Discussion Board

Discussion Board

Many people who have been the target of abuse find it hard to forgive someone who is not sorry for the hurt that they cause. They feel guilty because they hold on to thoughts of revenge. How did you deal with these feelings?

11 thoughts on “Discussion Board

  1. For an entire year, I put up with her abuse. Yet, I don’t have feelings of revenge. It is because, I don’t allow the abuse anymore. As of December 2012, I told her “No More” and until she can apologize a sincere apology (stop doing what your apogizing for doing). Nearly four years later, September 2016, she apologized. So far, she has been sincere, yet, I’d be willing to bet, that behind my back, I’m #1 on her smear campaign list.
    I’m also quick to call her out on her narscistic behavior toward others! The first time, was private, but I told her then, that was Grace and Mercy, the one and only, and to expect a public rebuke next time! Needless to say, she doesn’t have much interaction with me, but what interaction that there is, she respects the boundaries that she forced me to set!

  2. I have days that I struggle but I tell myself that I can only blame the ex psycho for the first time that they abused me, I made a CHOICE to keep going back for more and I’m responsible for that. I focused on what inside of me was missing to make me tolerate such treatment and fixed me. Remember, the psychopath is only doing what they’ve always done and will always do, they tested the waters by violating our boundaries and we took the bait. Self love, self respect, self forgiveness, self acceptance. Healthy and happy

    1. I will never again accept this form of abuse calling me out for choosing to honor myself and my God by staying married. I may not know the reason why yet but I will learn and grow and honor a God in all things even in this. It was right to honor my vows and it was right to offer the love and grace necessary to allow for those vows to be honored on both sides. Now that the monster has made his final choices in abandoning his vows that’s on him and no matter what ridiculous manipulations he tries I know I did try and did not heap mistakes on top of mistakes. Now that Zgod has freed me from those vows I can be grateful that it’s over and I have no need for participating in the pop-psychology of victim blaming.

      I just pray God preserves me and protects me from new nightmares and abusers in future!

  3. I do not have those feelings. LOL You’ve got to be kidding. Guilt? Over saving myself? NEVER.
    “Forgive” ? Someone who has used ME for their sick needs? NEVER. No one has asked me for forgiveness.
    Turning my back on this person and walking (running) away is what I have done. I saved myself. The term ‘forgiveness’ has NOTHING to do with ANYTHING about -that- bold fearless move. I am awesome for surviving the abuse, and working hard at recovering so I can have a good relationship. Narcissists don’t need or deserve our forgiveness, kindness. Nor do WE need to ‘forgive’…ourselves or our abuser. Be proud of yourself instead.

  4. I went through it for 17 years with my now ex-wife. I initially had thoughts of revenge but as time went on and I found out who and what she was and began taking care of myself again, those thoughts diminished to what are now non-existent. Yes, the pain, abuse and misery were very hurtful but I am a better, wiser person because of it. We had two beautiful girls together and now I know so much about the disorder, I can spot it from a mile away and it will never happen again. My next relationship WILL be the one I’ve always wanted and thanks to my ex, she has set me up for true love and happiness.

  5. I feel it’s almost impossible to forgive someone who doesn’t require forgiveness. It’s more a letting go, for my own sake. But I’m not there yet. Hopefully once the divorce is through.

  6. Forgive this. My narc H. is trying to hand me off with a bag of food like an old dog to anyone. Absolute terror the person would be worse. I have had fabricated porn passed around my fitness club until the club pro did a deep dive to find out the truth. H xgf has the cash to hire body doubles. He’s not above drugging me to get the nudies. Every day is when will he walk out, again. He has been told 5 times not to come back but does. He owns half the house. With the whispers, another one is coming. I have some money now to end this.

  7. To be honest, I’m not even sure how I’m not stuck in that trap. Maybe it’s because I truly believe that vengeance is the Lord’s and how terrible that will be. Maybe it’s because I have too many other trapsto be watching out for or trying to climb out of after the last 20 years of marital abuse. Maybe it’s because I have to be focused on helping my youngest who is still being put through the wringer by the toxic monster. Maybe it’s just because the monster’s toxicity and power has never ended yet. The corruption of the courts so far is unending, at a year and nine months and counting (post throwing his family in the sewer). There’s still no reality to the courts except the reality of their being utterly corrupt, expecting to just wait indefinitely for me to give in to the latest demands of an abuser or be made to wait forever supposedly still married though clearly no longer married in the eyes of God, while the abuser refuses negotiation or settlement and plays games with our daughter’s life to further hurt, manipulate, control, and punish.

    This world is not my home. And apparently I might as well be mad at thunder or volcanoes as to invest much emotion in reacting to this abuse that the courts currently help him with. He just exists. He is as he chooses to be. But we won’t be trapped by his power to abuse forever. We won’t be trapped by the power of the courts to abuse and to hold hostage forever. Someday all those who choose evil and for a time are allowed the opportunity to wake up and change and begin to choose good will no longer have any power left to hurt others as they currently have.

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