Should I have stayed to try and make it work?

Should I have stayed to try and make it work?

I left my fiancée and moved out of state. We would have days of constant fighting, then some great days then a few huge fights which resulted in a chair being thrown and breaking a window to him punching out a window and smearing blood on my face (which he doesn’t recall, his medicine made him do it). To him confiding in another female and bashing me. Now before I moved I left our house for three weeks. In that time he kept begging me to come back, I need to be home, he needs me there so we can work on us together and go to counselling. My teen son absolutely hates him but according to my fiancée it’s more about what we want rather than how the kids feel. My question is could he truly actually want me back? He says he knows he has made mistakes and is so apologetic and said we can go to counselling. Now that I’m out of state I’m really confused, did I just run? Should I have stayed to try and make it work? My head is so messed up I don’t know what to believe anymore.

5 thoughts on “Should I have stayed to try and make it work?

  1. Oh hon, please know you did the right thing. It sounds like the situation I was in – and eventually the rage will be turned on your son as well, if it hasn’t already.

    Be glad you escaped him, and PLEASE stay away. Find a good counselor that will help get your mental strength back, and cut any and all ties you have with that monster you left. He shouldn’t know where you are or how to reach you. Completely block him from your life & find the peace you deserve in your life. You will never have peace with someone like that in your life.

  2. This is not going to be pleasant for you. But you need to realize how unhealthy this “relationship” is. I’m sorry to tell you that he does NOT love you. He wants to control you & by doing these things, blaming the medication for his actions/behavior (had one who does that!), seeming like he’s remorseful & sorry, he’s clearly getting away with it & manipulating you in the process.

    You do have an ally. Your son HAS figured out something is wrong & does not want you to be with him anymore. Think about that for a while. There’s always a good reason why some kids & teenagers do not accept particular people their parents wants to be with. They instinctively know, see & or hear things you think they know nothing about.

    This sounds like it’s on its way past abuse. One day you might get attacked by your fiance & he ultimately could end up killing you & your son. I can’t tell you what to do. But you have to get help with this. Him breaking things & smearing blood on your face is only the beginning of the nightmare to come

    You need to leave him behind & not EVER look back

  3. Don’t go back. He says he will change but they won’t. They say that to get you to come back. Let him start counseling himself. If he’s serious then he will go by himself. He will get help for his anger and abuse issues

  4. Throwing chairs, breaking windows, and smearing blood on your face are absolute deal breakers. If someone does something that extreme you should run!

    But really here’s the thing that sends up red flags for me, “He SAYS he knows he has made mistakes and is so apologetic and said WE can go to counselling” . . . . Where’s his action? If he was really apologetic he would have said, “What I did was completely out of line. It’s not the person I want to be. I’m seeing a counselor to work on my issues. I don’t expect you to move back in until I get my shit under control, but if you’d be willing to go to couples counselling with me, I think it would be a safe environment for you to voice your concerns about my behaviour and would be helpful to me whether or not you ever decide to take me back.”

    With narcissists, you have to watch their actions. You have to pay attention to their entitlement. Don’t let them blame others for their behaviour.

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