He wants to control maintenance money

He wants to control maintenance money

My ex narc is now saying he has some sort of plan to force disclosure of how I spend the maintenance money. And evidence. He will make me use it more appropriately. Because I am helping our older child with the money. Any idea? 😞

3 thoughts on “He wants to control maintenance money

  1. Are you going through the Child Maintenance Service to get this Maintenance?

    My narc tried exactly the same. He offered me more money than CMS have awarded me, but he wanted to put all sorts of conditions on it, and if I broke any of the conditions he was simply going to stop payment.

    I decided to accept the smaller sum and no conditions.

    It’s just another aspect of them trying to control the relationship. Mine is still trying to dictate how I spend money, a year after we split.

    He does not have any rights to tell you how to spend it. And if you go through CMS, it becomes a statutory payment, which can be enforced, if he decides not to pay.

    Unfortunately, it’s the only way to deal with these “men”.

    Good luck

  2. I agree. CMS is the way forward and means for me personally, that the rules dont come from me but CMS! Something which my narc ex cant argue with. Plus its a period of time where they have to pay what they are told. Regardless of what they say and how they wish its spent! The clue is in the name, maintenance, so how whatever you do to make your child happy and safe and loved, is what YOU decide. Not him. X

  3. Hi if you are uk and get it via the child matainence service, he has no right what so ever to “force a disclosure” of where the money goes.
    Unless you sign a legally binding contract with him, its just him again trying to control the situation
    Dont ever rely on matainence money though. In the uk if done through the correct channel they can remove it directly from his salary before he gets it if he refuses to pay. But they take forever to sort anything. Just use it as extra money. Dont ever guarantee on it. Some men quit their jobs when they know they cant get their own way re child matainence.
    Stay strong. Only answer when you absolutely have to and keep that to a minimum. And if you are uk go through the official channels. You dont get much, despite the tales of men being bled dry, but you need have no contact with your ex re it all – they do it for you.
    Stay strong x

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.