We all have a right to feel safe as we go about our daily lives. Stalking is a crime and should not be taken lightly. Serious cases of stalking may result in a target living in a state of fear, having to leave their home or work or in extreme cases, death. Justice systems in many parts of the world have failed in identifying and managing the risks involved. Why? A lack of awareness and understanding of what goes on inside the mind of a stalker and inadequate training.
Sadly, victims are often let down by the criminal justice process with their reports not taken seriously and dealt with accordingly.
Stalking is a very much an underreported crime yet, it has a tremendous impact on those who have been the victim of such a crime.
Stalking may be described as unwanted and obsessive attention by a person or persons towards another person. This may include following or spying on their target or monitoring them by any means including social media. This may directly or indirectly communicate a threat to the victim or instil fear or distress onto their victim.
The most common form of stalking may be considered obsessional, where the stalker is a former partner who will not accept that the relationship is over. This is usually preceded by some form of abuse within the relationship and is often practised by people with a personality disorder and those with controlling personalities. This particular type of stalking is reaching epidemic proportions in today’s society and is unfortunately, not always taken seriously by law enforcement agencies.
It should be noted that stalking is not restricted to romantic relationships but may include friends and co-workers.
Why Do Narcissists Stalk?
Have you spotted them lurking near your place of work or your home? Are they invading your privacy? Normal people accept when a relationship is over and don’t show up at places where they expect you to be. You were once under their control and they want to keep it that way. They feel entitled to your attention, the narcissistic supply they obtained from you and the power they had over you. One of a narcissist’s biggest fears is losing control of someone who they once had complete control over. The fact that you have called, ‘time’ on your relationship is of no significance to them. You were once their puppet to be played with as they saw fit and they still want to have control of those strings. Their envy of you being able to enjoy life without them often becomes pathological. They are envious of the qualities that you possess that they know they can never have, such as your empathy, high morals and integrity. Your rejection of them cuts them to their very core. ‘How dare you reject me… I’m the one who does the rejecting… If I can’t have you, no-one else will.’ Just because the relationship is over, doesn’t mean that their need for control has ended. This is not all about power and control, but about ‘ownership.’ Even if the narcissist has moved on and found another person to control and dominate, they don’t want to see you moving on wanting to be a big part of your life for all of your life.
This type of behaviour is psychotic practiced by someone who is clearly delusional, jealous and likely insecure. A stalker can be dangerous going to extreme lengths to hold on to someone who they are afraid to let go of. They don’t want you to move on and find someone else.
Even after you’ve blocked them from social media, the narcissist will likely follow you by creating fake accounts or by recruiting their flying monkeys to do their dirty work and report back on what is going on in your life. (Like a spy in the sky, they want to know what you’re doing and who you’re doing it with.)
How do you respond to the narcissistic stalker?
You have got to set firm boundaries and let your stalker know that you will not tolerate this form of harassment. Let them know that you will have no hesitation involving the law and that you will report them to the appropriate authorities if necessary. If they fail to recognize and abide by your wishes to be left alone, call the police.
No contact is vitally important when leaving a relationship with a narcissist.
When all attempts at making contact with you have failed, a narcissist may use your children as a means of getting the desired result.
Stalking is perhaps best understood by both the stalker and their victim with friends, relatives and law enforcement often not taking the situation seriously, sadly sometimes, with tragic results.
Written by Anne McCrea
Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse, Shattering the Illusion, now available on Amazon