She raised me so I can’t leave

She raised me so I can’t leave

Hi guys. I am not sure if this is considered NDP/abuse and would like to hear from you.

This is my story:
I am a adult in my late 20s. I am married and I love my husband. However, the same cannot be said of my mother. She absolutely hates him and I have been so stressed I am getting depression.

My mother doesn’t make him feel comfortable so he stopped visiting her altogether. I have almost been disowned for marrying my husband and now that we are married, the tension has been worse.

My relationsip with my mother has always been tense since I was young and I am always the odd one out in the family. She raised me after my father passed. We do not connect and I have been terrified of her since I was a child. She has a severe temper and I will always be blamed for her temper because it’s my fault for making her angry. I don’t feel love for her as a mother like one should. I haven’t turned to her for comfort or advice since I was a child. I am blamed for my father’s death (he died of cancer), but when I confront her about this, she said she doesn’t remember and I am absolutely hateful for making this up.

She refused to accept my husband from the start citing reasons that he is rude, has had a bad upbringing and then ridiculed his family in front of him.

When I tried to stand up for us, she said he must have been a bad influence too because I am no longer meek and she can’t stand me. She wishes she was dead and wants to die because of the way I am treating her.

All in all, that’s an average day in my life. She raised me, so I can’t leave as I want to. She blames me for not sharing anything about my life with her, she is angry at me because I am not close to her like a daughter should be and I don’t confide in her.

No matter what I do, it will be my fault, or my husband’s fault. I am scared and full of anxiety all the time. I dont know what to do.

3 thoughts on “She raised me so I can’t leave

  1. You are not obligated to stay and be abused. That is what your mother is doing to you. When you married your husband he became the most important person in your life. Hold onto him, put him first and stop the cycle of abuse. Tell your mother if she wants a relationship with you she had to respect you as an adult, respect your marriage and your choices. Please seek counselling to help you deal with this. The control she has over you has probably affected every area of your life. You deserve to be loved and to live your own life. God bless!

  2. Your own life and happiness are of the utmost importance. You and your husband have your own life and dreams.

    The thing about being a mother is knowing that when your children become adults and have their own lives and dreams to follow, you have to respect that and let them go.

    As a daughter I too don’t have the type of relationship with my mother that shows love and respect. As a mother I support my boys (now young men) in their decisions.

    I believe your life is yours, not an opportunity for someone to hold you back and make you feel that you are responsible for their lives too.

  3. Your post touches my heart so much. I, too, am the daughter of a narcissistic mother. I’ve always known something “wasn’t right” but, like a good victim, I blamed myself. Now, I’m learning the truth and I literally feel sick to my stomach that this has continued for 38 years. I can’t give a whole lot of advice at this point, except to tell you to go out on YouTube and look up videos on “daughters of narcissistic mothers” and “being the black sheep of your family.” They’ve truly opened my eyes to the terrible abuses I’ve been under all these years. I sought out a therapist in my local area who specializes in narcissistic abuse and my first appointment is in two weeks. I’m terrified and excited and overwhelmed, but I know this is a step in the right direction. It won’t be an easy road, but it’s the right road for moving forward. Good luck to you on your journey. I’m sure that if you’re like me, your self-worth is in the toilet. Please know this from a complete stranger—you are perfect the way you are and this is NOT your fault. Get into therapy with a specialized person. Don’t wait until you’re 38 like me, especially if you have kids yourself. This is a generational curse in place long before you were even born, you’re just taking the brunt of it. Remember, just because it’s passed down from family doesn’t mean it always has to be that way. You can be where it all stops, where the circle of abuse is broken. Best wishes and good luck to you for the road ahead!

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