Do I stay or go?
Ask the group please as I am stuck: my narc boyfriend and I have a 5 month old. We live together in my house. Despite drunken verbal and emotional abuse and condescending, passive aggressive barking about every little thing in my home, I walk on egg shells and became this submissive, weak person who rather acquiesce than stand up for myself because I would rather keep the peace. After a domestic incident in February and escalating emotional and verbal abuse, we started counseling and it has given me the forum to speak and feel freely. And after a sobriety agreement, he broke that and lost my trust. Then last week for my birthday, another unnecessary fight ensued and I overhead him on the phone soap-boxing the smear campaign and spreading lies and inaccuracies.
My 12 year old daughter lives with me part time and she has seen some of his nastiness and sees his manipulations…he is baiting her favour and trying to gain her sympathy and pity for his case, which infuriates me.
For the sake of the baby, well…everyone really, I asked him to move out and he won’t. I want a family and he is getting his own counselling now, I am too, and he swears he is going to change. I want to keep my family together but I don’t fully trust he is changing…just that he is trying to win me back and avoid missing his baby’s life. I sense desperation but wonder if I am giving up.
Do I stay or go?
6 thoughts on “Do I stay or go?”
I have spent much wasted time waiting for the “moment of change”, putting myself & kids in emotional Hell.
LISTEN to your inner voice!
You already know the answer to this, of course.
You must go. Now.
Much love to you.
When my baby was 3 months old I left my husband. I haven’t looked back since. If it wasn’t for saving me it was for saving her. We are now getting a divorce. Best choice I made by far. If you are willing I encourage you to leave him. Continue to get help via therapy. The therapist will keep you on track.
Trust your gut and run. I did with my 1and 3 year old and have no regrets. It will only get worse over time.
The longer you stay in this situation the harder it will be to break free. I stayed with my husband for much longer than I should have out of an obligation due to children; and I have never regretted that decision more. Leaving will fuel the fire initially but it is harder for a narcissist to control from afar (however they will certainly try). Get yourself a good family lawyer that is well versed with this personality disorder and have strong influential family in your life. These are the only two things which have helped me stay strong and not crumble. You don’t want your child to be exposed to behavior early in life that they will learn is “ok” if you stay. Sorry I feel like I’m preaching; but this is certainly a very similar situation to the one that I left and continuously have to deal with now (5 years later). Narcissists never change their self absorbed ways – they just camouflage their coat in order to get what they want upon occasion. Get out while you have the gumption to do so.
I was in the exact same situation. He was staying in my house and refused to leave. It feels (and is) stupid to leave your own house right?! Yet, I decided I had enough. They are NEVER EVER going to change. I literally took my two baby’s, went out for a stroll and never came back. Of course I had arranged a place to stay for a while. That day, week, I was sick to the bone, but also realised that this was it. That day I started with literally nothing, well actually at -100 because of all the payments etc I still had to make on plans and house. I terminated all contacts the day I left. Still, even starting at -100, I felt so good. So free and actually felt that the -100 was a 1000x better than the situation I was in. You KNOW what you have to do. You can do it! Good luck
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