I am planning to leave my narcissist this week. I have been secretly packing and planning to leave while he’s at work. I feel sick. As it grows closer I already have regret and sadness. I want to leave, but I don’t want to destroy his life or the lives of his kids. I have been raising them for several years. We do not have children together but I am very attached to his kids. I know after this week I will never see them again. I also know this is what’s best for my own child and myself. He isn’t physically abusive. Aside from that, he’s a total narc. Except his lies are mostly to improve the way others perceive him and gas-lighting me. In fact, through the marriage I have lied a lot more than him. Maybe that’s not fair to myself. What I mean is I lie to avoid his wrath, and sometimes I lie to just not have to deal with him. I lie about the amount of money I have, all sorts of things. If I don’t, he manipulates and guilts me until I give up. His tactic is destroy someone mentally to get his way. He says he’s very honest and most people believe he is a kind, funny, charismatic guy. In fact, it’s me who they think is the horrible one. They pity him. This is a ramble. I’m struggling. I have questioned myself a thousand times from every angle. Maybe I am the narc, maybe I am the personality disorder. I even went to have a complete mental diagnostic assessment done. I am not a narc. I have PTSD, Anxiety disorder and some other things, but not a personality disorder. Is any of this normal? Should I destroy three people’s lives to save myself?