Lost and no hope…

Lost and no hope…

Want to know how to murder someone?  Tell them you love them and never speak to them again!  I am so lost, and no one is looking for me.  I’m so very alone and just heartbroken.  I know I will never fully understand why this is.  Never know why this won’t leave me be.  Being a man that has had so much crap in is life.  So much to carry. This burden on my shoulders, emptiness in my heart, my black soul and the depression makes me look weak, and let’s not forget the NARC.  Yet she has forgot me.  4 months and not a sound from her.  I know something is coming, this is just her punishing me for standing up to her and making her get out of my home and don’t speak to me.  I’m sure when she does it will be all nice and she says, “You need to let go of me and get over it.” I have and look I’m happy.  What a bunch of B.S.  I believe the next time the Grim Reaper will come for me and I’ll let him it’s just too dark.  Yes, I’m kinda scared, but no one is looking for me, so no one will miss a hot messed, damaged beyond repair broken toy.  If you were me and felt this way every day and night wouldn’t you want to give up too?  Pain was keeping me alive.  I’ve missed out on so much, I have no more hope.  Will be more of the same.  Oh joy?  Get tired of going uphill only to find another hill.  God I am screwed up!!!!!  I’m sorry to have bothered you, your time is money. Thanks again.  I’m in the USA in the state of Oregon and did get my ass kicked by a female narcissist younger than me. Played me for a fool smirked the whole time. Loneliness is a s****y place worse when none even cares.  Never thought I would be in a dark hole alone, lost and no hope.  No one is looking for me, killing me.

9 thoughts on “Lost and no hope…

  1. I care . You are never truly alone, the pain your feeling will get better just find those who truly care about you. Don’t rush your recovery it’s going to take time and some days will be better than others , just keep moving forward. Don’t let anyone tell you that you should be over it by now, that your feelings aren’t valid.

  2. lífє dσєѕ αnd wíll gєt вєttєr. í wαѕ thєrє, truѕt mє whєn í ѕαч ítѕ nσt єαѕч. ѕurrσund чσurѕєlf wíth thíngѕ thαt mαkє u hαppч, rєαd α lσt αвσut nαrcíѕtíc díѕσrdєr thαt вríngѕ hєαlíng. thєч αrє nσt rєαl αnd ѕhє wíll rєαp whαt ѕhє ѕσwєd. hugѕ tσ u fríєnd prαч αnd lєt gσ whєn ur rєαdч.

  3. It is an uphill battle for me everyday too. I have people that care but don’t understand and I can’t even begin to try and explain to them. There are so many of us suffering evetday. We may not know each other but you can bet we care. I have started reading anything I can find about those monsters we call THE N. It has helped me to begin to understand this whole nightmare. Knowledge is power. Your not not alone.

  4. I have been where you are … Different circumstances , same feelings … Please know you are not alone and that you will get thru this. There is light at the end of the tunnel even tho it doesn’t feel like it right now. A therapist told me that my feelings won’t kill me. It took me a minute to understand what she meant . But she was right , just because I felt like I wanted to die , my feelings wouldn’t kill me. She was right , of course, and I did get thru it, and I am stronger for it and you will be too. You’ll also recognize a narcissist when you meet one right away because you know what to look for. Listen to your gut ! Hang in there , if you have faith in a higher power , rely on that . If you’re on the fence about God , seek out more info. But don’t give up …

  5. I am going through the same thing. Almost 4 months. I decided to go no contact this time. After taking him back and believing in him more than a 1000 times. Never understood, why I kept going back, and was gutted all the time. I gave him my life. All I got was someone that didn’t care if I was sad, happy depressed. Never understood, I thought he was bipolar. I never heard about narcissist abused. I had just gotten out of my 5th brain surgery, when I met him. I am a disable veteran. I realized I never did recover. Ended in the hospital bout 3 yrs ago because of a panic attack. Ii found out he was married about a yr ago. Gave him a chance to get divorced. He played me and full me again. He knew I wasn’t going to let that go, like I did with everything else,so he started looking for a replacement. Didn’t want to leave, but I couldn’t forget him cheating. He has been trying for me to talk to him. I haven’t. I haven’t even looked at him. I am not one of those woman he has in his phone. And he is not going to use me to hurt someone. He had 6 yrs to be a man and fix things. It still hurts, eventhough he still married, it hurts me to know he is with someone else. I have good days and bad days. Specially when I see him.

  6. My husband told me he would drive me mad or drive me to suicide

    My answer I wouldn’t give to the satisfaction of being THAT important to me, no matter what it costs me

    My own small vengeance,removing the narcissist from the centre of the drama he created

    Don’t let her destroy you, it won’t hurt her, she will dine out on the story for years

    The best revenge is surviving her and moving on without a backward glance knowing the person you loved never really existed

  7. I think you need professional help at this point for depression. Consult your insurance company for a Psychiatry referral or consult your County MHMR if you cannot afford it. The best revenge is happiness. You deserve to be happy and I wish you the best.

  8. WOW, your description of yourself tells me you’ve taken all the narc’s cesspool dumped on you and ACCEPTED IT. No, you’re not a broken “toy”. You’re a human being attempting to recover from narcissistic abuse. Please – go to youtube and search for Melanie Tonia Evans. She’s an amazingly comforting expert in narcissistic abuse recovery and will offer you ways to get your focus and heart back where they belong – on yourself. Only then will you begin to process through the fog you’ve been living in, reclaim yourself from the bullshit and start to not only feel better but recognize and heal the parts of you that made a narc’s entry into your personal sphere possible (and believe me, I now know mine). AND YOU WILL RECOVER. I PROMISE. Also go to Amazon and pick up “From Charm to Harm and Everything in Between” . Enjoy reading that you’re not alone at all; in fact, what you’ve experienced is very common. Find him on facebook – his daily postings are like my daily vitamin “N” – a reminder so I don’t get “relationship amnesia” if that piece of shit ever shows up again with all his covert charm (but I don’t think he will as I have his neuropsych eval, which he denies exists, so I really have his “number”). Understand: YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

  9. Go to your doctor and tell them how you are feeling it will make you feel better telling someone and it is confidential I know how you are feeling in the same boat but further on you will go through a period of missing your partner but for your own good and wellbeing stay no contact try thinking of you more and what you need to get through this do not worry about her not contacting you she probably might not be thinking of you try and distract your thoughts with diversions such as music reading going for a walk make sure you are eating sleeping and looking after yourself think of you it is hard just now but it will get better very important concentrate on you and keep in contact with people on here we are all in the same boat we totally understand read up topics on the internet and that knowledge will help you understand what is going on good luck and take care

Comments are closed.

Comments are closed.