I don’t know what I can do to help her

I don’t know what I can do to help her

I have been told that someone who is a victim of a narcissist must choose to leave the relationship on their own.  That outside influences will not help encourage them to leave and that often they will be looked at as a threat and shoved away.  I am very concerned that a family member is experiencing this but I don’t know what I can do to help her.  Are there any resources available for friends or loved ones of those who are being abused emotionally by a narcissist?  If you have been in a similar situation – either as the abused or as the concerned family member – what was helpful in your situation?

3 thoughts on “I don’t know what I can do to help her

  1. Looking back on my own situation, what helped me most was support from people who encouraged me to make wise choices for myself. Especially seemingly small choices. Oftentimes, people in these types of relationships are constantly being told what to think, how they should feel, & what they’re to do by people who don’t have our best interest in mind. It’s hard to understand who to listen to & who not to. We don’t need another voice coming at us with advise.

    The victim in the relationship hopefully will come to the place where they realize on their own that the narcissist is a toxic person, who they need to cut ties with. But we need a safe place to draw those conclusions for ourselves, in our own timing. If you want to help your friend, ask yourself if you’re willing to be there in the dark times, as they are figuring this stuff out. When I began to evaluate who was really there vs. who only said they were there, I began making sounder choices about which people I should have in my life.

    There are a lot of great resources available. Some of the most helpful ones for me are/were: Author, Lundy Bancroft and Counselor, Patrick Doyle. Bancroft is an expert on helping people affected by controlling & angry people. You can find his books anywhere. Doyle is a counselor who happens to be a Christian, who worked through the damage of having abusive parents. You can find YouTube videos from him dealing with various topics of unsafe people/relationships.

  2. From experience no you can’t make them leave the abuser has them to scared and in my opinion brainwashed into thinking no one else would have them if they did leave. Just keep encouraging your family member that they are worth the world to you and that if they ever decided to leave to let you know and they always have a place to come to or that you will help them find a safe house, most every city has one. Keep encouraging them not to listen to the negativity they are being fed and keep encouraging them that this is not healthy for them and kids (if applicable in my case 3) and for months after they have left keep encouraging them because they will be so damaged and scared they will feel like back with the abuser is the safe place I have been gone 12 years and sometimes it still messes with my brain. Keep loving them and giving them the courage they need to make the decision only they can make. Always support never put them down for not leaving when you think they should. Unless you have been in this kind of situation please understand you can never understand. Telling someone that you wouldn’t put up with it makes them feel like they must be what the abuser says cause they are still there so the self esteem just gets lower. Just tell them things like if anything happens tonight etc after abuser goes to work/sleep call me I will always have my phone close for you. There is an app they can get look up Dr phils wife. It is called Gloria smiles I believe but not sure of the first name the app will walk them through what they can do. Good luck and I hope this helped. AND KEEP PRAYING TOOK ME 13 YEARS TO GET MY COURAGE.

  3. I didn’t listen to a word anyone said to me. Luckily, my friends started just supporting me and saying they would be there for me if I needed them. He finally left me, which is a blessing because I’m not sure if I would’ve ever left. They have been wonderful. I wish I would’ve had the courage to listen to them years ago because they saw what I was too blind to see.

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