I’ve never been treated so poorly by somebody

I’ve never been treated so poorly by somebody

We met in October 2014. Although he was asking me to marry him within weeks, we married September 2015. He is now 53, I’ll be 29 this year.  I’ve never been treated so poorly by somebody.  I knew nothing about these kinds of people. Why is it so difficult to get away? I filed for divorce February 2017. He cried promising to be a better man, blaming me and everyone else for the way he is.  He has the addiction problem, pain pills.  There’s no confronting the lies because then I’m being a drama queen, backing him into corners, and making him walk on egg shells.  “I’m 53 years old, I don’t need to answer to anybody!” But yet I’m supposed to? I got screamed at when I mentioned getting a part time job.

Since I’ve filed we are still living together, he was supposed to have spinal surgery, but they won’t do it unless he quits smoking, “how much do you want to bet on the 7th I’ll never touch one of these again, I have to do it for my family” he didn’t, then lied and hid cigarettes.  The most I was doing was holding him accountable so he could get fixed.  But I was a bad person for it.  Part of holding off court was so he could do surgery and in meantime (estimated 1 month) we would go to counselling.  We’ve had 1 session which was not helpful, and the surgery most likely won’t happen anytime soon.  I have concerns for other drug use.  Why am I still here when I know I don’t want to be with him, I know I deserve better, so much better.  I’m young and going into my prime with a child (7, not his.) He’s old with all sorts of health problems.  He’s being especially nice now, trying to get me to move us to Florida, 1500 miles away.  My mind won’t let me think, won’t let me act.  I see it, I just can’t do it! How!?

There’s so much more and I’m scared it’ll get worse overtime.  Time he doesn’t deserve from me anymore

14 thoughts on “I’ve never been treated so poorly by somebody

  1. It sounds like you married my ex husband. RUN! He won’t change. You didn’t do anything wrong except trust and believe the wrong person. He is amused and empowered by the fact that you love him while he abuses you. You child is being permanently damaged by the environment even if you aren’t seeing abuse there!

  2. You’ve got this guy’s number!!!! He isn’t going to change. Get away from him! It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it!!!! You are right! You have a whole life to be lived ahead of you, and you won’t be able to do that with this guy controlling every moment.

  3. Hi. I feel for your situation. I recently got out of a relationship that was with a Narcassist so I can relate to the feelings. Constantly walking on eggshells, never wanting to talk about your day, feeling like your emotions don’t matter etc. For me, it was hard to walk away too. Every time he tried to “pull away”, I tired harder to keep us together. In the end, I just finally had enough and realized all it was was control. That’s all it ever was and all it ever will be. Your husband is using manipulative tactics to keep you around because he wants and needs control. He doesn’t believe you will ever leave…..until you do. As you mentioned, he is in his 50’s and you are heading into your prime. He is an adult and can take care of himself. There is an article about “the narcassist and the empath”. It helped me realize, although I am not the most empathetic person, I was the empath in our relationship. Always trying to heal him, help him, bear his stress. No matter how much you do, it’s never enough. This kind of person only knows how to take. They do not know how to give, not genuinely. Eventually, I blocked my ex partner on every social media outlet and even my phone. His only form of contact with me is email, and even then it goes to my junk folder. I shipped all his items back to him just so it was out of my house and out of my life – to eliminate any reason for communication. It was extremely hard, and the first few weeks, I kept asking all the same questions. But with a narcissist, you will not find an answer. I have slowly come to accept that and to work on myself rather than worry about him anymore. I hope you find your strength again because it is in you. The best way to get your control back of you is to have absolutely no contact. No matter how nice or mean he will be. Reading about narcissist and their traits and behavior helped me at least understand the person he is. Going to counseling helped me work on me. And having no contact helped me find myself again. I know you can find your strength and move forward for you.

  4. Keep the divorce going move out and get with family who’ll support you emotionally and file a restraining order. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE. you will die every day emotionally physically etc because of depression and they tie you tighter and tighter into their web. Get out now you know this isn’t a healthy relationship. Love yourself AND JUST DO IT AND DON’T LOOK BACK. (Still married after 29 yrs to one ITS HELL JUST GO )

  5. He will never change no matter what he promises !! Take your child and leave. Do NOT move anywhere WITH him! You can start over without him. You and especially your child deserve better.

  6. Run. Go to a family member. He won’t leave. He will always have an excuse. You need to leave. Gather your import documents, like your child’s birth certificate, shot records, your marriage license, your social security cards. Mail them to your family member ahead of your departure. Pack a bag for your child, pack a bag for yourself. Put them in your car when he is not looking. Tell him you are taking the child to the store. Go to the bank and withdraw the money. Leave. Go. Run like your ass is on fire. Seriously. Go to your family member. Withdraw your child from their school. Enroll them in the school by your family member. Do NOT answer the phone when he calls. As a matter of fact, dismantle the phone and get yourself a cheap Tracfone they sell at Dollar General or someplace like that. Do not speak to him. You said you filed for divorce. Tell the attorney you could not stand the emotional abuse anymore. It’s not like there is going to be a custody battle. Also, tell everyone, EVERYONE, what this man has done to you. I am sure he has made it so you do not have contact with your family and friends. Here is the thing. This is why you need to act so drastically. As yourself this question: DO YOU WANT YOUR CHILD TO GROW UP THINKING THIS IS ACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR? DO YOU WANT YOUR CHILD TO THINK IT IS OKAY TO ACT LIKE THIS? DO YOU WANT YOUR CHILD TO THINK ALL RELATIONSHIPS SHOULD BE LIKE THIS?

  7. I am divorcing my husband of 2 years, we have bern together 9. He is a very sick person, it has caused me emotional and physical problems from all of his “craziness”. He is a narcissist, an addict, and bipolar. From what i have learned, these people will never change, couples therapy does not help because they have no conscience, and do not feel they need to change. They are evil, toxic, dangerous people, and they will destroy you. Please try to find a therapist that is familiar with addiction and Narcissism, and leave him as soon as possible. I know it is hard, but try not to let him upset you, this is what he wants. There is a website i found from a therapist who does webinars about Narcissist Abuse and Recovery, her name is Melanie Tonia Adams, it is very helpful. I know what you are going through, but please,never think any of it is your fault, he is a very sick man.

  8. Being in a relationship with this type of person is an addiction. I know I was with one for over six years. I felt as though I was dying inside. He would drag me back in every time I left him and go through what is called love bombing. It made me feel hopeful and I would stay with him in this vicious cycle of love, then he would go into a degrading phase. It was up and down, up and down. He made me feel I could not survive without him. Every time I would go back it became worse, much worse! The emotional and verbal abuse was making me physically ill. I finally had enough and have blocked him from my life. I realized I had always been strong before I met him. I also realized he was doing very little for me, except to hurt me and make me feel horrible about myself. He wanted me to move with him, away from everything I know but I realized how isolated I would be and how much control he would have. So my advice, read about people like him, find the strength inside yourself to get out. It is unhealthy for you and your child to stay. RUN and don’t look back. Cut off all contact. This is not a normal breakup because you have been with a person who is unstable, not normal. This will take time to get past but you will survive and will be a stronger person! There is no rationalizing anything this person does…..best of luck!

  9. Run! I am married to one right now. I am 34 and he is 51. I walk on egg shells every single day. I am constantly called stupid, because I am a woman. He has put his hands on me twice, put a gun in my face once. He gets angry so easy so I am scared to say ANYTHING around him. I always agree with him out of fear. He believes he is better than everyone else. That the reason he gets so mad is because other people do it. It just baffles me he thinks he is so entitled. He talks horribly about other races. we have a daughter and I just filed for a divorce last month. I am scared out of my mind but I know nothing is going to change and I will NOT let my little girl grow up with someone like that. I am done! Run!

  10. That first step can be so difficult, but you have identified there are issues that are very concerning to you. If you have friends or family that you can talk to, do so! If not, find a local counsellor or someone – You need the support that they can give you.

    If you have made the decision to divorce do not let him talk you out of it. You started proceedings for a reason, and those reasons with not go away regardless of how much he pleads or says he will change.

    Stay strong. Stay strong for yourself, and for your child.

  11. My story is almost identical to this. I met my ex in October 2011, was engaged by January 2012 married April 2013 and moved out March 2014. He was 8 years older than me, with back trouble (he had a spinal fusion 4 months after out wedding), a smoker that kept promising me he’d quit with a pain pill addiction before and after the surgery….he was a cheater, a liar, a manipulator, he would blackmail me and Gaslight me and was abusive on every level. We tried counseling, he came to 2 before he started mocking the idea of it saying it was for crazy people and I was the only one of the 2 of us that needed counseling because I was crazy. I’m telling you now… It will never ever ever get better. Everytime you say you’re going to leave and don’t… Every time you believe his lies… He learns how to do it better the next time.

  12. I am going thru a divorce with a narcissistic as well…we are seperated as of now..he cheated on me and I forgave him and now he wants to work it out. ..I gave in and we spent the weekend together and yesterday he asked to log onto my fb and I said yeah …than he told me I had to delete people and guys ect …it’s all about control ..i feel I don’t need to prove anything to him since I didn’t cause this

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