It’s all about control

It’s all about control

I just wanted to say that I’m frustrated. Today should be a day of rejoicing. New beginning.

I just can’t bring myself to going to my inlaws for another meal of horrible food and drama. I just want to stay home and celebrate the day with my own children.

My husband and I have been “guilted” to this year after year. For the past 24 years to be exact. How do we gracefully bow out?

We have been told that we will be celebrating my husband’s and my birthday as well. He will be 52 and I will be 51, but not for a week. We both have stated that we do not wish to have dinners nor birthday parties, but they continue. It really cuts into our personal family time that we do not get much of with our two college children.

I do not mean to seem ungrateful, but it is every holiday and every birthday for every family member and I’m just tired of it.

When we try to get out of it, we are pummeled with 20 questions on why!

Do you have any information that I could read on or suggestions of sights that I could go to in how to handle these situations? It’s just control.

Thank you.

3 thoughts on “It’s all about control

  1. It doesn’t matter what you do you will always be doing something wrong because you are related by marriage . Bite the bullet , say you are sick , or you have other plans with someone else,might as well rip the bandaid off . I did it for 10 long boring years , listening to the old buggar play the piano , sit and be bored shitless , watch the matriarch cook the golden meal blah blah blah … if it’s your husbands family let him deal with the questions , take back control of your life !

  2. Breaking the mold of family traditions can be one of the most difficult and most freeing things we can do. I did it last Xmas.

    The only person keeping you from doing what you have said you want to do is yourself. Simply state the reasons you have said here, if it helps rehearse before speaking and stick to the point. Stay calm and do not be drawn into making excuses – you are being gracious and giving them reasons. You are setting a new family tradition for your own family and putting them first.
    Your children and the rest of the family will see a side of you that will surprise them. Just sit back and drink in the admiration and respect! It only takes one to break the mold you never know who will follow.

  3. I dunno, I tried for years to break the nonsensical idea that husband’s adult children, by then in their 30’s, should continue their childhood visitation schedule with him for holidays. They were lazy, drank too much, and wouldn’t help with cooking or cleaning up. It exhausted me. My husband fought any change. By the time I left that dysfunctional mess, they had married, multiplied, and there were 9 awful house guests several times a year. It didn’t work for me to put my foot down as they all viewed me as their beast of burden. We are now divorced, thank God. I’m viewed as the bad guy, destroyer of the family. You have to be prepared for the unthinkable – divorce – if you take a stand.

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