Your Life With A Narcissist

Your Life With A Narcissist

No one comes out of a relationship with a narcissist unscathed. Some people will live with those deep scars for a lifetime while others will learn about Narcissistic Personality Disorder, realise that these individuals are dysfunctional human beings who have little or no regard for the people they harm and exploit and they’ll know that their lives will be so much better when these people are no longer a part of it.

Some people on this page have decided to share their experiences of how their lives have been touched in one way or another by a narcissist.

I’ve cut contact with my narc mother for the last two months because she started to abuse me with one of her rages and I’ve realised I don’t have to take it, but more importantly that I just can’t take it any more. As for sharing parts of my abuse as a child, there were many hideous instances, the main being that she just ignored my existence. When she wasn’t spitting out verbal abuse it loved my two brothers. She tried to marry me off at 16 to a family friend that I didn’t even like to get rid of me out of the house. But now in her old age she expects me to take her into my house. Not happening. This is just a tiny insight into the abuse I had to endure my entire childhood and life.

Recently split from my partner after 9 years of hell and manipulation. He was leading a double life pretending to be something that he wasn’t a caring family man. First he said he was separated from his wife but he wasn’t after a short time of meeting he moved in with me as I was recently divorced had 3 bedroom house and expensive car bought and paid for and money in the bank but not for long, over the years he sponged off me and kept disappearing. Then I found emails he was meeting people for sex and when I confronted him he cried and said he was sorry and that a friends emails had got mixed up with his. It was a lie, one of hundreds of lies that were to follow. He slit his wrists, had me arrested for trying to kill him but the police didn’t believe him and he was thrown out of my house. He was removed from my house in total 14 times and social services threatened to take my children. Every time I tried to get rid of him he came back, broke into the house or got in my car. The violence got worse. He tried to strangle me and I was sick after he let go of my throat. I sold my house and moved but he came with me, bad mouthed me to everyone so the neighbours distanced themselves from me. He killed my animals and trashed my car and said the neighbours had done it. Eventually I escaped by help from my neighbours and the police were called I am currently under police protection and restraining order for a year I’ve been left with a mountain to climb but already I feel better not being criticised every day and not having to walk on eggshells.

Kept quoting bits and pieces of scripture to make me think I was going against the Bible if I didn’t do as I was told by my husband. That’s what wives are supposed to do, right.

My mother put me down at every opportunity. If I disagreed with her about anything I was punished, smacked and ignored. Her verbal abuse was something I got used to through the years. My sister was never given the same treatment. She was the apple of my mum’s eye and never did anything wrong in her eyes. Me, on the other hand, I was the one who got blamed for everything. She made me feel worthless and I grew up believing she was right. I stumbled upon your page and everything made sense. I wasn’t the problem. She was. I’ve learned so much. I now know that she isn’t going to change and my sister has grown up just like her. I’ve cut contact with them both and life is so much better. I’ve been to counselling and read other people’s stories. You’ll never know how much that helped. I’m not alone. I know my worth and will never let anyone put me down again.

I got the silent treatment for weeks on end. Would then walk back in my life as if nothing happened and I like a fool kept taking him back. I hate myself for my stupidity.

I’ve been abused by my adult son. I gave him everything I could when he was a child, maybe too much. I went without so that he could have the childhood I never had but it’s all backfired. If he doesn’t get what he wants, he rages until somebody gives in for peace and quiet. He’s told me he wishes I was dead and to be honest sometimes I wish I was too. I know I should cut him out of my life but I can’t bring myself to do it.

I grew up in a dysfunctional family. My father was controlling and my mother an alcoholic. He probably drove her to drink. When things didn’t go his way or he didn’t get the adoration he thought he deserved we were treated with the silent treatment sometimes for weeks at a time and his icy glares, they were something else. At times I just wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out. When he thought we had been punished enough he would start talking to us again as if nothing had happened. We never questioned his behaviour. We knew better than that. As he’s got older his behaviour has got worse. I have very little to do with him now. He is a very sad and lonely old man and he’s brought it all on himself.

He made me quit my job telling me that I needed to be with the kids. I’d no money with him controlling every cent. I was stuck with no way out.

I’ve been to hell and back with the woman I loved with all my heart. I did everything for her, tried to make her happy but nothing I did was enough. When things didn’t go her way, the only way, she was the devil in disguise. No one saw this side of her but me. To everyone else I was a lucky man, lucky to have found someone who was so attractive and obviously crazy about me. If only they knew. What they saw was a far cry from what I saw. She was smart. She never let anyone else see that horrible side to her personality. That pleasure was for me and me alone. No one who hasn’t been there will understand. She managed to bring me to my knees, begging her not to leave even though I knew that leaving me was the best thing she could have done for me. She turned everyone against me, people who I thought were my friends but she got there first with her lies and they believed her. I found out the hard way that people who I thought were friends weren’t. They didn’t want to hear my side of the story, they had heard her side and formed their own opinions. People are so judgemental and gullible. Those people aren’t my friends any more. They’re shallow. I have learned so much in such a short time thanks to this page. I was dying inside until I found it. I thought I was the only one going through this shit. Now I know I’m not. These people are everywhere, destroying people’s lives and getting away with it. She nearly destroyed mine but thankfully I’ve learned. I don’t trust easily. It is going to take a hell of a lot for anyone to earn my trust. I don’t know if I ever want to fall in love with any woman again. This hurt too much and I don’t know that I could go through it again. If they’re too good to be true at the start, there is probably a reason. Learn about these soul destroyers before they destroy your life.

I’ve cut contact with my family because they are only family by blood. Proper family don’t treat family like they treated me all my life. It took me a lifetime to realise that my family wasn’t a normal one. I was put down by my mum and dad from as far back as I can remember. I was the reason that they had no money. I was the reason that they rowed. If I wasn’t around, their life would have been so much better. They gave up everything for me and I never deserved any of it. I grew up believing I was a worthless piece of shit because they told me I was. Who was I to argue? I didn’t expect anything from anyone and I never thought I deserved to be loved by anyone. I’m in therapy now to change my perception of who I am.

She had me feeling sorry for her because of her previous boyfriend. She told me how he treated her so badly and I wanted to show her that all men weren’t like that and take care of her. Then when she got my heart she showed me how cold hers was. The discard was brutal.

I worked in an office for three years, was well thought of by bosses and colleagues until a new start came into the office. She was ever so pleasant and charming at first, trying very hard to be liked by everyone. She would bring in buns for everyone at coffee break. Within a short time she was inviting people to her home for drinks. Everyone liked her but I had my doubts. I noticed she would copy the way I dressed and some of the things I said. I noticed she took credit for others work when they weren’t around. Once or twice I pointed this out in the nicest possible way. I became arch enemy no 1. She did everything in her power to turn my colleagues against me. She told lies behind my back and sabotaged my work. What hurt me the most was how easily my colleagues accepted her stories and one by one they turned against me. If I defended myself, I was being bitchy, vengeful and vindictive. Eventually I couldn’t face going to work, went off sick and resigned. I have heard that she started on someone else after I left and I believe that people saw her for what she was. I’m glad about that but it was too late for me.

Married forty years to an emotionally abusive controlling man. He was jealous of my friends and cut me off from everyone over the years. He was jealous of the attention I gave my dog so he killed him. He talked down to me, yelled at me, went into mad rages and sometimes ignored me. Our children are grown now and have disowned their father. They saw him for what he was and encouraged me to leave and make a life for myself. I’m so glad I took their advice after defending him for years and blaming myself for the way he was. He always blamed me and I started to believe he was right. I’ve suffered ill health for years, all I believe as a result of years of stress. I’m gradually getting my health back and the stress is gone. My biggest regret is that I stayed too long with a monster. To any of you out there reading this, don’t make the same mistakes I did. Your life is too short. Get out while you can, while you still have a life ahead of you.

Lived a double life. Told me he was away on business when he was cheating. Lied all the time to cover his tracks and make me believe him and I did like a fool.

My husband was the perfect gent when I met him, showering me with love and affection. Of course I thought I had met my soulmate and he proposed within a few months. We were married within 8 months and it was on our honeymoon that I first glimpsed a side of him I’d never seen before. He talked down to me. He huffed when everything didn’t go the way that he wanted them to. He gave me the silent treatment, ignoring me until I would plead with him to talk to me again. I kept apologising in case I had said something wrong. Yes, I grovelled for his forgiveness just so things would be normal again. And they were, for a short while. These periods of normalcy never lasted long. There was always something that he didn’t like and always an excuse to put me down. My head was in a mess. I couldn’t figure out what had happened to the lovely man I had fallen for. I wanted to please him. I would have done anything to please him but nothing did. He was the perfect husband when we were in public but a different man when we got home. I lived like this for 15 years, my health slowly deteriorating, both physical and mental. I lost many of my friends because he didn’t like them but managed to hold on to one who saw what was going on. She told me to Google the word, Narcissist. That was a light bulb moment. The descriptions I read were my husband to a T. Eventually I packed my stuff and left. It was the only thing I could do to save myself. It took me a long time of soul searching and therapy but I have recovered. I am the person who I used to be. I’m on my own now and it’s bliss.

Some people stay in relationships with a narcissist waiting and hoping for change that will never come.

I have yet to hear of a malignant narcissist changing for the better over the long term.

Anne McCrea

Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse, Shattering The Illusion is now available in paperback and kindle.

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3 thoughts on “Your Life With A Narcissist

  1. My beautiful son took his own life after living with a emotionally and physically abusive woman for 12 years She has lost her children and everything else but fear not she’ll find someone else to take care of her

  2. I am living with the same fear about my son. He has been with this woman for 12 years. He has severe depression, has been in therapy and is on medication. He finally came to me and opened up a little bit and it is clear that she is a full-blown narcissist. My Home In My Heart is Open to him and he knows that he could come here anytime. My fear is that she keeps pulling him back in oh, she is very manipulative.

  3. Today’s society many girls/wife face abuses of various forms by narcissist

    So let’s lean something to save against dangerous people
    Who is narcissist?
    How can it affect ?
    How to ensure safety before it’s too late!
    Narcissist appear to be like a common man but he isn’t.
    There is no cure for narcissist person as the fact narcissist feels he is right!
    Narcissistic illness is not contagious but it extremely dangerous for people around him.
    A narcissist man will get his intentions fulfilled/extract finance/emotional abuses/ mental abuse then will lose interest in his girlfriend/wife then move on in search of new victim .
    Narcissist man has very charming , attractive , pleasing personality that can trap his target & narcissist will lovebomb to such extent that the victim falls prey to the cruel intentions of a narcissist!
    Narcissist mask might fall of in months or years time depending on ;till what extent narcissist is able to extract his requirement & he will suck every bit of the energy! At times narcissist discards its target once he bankrupt the victim or when his motive is fulfilled or come across better prey. In simple words he will keep his victim till the time the victim is useful.
    Moment narcissist husband come across rich beautiful woman he will blame/accuse the partner & leave , narcissist don’t have heart so he won’t feel bad for you infact narcissist husband will create circumstances & fake evidence to prove that the female partner/girlfriend/wife was a toxic person, he will built situation to prove his wife insane to get out clean chit but reality doesn’t change the toxic person is narcissist husband.
    Narcissist easily move ahead with new relationship without any guilt.
    Narcissist doesn’t see as a lover/girlfriend/wife he sees its victim as object

    Normally the victim is so much in love with narcissist that she fails to see the red flags that narcissist indicates before causing destruction.
    It’s always the victim realise only when the victim has been torn apart, emotionally destroyed & fallen into the valley of betrayal

    If you end the relationship then narcissist will feel offended as he feels only could end relationship

    If you find red flags or you unable to identify narcissist then observe below :-
    -will threaten you of ending marriage on frequent basis
    -will threaten of leaving you without any explanation
    -has charming,attractive non resisting personality
    -If narcissist had ex girlfriends/wives & all of them were unfaithful, disrespectful, hurted him broken his heart ( that’s all wrong narcissist has done to his partners but portrayed himself as a good boy image)
    -will once love you to extreme level & all of sudden will withdraw love , become rude
    -narcissist can hold back love & affection to threaten/punish /get his orders fulfilled
    -Will make you feel like stranger or unwanted
    -will wonder his eyes on other girls
    -narcissist will say four wives is permitted so it’s his right to have more partner
    -narcissist will lose interest in you if you don’t fulfill his demands
    -his reputation & image is everything for him if you spoke about his disgusting behaviour to anyone he will either frame you as a culprit or he will give you threats to leave you or he will disrespect you & leave
    -make you doubt your self ;he will make question you your sanity
    -Turn back on the statement or events than tell that it’s your imagination / assumption such never occurred
    -Triangulation with help of his puppet
    -use flying monkeys to attack you ( narcissist brain washes your friends or relatives against you & make them attack you ; flying monkeys will create fake evidence)
    -can never respect you as you are not human to be respect , all rights to be respected belongs only to narcissist
    -narcissist are player
    – narcissist are excellent manipulator
    – Narcissist are get brainwasher
    – Narcissist will make you feel most important & very next minute will treat you as option
    – Narcissist will make you feel worthless
    – Narcissist will isolate you from the world
    – Narcissist will have habit of recording all communication
    – – narcissist will ensure to create recording of communication in his favour which he can use for his benefit when he wants to discard his partner
    – Narcissist will never trust his partner as he can see a cheat like himself
    – Narcissist cannot tolerate defeat
    – Narcissist don’t have attachment or feelings for his partner
    – Narcissist like to create dependency of victim, so to paralyse the victim
    – Narcissist will appear to be perfect
    -will Devaluation method or degradation get method
    -Breaks your confidence
    -Isolated you
    -Blames you accuse you only for everything wrong
    -Gives silent treatment to you
    -Emotionally abuses you
    -Extract money from you in various forms club membership, immigration fee, demands like gifts to be given to his family etc etc
    -Never gives you pocket money that a husband must give to his wife but narcissist is always read to place his demands
    -narcissist lack maturity
    -narcissist will keep creating problems from no problems
    – narcissist will keep digging old issue to provoke fights
    – Narcissist will push you to the extent of bursting & when you burst out then he will portray that you create fights
    – Narcissist will never value you
    – No matter what good you do & how much you do narcissist is always ungrateful
    – -the greeds of narcissist never ends
    – Narcissist only want to see his profits
    -Shifting goals or Raising expectations etc
    -Make a joke of you in public or create jokes on you when in private
    -mentally abuse
    -call the victim with insulting names
    -will make insulting jokes on you
    -will criticise you always
    -narcissist will never accept their mistakes only its victim to be help responsible
    -narcissist will never apologise
    -if narcissist apologise then he will try to indirectly tell you that he isn’t sorry
    -narcissist will taunt you always
    -the torture will start from emotional abuse to mental torture leading to physical torture

    If you know there is a narcissist in your life ;kindly leave before narcissist breaks you down or causes you complete destruction in your life

    Best way to be safe is end every relationship with narcissist
    No contact is best to recover from the sufferings caused by narcissist

    Destruction cause by narcissist may be emotional or physical or mental ,
    damages caused by narcissist might be repairable or irreplaceable
    Time to heal can vary depending on damage from months to years

    Please don’t risk life by staying with narcissist!
    Narcissist can possess threat to victim life!

    Please learn to become strong & raise the voice against injustice before it’s too late .

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