Everything is always about him

Everything is always about him

I was in a relationship with a narcissist and when the relationship ended we remained friends, best friends.  Slowly but definitely I began to realise that I was a means to an end.  He wanted me around when he didn’t have anyone else and spoke of our bond and how it could work out between us.  How important I was to him and how he was working on his flaws.  When I challenged his change of behaviour as soon as another woman was around he accused me of being obsessive, an over thinker and too sensitive.  Then I would be subjected to the silent treatment.  Everything is always about him and blamed on a previous addiction problem.  We had a period of time where we didn’t speak during which he encouraged others to tarnish my character.  Then we made an attempt to patch things up.  Now I’m pregnant and he has a new girlfriend a week after being with me.  He wants me to terminate the pregnancy but says he’ll be there when it’s born but not before.  He’s very manipulative with the language he uses and doesn’t ever give a straight answer to a question.  I want some clarity on his intentions.  This child is innocent and for the sake of him or her, I want him to be involved i.e. coming to scans etc.  I don’t want to be with him or spend unnecessary time with him.  I do however want our child to have two parents that care.  I’m finding his disregard and hatred towards me difficult to deal with.  I don’t know how best to deal with it for the good of the baby.  I can’t speak to him without accusations being made and my every word being turned on me. All he cares about is that his new girlfriend stands by him and believes he is the charming, genuine man I once thought he was.  Thank you.

14 thoughts on “Everything is always about him

  1. I think you’d be doing your child a huge favor by letting the narcissist go on his merry way and not be involved with the child. You know these awful people do nothing but destroy relationships, use and hurt those who love them. You don’t want to foster that onto your child if you don’t have to.

    1. Run my dear. Do not even think that he’ll be there for you 100%. They are selfish, selfish, and selfish! Ask God for sttenght because it hurts to know that these monsters will never change. Especially if a child is in the middle. Good luck

  2. Love yourself and your child.first and foremost. If this man is a narcissist as you say, run do not try to negotiate or have him involved in your life anymore. He will use and manipulate your child against you, and that will surely break your soul. God bless you, I hope you find the courage to do what you.must do.

  3. I was married to a narcissist and we have one child together. Everything has always been my responsibility; pregnancy, delivery, doctors, therapy, and so much more. He always claimed to live his child, and on some level he does; yet, like the pseudo love he has for me, it is exactly that way with our child. Our child has suffered deeply with my ex-narc and the healing process is very slow.

    As long as a narcissist is incapable of true empathy and compassion, their ability to parent will be negligible.

  4. When someone shows you who they are, believe them!
    He has done that. What makes you think he will somehow be different now?
    Do you want your child to endure this going forward, or worse, he teach your child to be like him??
    It happens that way, alot.

  5. I have a child and currently going through a divorce. He’s using our child to get to me. I wish I’d have sole custody and him completely out of our lives. I know it’s hard, but I wish I were you and I’ll just claim full custody of the child. You do not want to deal with this man later on, for the sake of your child. My husband was never there for me, not even when I was pregnant, but he’s quick to play the role-model father when there’s an audience. As soon as nobody is around, oir daughter doesn’t exist. You’ll be doing yourself and yoir child a huge favour if you get him completely out of your lives.

  6. Yip – run is the correct thing to do! I wouldn’t impose a narcissist on a child in any shape or form unless you want the child to have psychologically/emotional damage when it is older.

  7. Trust me, I’m in a divorce right now with a narcissist and I only wish I didn’t have him around my kids! He has turned my teenager against me and is working on my younger son. He holds my kids over my head to get what he wants. If you can get him out of the picture before he can control you through your child, do it!!!!!!

  8. I love my children. But straight up honest truth, if I knew he was a narcissist before I gave birth, I would have definitely terminated.
    Not only are they selfish children, they CAN NOT coparent. Judges are well aware of people like this but the justice system protects the criminal.
    Children are not better off with both parents especially when one is Disordered beyond help.

    Then, go in to the future and picture having a relationship or family with someone else. Your current Narc won’t allow that and your new beau really shouldn’t have to suffer too.

    I’m sorry. The idea of a child sounds fantastic but that’s exactly what it is…a fantasy.

    O and I have 2 narcissistic ex’s that I have children with and the second one (15 year marriage) is doing the exact same things as the first. At 50 years old, this man is playing the same games as when I was divorcing the 26 year old.

    If I had learned my lesson the first time…

  9. Count your blessings if he’s willing to step away. I walked away with a child from a narcissist and it’s been hell on earth for the last 1 1/2 years over custody. He was never really there. But tried going for full with one lie after the next. She’s little and already suffing psychological damage. Very hard to prove. Thankfully in counceling. Even that was a fight. ! You’re not dealing with a sensible logical person. There is and will never be any type of co parenting.. If he’s Willing to step away. Let him!

  10. please make yourself a favour and raise your child without this bad man….i don´t think he will be any good to this child, he will not help you anyway with him and if he told you to terminate the child then i hope you will leave this monster for good….he will not be a good father he will cheat on you he will only hurt you because he will love somebody else, he will manipulate you, put you down, suck the happiness out of you, these men are no good and it is always better to raise a child alone as a loving mother than with a father who wanted to get rid of him. thats what i think

  11. He was funny and seemed so positive and I lik d that . As we dated for 7 years and lived in separate houses
    I have 2 and didn’t need a
    Dad role in their life . During those 7 yrs odd things happened he accused me
    Of cheating lying and being insecure , I questioned his status of not
    Being married he would
    Deny and
    Say you pretty girls are so messed up well guess what he was married and lied for
    7’yrs and I carried the
    Blame thinking it was me. I went to
    Therapy and offered
    Him forgiveness and we married 3 months into the marriage I wanted
    Out all his
    Lies were coming
    To surface . Oct we married Dec
    He had
    Put in jail stating
    I hit him as I payed my debt to society it got
    Worse his lies and degrading actions his verbal and physical abuse was and did break me and I ran and left the state to hide so he
    Accused me
    Of taking cooperation secrets when that
    Didn’t work he claimed he was
    In a coma and
    Was sick
    And didn’t trust his kids , he lied . He has no remorse for anything and blames others for his abusive ways. Once again I’m trying to get away from this narcissist psychopath abuse . Scared
    You bet I am

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