The first three weeks were great but then it all started

The first three weeks were great but then it all started

I’m reaching out for any advice/help. I have been in a relationship with someone who has been a very close friend of mine. We have known each other for 28+ years, he was married for 15 years, that ended and three weeks later had another female move in. That relationship ended and two months after that him and I started dating. For the first 6 months we lived in separate states, me in South Carolina and him in our home state of Boston. He would come visit every two weeks and buy me so many things, send me flowers and constantly tell me how beautiful I was how much he loved me and would show affection. He made me smile, laugh and feel loved. Fast forward to this past May. Myself and 15 year old son moved back to Boston (were were engaged on April Fools) and moved in with him and his two children. The first three weeks were great but then it all started. The affection slowly ended, he would get angry over the smallest things i.e.; couldn’t find his belt, lost money that he threw somewhere the kids especially the boys would constantly have to do hours of work in the summer. He got so mad that he’s thrown a chair threw the porch window and threw the microwave, he’s punched out a car window and smeared blood in my face. He’s called the children “disrespectful M’fers”. Has called me numerous names over and over. Blames everyone else of things go wrong it’s never his fault. I finally lost it last Friday night and yelled at him, called him names slapped him and left. He called the cops on me as I was driving. Now he keeps trying to get me back. Saying he wants this to work he wants to fix us he wants to be better and is in tears. I’ve decided to move back to SC and get my life back. Is it typical of a narcissist to put on the sad, upset wanting to make it work attitude? Is it because he doesn’t have control of the situation and I do? He says we owe it to ourselves to try one more time but my head is telling me I’ve given him plenty of chances. I have never been in this type of relationship and I don’t know what it’s like. Please any advice would be great. Thank you

13 thoughts on “The first three weeks were great but then it all started

  1. Sounds just like my story. You are doing the right thing. Get out and stay out. I felt it was like the ‘long con’. For this personality disorder everything you have described is their ‘normal’. It never gets better, no matter how charming and remorseful they seem. They can never keep it up – it’s to much effort for them. It’s hard to believe these people exist, that they know what they are doing. You will grieve the relationship you wanted and the friend you thought you had. Surround yourself with support and just block him, grey rock, no contact. The tears are not genuine, you don’t owe him anything. It’s fantastic you are here asking for advice and not isolated somewhere actually believing he will change. Listen to your gut – leave him behind. In a year you will look back and be so relieved that you did.

  2. Don’t try to work it out in your head because u won’t and don’t try to fix it because u won’t….Run as fast as u can and never look back!! What you’re saying is very normal for a narc and will continue even once u leave until he finds another source..

  3. Keep driving!! 15 years later moved me in next door abd started messing around with the 48 year old 2 doors down from him 3 doors down from me! Will not leave me alone! He runs back and forth. He is 62! Beat me last week for questioning him.. keep driving do not look back. Could go on for hours! But I don’t!

  4. lenora Leave very quietly . Get out! It will only get worse. It’s not fair to your children to expose them to that kind of evil behavior. You do not want your children to learn this behavior. He wants control of how and when you go. He wants to throw you out and make you a public joke. Leave as quick as you can . Don’t mess around. He’s already planning on your demise.

  5. Yes this is typical. They will say anything that they think will work to get you to come back. Don’t look back. Save yourself and your son anymore heartaches. And btw from now on BEWARE of anyone who over does it on the flowers, gifts and I love you’s. Normal people are slower and more cautious…Narcissist create a wonderful world (a mask) and when it falls off you find you are living in a nightmare.

  6. Get. Out. And don’t look back. The more you put up with, the more he will require of you. Go no contact immediately. Cut off all ties between you and him including “friends” who may turn on you and give him information. RUN!!!


  8. Your friend has got the symptoms of severe narcissism, for your son’s sake and yours, don’t go back to this childish man, he needs help, I have studied Narcissistic Personality disorder for several years now, and he’s a very violent narcissist, and their is no cure for these people, live your life and don’t let him pull you down, I would also turn him in to Defacs for abusing his kids, he’s sick

  9. Think back on your long friendship with this man. Were there signs all along, subtle but there? Perhaps some shady bs he pulled on other people? If he truly is a narc, the signs are there. Connecting the dots will help you move forward.

    I’m not yelling at you. I just want you to SEE THIS WARNING.
    First, he obviously can’t be alone, hence the new relationships with NO gap for healing.
    Second, your gut is telling you this is NOT normal loving behaviour.
    Listen to your gut!!!
    I have been a prisoner for 14 yrs. & I finally got an opportunity to leave after he assaulted me.
    I move out this month.

  11. Stay far far away.. I just went through this.. My ex narc. Kicked me out n had the nerve to put a restraining order on me, take the car from me, n did nothing but lie.. Cost me $4000 to fight the restraining order which he dropped if i agreed to let him keep car.. I agreed cuz I already had to put a down payment on another one. All I now is he was/is a complete nightmare. He has no loving relationship with his kids n allows his 16yr old daughter to do as she pleases. That was our problems is kids.. He expected ine to be n angel n his could do whatever cuz it took time away from him to deal with them. Kids are liars and thiefs, just as he is. Although I do wish I saw him around just to see what he does. I did find out that it was a good thing I recorded our convos cuz he contraindicated himself in the legal court papers he filed. Good luck and it feels great to have my life back. You will feel the same. Get the life back that you so deserve!

  12. Whatever HE is is not your problem. Finding out whAt needs healing within YOU is, in order to get out and stay out. He sounds like a classic narc. That he is this violent is quite dangerous. You stand a good chance of being on the end of a black out rage next – he could kill you. Get out and go no contact as soon as possible. You’ve only seen the tip of the iceberg of what he’s capable of. It’s gokng to escalate quickly.

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