8 thoughts on “Discussion Board

  1. Self talk and karma. Please let karma be a real thing. When I think of all the manipulative things that were done and said I get mad that I didn’t see it. I get even more angry thinking about my kids, especially my daughters who continue to go back to him and his 28 yr old gf. He’s 47 and she’s not the 28 yr old they caught him with. Girls are 23 and 25, know of other girls he’s been with and all the money he took and hid, leaving me with very little to start over with and all the lies he tells them. They call him out and they still just keep going back after he gives them the excuse of why he lied. I can’t help them, they have to wake up themselves. The boys also make me sad, they have no idea the manipulation that takes place. Saying he’s so lonely when they r with me so he does everything around the house including cleaning their rooms and 1 of them he says is his best friend. SICK! No rules, they do what they want, no consequences 4 sneaking out of the house at 1230 am. My self talk: Get up, you have to be OK 4 your kids, you can only control what happens at your house, keep your stance on your rules, stay strong 4 them, teach them as you can and pray they see things some day. I’m stronger than he’ll ever be. He’s weak and sadly uses our son 4 his emotional support. I focus on me and the boys, pray I can teach them enough to come through this stronger and hope some day all 4 of us can be closer than we were when all of this came out. Lots of work ahead and he just walks around like he did nothing wrong and his new 28 yr old gf is who was always there and I never existed. That poor girl has no clue what’s happening to her.

  2. I see a therapist who has given me a 5,4,3,2,1 sensory exercise that helps.
    I try to limit my research on narc sites, blogs, pages, etc. that focuses on gnawing on narcisissm, anger or revenge; I try to focus on healing rather than too much validation from these pages. There is comfort in being armed with those resources and information. I need that validation and assurance but try not to go down the rabbithole.
    Above all, I have to stop giving him supply by proxy – still stewing and ruminating over him, our past. It robs me of my energy and presence that I deserve and had the courage to walk away in claim of…so I need to give it back to myself. Be selfish with my thoughts and presence to where it belongs…with me and my children.
    I had the courage to walk away from him months after our baby was born so why should I keep him spirit and bad energy in my home?
    I wish I was speaking from a place of success and trained experience – I, like us all, have good and bad days. But my focus needs to be on “windshield”, not the “rearview mirror”.

  3. Recently read that it’s actually -healing- to allow those sudden (so odd for me) crying jags to just happen, instead of trying to control them to stop. I knew they must be *normal*, but thought I needed to stop them to get over this chapter of my life. I was wrong. Allowing myself to give in when my face suddenly wells up (at odd times, for seemingly no reason) has *helped*…a lot. They are fewer and fewer day by day. Sometimes they actually make me chuckle now.

    1. I am going through the same right now. I feel for you and understand. I just let go at work now anytime, there is no pride, only healing.

  4. My repressed responses to abuse bubbled up 25 years later at work, while suffering sustained psychological harassment. I resigned, went into therapy, learning a lot about NPD, abuse, and myself from those sessions. To overcome the experience, I took a short university course in psychology (the better to recognise abnormal psychology) and logic (the better to recognise patterns of verbal manipulations and fallacies). Signing up to forums like this one has been very helpful in keeping myself informed and cleaning new insights – I believe that knowledge is power, and when you can put a name to the bogeyman, his fear factor diminishes. And finally, I started my own blog, which allowed me to crystallize my thoughts and experience, and share with others.
    It has been mentioned that dwelling on such things means you aren’t truly free, and that’s a good point. I think a certain amount of vigilance will always be required on your part, as abusers tend to go for “types”. That said, my focus on – and participation in – such forums and writings is tapering off, so I see that as a positive sign of healing.

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