I feel like I have no hope

I feel like I have no hope

I’ve been with a man for 13 years and we have two children ages 10 and 11.  I’ve tried to leave more than three times for varying lengths of time and I always come back. My life has now spiralled completely out of control and I feel like I have no hope.  I don’t have anyone to talk to anymore because I’ve said it all so many times and nobody wants to hear it anymore.  I’ve heard so many times that it must not be that bad or I wouldn’t stay with him or wouldn’t keep coming back.  He has never physically abused me and we are not in any danger, which is another reason I haven’t been able to get help from any agencies or anything like that.  I have called YMCA domestic violence program but since he doesn’t hit me there is no help there.  I have seen multiple counsellors, and most recently I went to a free counselling session at domestic violence shelter type place and again there was nothing anyone could do or tell me to help me.  I want out of this so badly but I cannot do it and I don’t understand why.

I have turned to some really terrible coping habits that are only helping to make me feel more guilty and terrible about myself.  I am now completely dependent on a man who basically hates me but will never leave me, unless and until he finds my replacement and then I’ll be yesterday’s news.

Anyhow, I’m sorry to ramble, I just wanted to see if maybe there were any options, resources, anything that someone might suggest.  Thank you so much for your time, I really appreciate it.

7 thoughts on “I feel like I have no hope

  1. Hi, have you tried speaking to Women’s aid or family lives matter?? I spoke to both and they were incredibly supportive and very understanding of the impact and pain that emotional abuse causes. My driver to go was understanding that by staying i was teaching my girls that his behaviour was OK. Either ok to be treated like that or that it is ok to treat people like that. I wanted neither of these for my precious girls. Not sure if that’s helpful or not? But believe that you can do it. It will be tough. But then it will be better. Much better. X x

  2. Hi yes I’m in the same place right now only ive got toddlers. And its only emotional abuse me and kids. One you’ve have to find something for yourself. Positive for me I’ve been reading my kj bible. Then try and to something u like and try to uplift yourself by fostering positive relationships.

  3. Leave and don’t look back. I’m in your shoes as we speak. My kids are 2 1/2 and 5. 9 years with this narcissistic sociopath. A relationship full of lies and head games. Other women and constantly being told it’s my own fault. Every time I left a month would pass maybe two then I was perfect for him and let’s be a happy family and constant calling texting begging and frustration on his part. It’s hard to walk away. I move out of his house in a week due to his cheating again and telling me I need to change to get any respect from him. Ha! I got a no contact order so to speak… we communicate through a notebook about the kids only calling if it’s an emergency. Let’s see how that works. Only way to end the cycle is leave. Be strong through the tears and remember your own worth.

  4. Emotional abuse is as damaging as physical abuse. You need to get out. He needs the counseling but even if you love him, don’t stay while he makes changes. Contact some churches and look on Craig’s list as people sometimes rent a room. There are also elderly that need a live in caregiver, so you can inquire at caregiver companies. It’s not you, it’s the program nature of the abuse that keeps you stuck. God bless you.

  5. Hi I was in a relationship for 37 years In the early stages I tried to leave many times,he was expert at hoovering me back,played on my need to give my children a traditional family. After the last time I tried leaving he was picked up by police attempting suicide, this sealed my fate as I didn’t want that on my conscience.I had no idea who I was dealing with,forever the optimist I went on a roller coaster of forgive and forget ,forget and forgive forgiven so much forgot where I was.What I didn’t realize is while I tried to teach my children to be loving they were learning from him to disrespect me the way he did.What made me leave was discard stage , fear of my safety and mental state.I came out alive and no one I could turn to. He had be busy with smear and slandering me to everyone in my life.Destroyed every relationship I valued,If you don’t have the strength to leave for you benefit find the strength to leave for you children, while they are still young.There is always someone that will help.Lots of good people out there.Help sometimes comes from the most unlikely places.Knock on any door you can think of. Praying for you.

  6. I went through years of abuse. Now I question why I stood it so long. Life is so shot !! Accept what he is. Books on narcissistic personality disorder do help once you are away from him. It will then all make sense. One day he will cut you off dry, like mine did. Don’t wait around for that to happen. YOUR life is too important. Get away. Start again and don’t look back. Yes it’s hard even when you are away. I won’t lie. Facing up to it and letting go is just as hard. But believe me, this will only ever have one outcome. He will eventually dump you with no second thought when he finds his next victim. In the meantime the lies and abuse will continue. Get out !!! Set up and enjoy your life. You deserve it. Everyone does that has been through hell at the hands of these pieces of skin.

  7. I lived with a man for over 15 years with narcissistic personality disorder, he was a cheater, mentally abusive and physical..it took me many times of leaving him and being sucked back in with manipulation and guilt trips. He made suicide attempts, whatever he could to entrap me. I had 4 children to him during that time, I finally got the strength and took my power back and got out..it was hard, but after a while of being on my own I felt liberated!! He harassed me for months of course until he found another victim..so my advice to you is to take your power back! You won’t regret it

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