I’m beginning to believe I’m the one with the problem

I’m beginning to believe I’m the one with the problem

I feel I already know the real answer, but I’m afraid that after years and years of narcissistic abuse from different partners, I’m beginning to believe I’m the one with the problem.  I read lists of narcissistic traits that you post and feel like some of them are applicable to me…especially when speaking of abandonment.  I am currently trying to put a plan in place to leave my fiancé.  I feel that he is extremely narcissistic and controlling.  I have told him multiple times that I don’t want to be with him anymore, that I don’t want to be in any relationship, and I’ve given him his ring back.  I’ve tried to leave on my own and he stopped me from leaving by taking my keys and blocking the door and threatening to call my daughter’s father (who is also a narcissist) to tell him that I’ve run away with our daughter.  I’ve asked him to leave.  He may leave for a couple of days, but will come right back.  We live in an apartment so I can’t change the locks, nor can I take his name off the lease until it is time to renew.  I’ve been secretly trying to devise a plan to leave and get myself and my daughter away from him.  But, then I read these lists and begin to feel like I’m narcissistic and selfish because I would be leaving him with no explanation. Ghosting him, I believe it’s termed.  Should I feel like this?  We are talking about a man who wants constant control over me, what I wear, what I post on Facebook, places I go, etc.  He is very self absorbed, so much so that he will drive everywhere so that he can use the seat heat/ac in my car because the one on the passenger seat is broken.  And I’m not just assuming this….he told me this.  I’m scared to leave because I have no money and no place to go really.  I moved here for him, took a huge pay cut, hate my job, and I have no friends or family nearby.  He keeps telling me that I have him, like that should just be enough.  In my heart, I know what’s best, but my brain tries to trick me and tell me that I’m being narcissistic.  Help!  Any advice would be appreciated.

4 thoughts on “I’m beginning to believe I’m the one with the problem

  1. Wherever you and your daughter moved FROM, there has to be someone who will take you in. You’ve been “doing the dance” with him – back and forth, back and forth – so he won’t see it coming. Don’t give him one single moment of warning, be gone. He will find you, he will torment the living hell out of you. It’s going to be your responsibility for yourself and your daughter to not come back to him or what you’ve experienced so far will seem like a fairy tale. You owe your abuser no explanation. You owe yourself and your daughter a chance at a decent life – you deserve it.

  2. When you are the co-dependent one and not the narcissist it is simply termed going no-contact because they will stalk you because they believe you are a possession and not an object. Often you will need to get a no contact order or restraining order. It’s not ghosting, that’s what they do, we do no contact to get out lives back.

  3. Google Melanie Tonia Evans for a start. You aren’t the one with narcissism. He has messed with your head sufficiently to try and drive you crazy. Get out as fast as you can and never look back.

  4. You know in your heart the right thing to do, Trust your heart and leave a man who wants absolute control over you. Go no contact and no explanation needed.

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