If your friends and family are not on my team, you will be urged, manipulated and eventually forced into discarding them.  When you have isolated yourself from your friends and family, you will be completely at my mercy, having no one but me, to turn to for support.

I will read your mind.  I know what you are thinking even when you don’t know yourself.

I am above the law.  Normal rules apply to everyone else, not me.  What was once yours, now belongs to me.  What is mine, is mine.  If I want something I will have no qualms in taking it.  Borrowing is another word for permanent possession, mine.

I will control your happiness or lack thereof.  You will not be happy unless that happiness is brought about by me.  I will control your moods so that my shame becomes yours.

Do not set boundaries.  I will see those as barriers to be torn down and crossed and I will succeed.

Do not ever question me on where I am going or what I am doing.  You have no right to know.  Never criticize me for my behaviour.  My behaviour is always above reproach.  If you can’t accept that, then you have no place within my fold.

Whatever you do for me will never be enough.  You could have done more or have done better.  That’s just the way it is and will always be.  Don’t expect gratitude from me.  I will always be dissatisfied with your efforts.  When you see my dissatisfaction, you will try harder and harder to please me and do a better job next time.  I am pulling your strings and you don’t even know it.  To see your never ending struggle to please me amuses me for a time.  I deserve special treatment, you couldn’t rise to the challenge and failed to meet what was expected.

The goal posts never remain static.  They will be moved again and again to meet my   unreachable expectations.

I will continually put you down so that you are no reflection of who you once were.

If I move on or if you leave me, I will show you how insignificant you were to me, as I move on to someone else as if you never existed.

I reserve the right to come back to you when I see fit.  You will receive me with open arms as I come back into your life for a while.  Nothing in life is permanent.

If I lose control over you, I will control how other people see you.  I will let people know how you hurt me and they will believe me because I have already sowed the seeds.

Never cross me.  I will never forget and I will never forgive.  I will get my revenge.

I win, you lose.  That’s just the way it is.

Remember that you are nothing without me.  You need me.  I do not need you.

Remember that the narcissist needs somebody, anybody more than you do.  They cannot survive without their supply.  When you realize this, you’ll know that the only one being fooled is themselves.


Written  by Anne McCrea

Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse, Shattering the Illusion, now available on Amazon

Amazon UK

Amazon US


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      1. This describes my “ex-husband” perfectly. Everything written here happened to me and I didn’t even see it happening until the end. Looking back, it was all there from the very beginning. I always thought I was pretty smart but didn’t see it while it was happening. It was gradual and deliberate. Perfectly orchestrated. I lived with a stranger for 31 years. He TOOK 31 years of my life. Now, I am sure, he is doing it to his new wife/cousin. Yes. Cousin. Sick, right? I don’t feel sorry for her. Is that wrong?

        1. I can relate 100% with you and this article! 30 years. Gradual change. Didn’t know what I was dealing with but it was an emotional roller coaster ride! Divorced in 2017 and on the road for recovery!

  2. This is spot on. Even so, it doesn’t make me feel better. Over the summer my husband went through a batch of depression. In bed for weeks and I was in bed by his side taking care of him. I thought it was from reality actually finally setting in. He apologized for things I’ve been trying to explain and get him to see for years. THAT person, that broken person was who I thought was his true self. Like it hit him how much he may have hated himself and how he had treated me for some while which may have caused so much negative attitude and treatment. I still believe that is true. However, he went to the doctor, “got help “, medication and now sees a counselor. Lol he since moved out only a month and a half ago and has already resorted back to the behaviors he actually apologized for. He is on tinder, been on 3 dates. This kills me. We have 26 yrs. And 4 kids. Since he left, we still talk daily. We see each other, even have “hung out” which is awesome and I let him know that THOSE are the things I’ve been craving and wanting from him for so long, yes even continue sex. But I cannot handle how sweet, caring, fun, interested in other women he is. 1 he took out and had a ton of fun with and spent over $200 on their 1st date. Why can’t that be me? Why is he so flirty and kind to them and not me? I do ask him about them. I feel like it’s better to know. Then he gets angry and screams at me and tells me he’s going to block my number when getting too close to the truth probably. He isn’t completely honest at all, not even close to me or his counselor. I’ve seen some messages and he claims he only wants to have friends, fun, and casual sex with people different in size than me, but wow the crazy sexual detail and endearing good morning beaitiful and I miss your voice texts are heartbreaking. She’ll ask on tinder what he’s out for and he tells me not interested in a relationship and just fun but to her/them when they ask if he could be open to a relationship he replies…yes indeed!!! It’s all about the connection. I don’t get it I feel horrible and when he’s busy messaging 2 or so constantly, then he tells me we probably shouldn’t have sex because I can’t handle it. I tell him it’s not the sex I can’t handle, it’s all of it. Narcissist yes, but Also all the signs of mid-life crissis. Can someone tell me why can’t his counselor see any of the truth?

    1. Dear too much if a woman for the father of your children.
      You need to read over…and over…and over…
      The way Narcissists look the world and You.
      And now is about You!
      Not him.

  3. Great article, descriptive to a T.
    My NPD is my brother, who managed my parents’ estates for 20 years between my father’s death & my mother’s and blew through about $2M. Now it’s in the courts and I can finally accept what happened; I am vindicated. And probably “wealthy” since there is still money left and he will pay damages, if not go directly to jail. (That makes me sad. I wish it had been different.)
    Because I was the empath to his narcissist, and trained through the family dynamic, it took me many years to see what was happening. One of the first clues was seeing the pattern of manipulation. He had a repertoire of escalating techniques to get what he wanted and it was repeated again and again, in the same order.
    First, the logical presentation. If I did not buy in immediately, he went to a more emphatic “this must be done.” If I still did not concede, he went to anger, yelling, red face, gesticulating, name calling. After that, threats of every kind: “when mother finds out, it’s going to kill her!” “You’ll never see a penny of the estate!” Sometimes physical, breaking things, throwing things, looming over me with fists. Then a breakdown with tears, self injury (including trips to the ER) and regret. Then start again, being “reasonable” and doing what he meant to do in the first place, without my consent.
    This all arose, I believe, from the deaths of the older brothers when we were just 3 & 5 years old and my younger brother did not get the attention he needed from my grief stricken mother. It is such a shame that so little has been known about mental illness. I believe that genetically, my brother had a disposition to NPD, but it was reinforced by the family dynamic over decades, in a pattern that is as prolific and endless as time. “The sins of the father…”
    At least we can begin to learn and perhaps recover from these tragedies through sites like this one. I am grateful.

  4. You just described my ex-husband,my sister, my mother, I have already committed to 2018 that I well never again let anyone take my soul who I want to be just in the last week I fired my doctor,walked out of group because the leader always wants my happiness, laughter,joy of life and it’s not for sale my sister​ wanted my faith she said​ I was a fake, well are Lord Jesus Christ knows me and now has a few words for her, she be asking for him for forgiveness or 2018 looks a little gloomy we need to spread the word that we are not going to take the​ abuse any more.

  5. What makes a person a narcissist? My late husband was like this and now my son. I give and give, and give some more and at this writing he has chosen not to speak to me for over two months. The last time it was a year. First time shame on you, second time shame on me. So again, how do people get this way? Also, he is a functioning alcoholic. I called him on it and so the silent treatment.

  6. Wow… my ex relationship in a few short paragraphs. It’s incredible how narcissists all loosely use the same playbook… and sad.

  7. Appreciating the time and energy you put into your website and in depth information you offer. It’s nice to come across a blog every once in a while that isn’t the same outdated rehashed information. Fantastic read! I’ve saved your site and I’m adding your RSS feeds to my Google account.

  8. Thank you for posting the information. It is unfortunately to late for me. The damage to me and my children so severe. You have shown me my world as i knew it was real and it was hard towards the end, not to loose my mind. I am still a person working everyday to move forward. PRAISE

  9. Lynn… I just wanted to let you know your one courageous and amazingly strong lady… I myself have 27 years in this journey and up until recently when my research went into overdrive I never seen the signs.. as this is all so shocking and quiet scary I’m comforted in the fact I’m not alone,thank you… I’m so stunned and numb I’m functioning on instinct and that’s not turning out so well.. but I’m still under his control,or so he believes,I WORKING behind the scenes to get out! But I must admit it’s so very challenging daily struggle… ok,sorry dumped a load on youonly intended to say thank you⚘

  10. I woke up 3 years into my marriage and realised.
    The above has replayed quite too many a times.
    I am so sure I live with a Narcissist.
    I told him , I have discussed with him and he says he is ok with his condition and doesnt need help.
    What do I do?
    I have two kids 3 year old and 6month old
    How do I move on.
    I need strenghth to do this..

  11. I m in a relationship for 16 yrs now,married for 6 yrs,I m very sure that my spouse is a narcissist.I was very quiet about my situation up until I got sick.I was severely depressed.No one must tell you what to do in that situation,Your ll come to senses and decide what to devide,and the when you ve decided to move on,never come back.I only look back when I was sick in a mental hospital.All you need to do is discover yourself and will know what to do.

  12. I have been in this type of relationship for 22 years. I am so sad and manipulated every day. There have been many issues and I find it so hard to leave. Our son is almost an adult now and still in school (college) my husband is a functioning alcoholic that I hate when he’s drunk. He becomes verbally abusive to me and degrading. Everything is my fault, he does nothing wrong. Every day is a challenge. He puts me down and I feel worthless. When we fight and I call him out on anything he turns it around and blames me after telling me he wants a divorce because he does everything for me. When I finally tell him ok let’s divorce he turns it to make it seem like it was my idea. I’m so tired of his bullshit. But I feel trapped and unable to leave. I worry that it will affect our child. What in the world do I do.

  13. I have noted at least 5 narcissists in my life. One of the worst is the tennis pro at the racquet facility. He’s a mentalist that can injury people and does. The cover is play at your own risk and any weakness is used to be made worse. People think, oh they just over played. Or it’s age related. One of his cohorts said I was a zombie. The 5 work together. Our abused adult resource center did a news article for observers stepping in on abuse situations before they get out of hand. It helps get defenders.

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