Your Life With A Narcissist

Your Life With A Narcissist

No one comes out of a relationship with a narcissist unscathed. Some people will live with those deep scars for a lifetime while others will learn about Narcissistic Personality Disorder, realise that these individuals are dysfunctional human beings who have little or no regard for the people they harm and exploit and they’ll know that their lives will be so much better when these people are no longer a part of it.

Some people on this page have decided to share their experiences of how their lives have been touched in one way or another by a narcissist.

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I’ve cut contact with my narc mother for the last two months because she started to abuse me with one of her rages and I’ve realised I don’t have to take it, but more importantly that I just can’t take it any more. As for sharing parts of my abuse as a child, there were many hideous instances, the main being that she just ignored my existence. When she wasn’t spitting out verbal abuse it loved my two brothers. She tried to marry me off at 16 to a family friend that I didn’t even like to get rid of me out of the house. But now in her old age she expects me to take her into my house. Not happening. This is just a tiny insight into the abuse I had to endure my entire childhood and life.

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Recently split from my partner after 9 years of hell and manipulation. He was leading a double life pretending to be something that he wasn’t a caring family man. First he said he was separated from his wife but he wasn’t after a short time of meeting he moved in with me as I was recently divorced had 3 bedroom house and expensive car bought and paid for and money in the bank but not for long, over the years he sponged off me and kept disappearing. Then I found emails he was meeting people for sex and when I confronted him he cried and said he was sorry and that a friends emails had got mixed up with his. It was a lie, one of hundreds of lies that were to follow. He slit his wrists, had me arrested for trying to kill him but the police didn’t believe him and he was thrown out of my house. He was removed from my house in total 14 times and social services threatened to take my children. Every time I tried to get rid of him he came back, broke into the house or got in my car. The violence got worse. He tried to strangle me and I was sick after he let go of my throat. I sold my house and moved but he came with me, bad mouthed me to everyone so the neighbours distanced themselves from me. He killed my animals and trashed my car and said the neighbours had done it. Eventually I escaped by help from my neighbours and the police were called I am currently under police protection and restraining order for a year I’ve been left with a mountain to climb but already I feel better not being criticised every day and not having to walk on eggshells.

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Kept quoting bits and pieces of scripture to make me think I was going against the Bible if I didn’t do as I was told by my husband. That’s what wives are supposed to do, right.

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My mother put me down at every opportunity. If I disagreed with her about anything I was punished, smacked and ignored. Her verbal abuse was something I got used to through the years. My sister was never given the same treatment. She was the apple of my mum’s eye and never did anything wrong in her eyes. Me, on the other hand, I was the one who got blamed for everything. She made me feel worthless and I grew up believing she was right. I stumbled upon your page and everything made sense. I wasn’t the problem. She was. I’ve learned so much. I now know that she isn’t going to change and my sister has grown up just like her. I’ve cut contact with them both and life is so much better. I’ve been to counselling and read other people’s stories. You’ll never know how much that helped. I’m not alone. I know my worth and will never let anyone put me down again.

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I got the silent treatment for weeks on end. Would then walk back in my life as if nothing happened and I like a fool kept taking him back. I hate myself for my stupidity.

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I’ve been abused by my adult son. I gave him everything I could when he was a child, maybe too much. I went without so that he could have the childhood I never had but it’s all backfired. If he doesn’t get what he wants, he rages until somebody gives in for peace and quiet. He’s told me he wishes I was dead and to be honest sometimes I wish I was too. I know I should cut him out of my life but I can’t bring myself to do it.

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I grew up in a dysfunctional family. My father was controlling and my mother an alcoholic. He probably drove her to drink. When things didn’t go his way or he didn’t get the adoration he thought he deserved we were treated with the silent treatment sometimes for weeks at a time and his icy glares, they were something else. At times I just wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out. When he thought we had been punished enough he would start talking to us again as if nothing had happened. We never questioned his behaviour. We knew better than that. As he’s got older his behaviour has got worse. I have very little to do with him now. He is a very sad and lonely old man and he’s brought it all on himself.

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He made me quit my job telling me that I needed to be with the kids. I’d no money with him controlling every cent. I was stuck with no way out.

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I’ve been to hell and back with the woman I loved with all my heart. I did everything for her, tried to make her happy but nothing I did was enough. When things didn’t go her way, the only way, she was the devil in disguise. No one saw this side of her but me. To everyone else I was a lucky man, lucky to have found someone who was so attractive and obviously crazy about me. If only they knew. What they saw was a far cry from what I saw. She was smart. She never let anyone else see that horrible side to her personality. That pleasure was for me and me alone. No one who hasn’t been there will understand. She managed to bring me to my knees, begging her not to leave even though I knew that leaving me was the best thing she could have done for me. She turned everyone against me, people who I thought were my friends but she got there first with her lies and they believed her. I found out the hard way that people who I thought were friends weren’t. They didn’t want to hear my side of the story, they had heard her side and formed their own opinions. People are so judgemental and gullible. Those people aren’t my friends any more. They’re shallow. I have learned so much in such a short time thanks to this page. I was dying inside until I found it. I thought I was the only one going through this shit. Now I know I’m not. These people are everywhere, destroying people’s lives and getting away with it. She nearly destroyed mine but thankfully I’ve learned. I don’t trust easily. It is going to take a hell of a lot for anyone to earn my trust. I don’t know if I ever want to fall in love with any woman again. This hurt too much and I don’t know that I could go through it again. If they’re too good to be true at the start, there is probably a reason. Learn about these soul destroyers before they destroy your life.

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I’ve cut contact with my family because they are only family by blood. Proper family don’t treat family like they treated me all my life. It took me a lifetime to realise that my family wasn’t a normal one. I was put down by my mum and dad from as far back as I can remember. I was the reason that they had no money. I was the reason that they rowed. If I wasn’t around, their life would have been so much better. They gave up everything for me and I never deserved any of it. I grew up believing I was a worthless piece of shit because they told me I was. Who was I to argue? I didn’t expect anything from anyone and I never thought I deserved to be loved by anyone. I’m in therapy now to change my perception of who I am.

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She had me feeling sorry for her because of her previous boyfriend. She told me how he treated her so badly and I wanted to show her that all men weren’t like that and take care of her. Then when she got my heart she showed me how cold hers was. The discard was brutal.

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I worked in an office for three years, was well thought of by bosses and colleagues until a new start came into the office. She was ever so pleasant and charming at first, trying very hard to be liked by everyone. She would bring in buns for everyone at coffee break. Within a short time she was inviting people to her home for drinks. Everyone liked her but I had my doubts. I noticed she would copy the way I dressed and some of the things I said. I noticed she took credit for others work when they weren’t around. Once or twice I pointed this out in the nicest possible way. I became arch enemy no 1. She did everything in her power to turn my colleagues against me. She told lies behind my back and sabotaged my work. What hurt me the most was how easily my colleagues accepted her stories and one by one they turned against me. If I defended myself, I was being bitchy, vengeful and vindictive. Eventually I couldn’t face going to work, went off sick and resigned. I have heard that she started on someone else after I left and I believe that people saw her for what she was. I’m glad about that but it was too late for me.

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Married forty years to an emotionally abusive controlling man. He was jealous of my friends and cut me off from everyone over the years. He was jealous of the attention I gave my dog so he killed him. He talked down to me, yelled at me, went into mad rages and sometimes ignored me. Our children are grown now and have disowned their father. They saw him for what he was and encouraged me to leave and make a life for myself. I’m so glad I took their advice after defending him for years and blaming myself for the way he was. He always blamed me and I started to believe he was right. I’ve suffered ill health for years, all I believe as a result of years of stress. I’m gradually getting my health back and the stress is gone. My biggest regret is that I stayed too long with a monster. To any of you out there reading this, don’t make the same mistakes I did. Your life is too short. Get out while you can, while you still have a life ahead of you.

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Lived a double life. Told me he was away on business when he was cheating. Lied all the time to cover his tracks and make me believe him and I did like a fool.

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My husband was the perfect gent when I met him, showering me with love and affection. Of course I thought I had met my soulmate and he proposed within a few months. We were married within 8 months and it was on our honeymoon that I first glimpsed a side of him I’d never seen before. He talked down to me. He huffed when everything didn’t go the way that he wanted them to. He gave me the silent treatment, ignoring me until I would plead with him to talk to me again. I kept apologising in case I had said something wrong. Yes, I grovelled for his forgiveness just so things would be normal again. And they were, for a short while. These periods of normalcy never lasted long. There was always something that he didn’t like and always an excuse to put me down. My head was in a mess. I couldn’t figure out what had happened to the lovely man I had fallen for. I wanted to please him. I would have done anything to please him but nothing did. He was the perfect husband when we were in public but a different man when we got home. I lived like this for 15 years, my health slowly deteriorating, both physical and mental. I lost many of my friends because he didn’t like them but managed to hold on to one who saw what was going on. She told me to Google the word, Narcissist. That was a light bulb moment. The descriptions I read were my husband to a T. Eventually I packed my stuff and left. It was the only thing I could do to save myself. It took me a long time of soul searching and therapy but I have recovered. I am the person who I used to be. I’m on my own now and it’s bliss.

Some people stay in relationships with a narcissist waiting and hoping for change that will never come.

I have yet to hear of a malignant narcissist changing for the better over the long term.

Anne McCrea

Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse, Shattering The Illusion is now available in paperback and kindle.

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