How do I not marry a narcissist?

How do I not marry a narcissist?

I grew up with an NPD mother and an entire family of “non-offenders” (those who support an abuser and prevent resistance or escape) 7 years after going total “no-contact” with all of them recovery is still gradual and hard. I hear so many stories of people in my position who have gone on to date/marry a narcissist and the idea terrifies me. How do I make sure to not do that? Thanks for your thoughts.

4 thoughts on “How do I not marry a narcissist?

  1. I didn’t know what narcissistic abuse was until after finding out that the guy I married was living a double life while convincing me I was crazy. So much of it was exactly like my mother had put me through when I was a kid.

    Looking back, the love bombing was probably the clearest indicator. Growing to genuinely love someone takes time. If someone you’re seeing is making declarations of love and seems to be your biggest fan in the world only days or weeks after meeting you… they may or may not be a narcissist but they sure as hell aren’t healthy. As tempting as they make it to get caught up in it, don’t. Run.

  2. Follow Nose Rule 1: If it smells bad, it is. The problem with growing up in a household like that is that they teach you that you’re supposed to make them feel good and you’re supposed to let them make you feel bad. No, you’re not. If in any way you get the message that you’ll be allowed to feel good when you learn to be “cool” enough, get out.

  3. Hi, I left my entire family too, and am in the same boat as you. My advice is to go and get really well. As in ‘do the entire psychological recovery,’ required when you’ve been narcissistically abused. I have been five years away from my entire family, and five years out of a psychopathic relationship involving children. It is almost impossible to find a non- narc partner, when its all you’ve known. A lot of it has to do with self-esteem, co-dependency, and self-belief. You date, see a red flag and leave. When well, you’ll witness the red flags straight away. Its about coming out of the darkness which comes from years living in an environment filled with people using mind control to squash you. You’ll find someone. Trust, don’t get too attached, and know how to leave if you have to.

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