Do you think before you act?

Do you think before you act?

Dear Michael, Thank you for helping others with your personal perspective. The irony is, you are actually helping others in an apparently selfless way – which is, as we all know, contrary to the Narcissist’s way.

As you have said in a previous post, the learned behaviour of the narcissist is ingrained from a very early age – from a narcissistic parent or someone else as an authoritative figure.

I hope you do not mind me asking you, but as you have become *aware* of your personality and the narcissist traits, has this helped you to *change* in your attitude towards relationships and how you treat people generally?

Do you think before you act or say anything now – or do you still have to be in control? Or has the realisation set you free?

It would be nice to think that some Narcissists do actually *see* themselves for what they are and find the strength to change for the better.

Thanking you


I can only speak from my experience and growth, with that being said, after a LONG time of destruction and pain inflicted on others I have come to the point of being aware of how I treat others. I can see and feel the pain I have caused and the suffering I have inflicted on ones I loved.

I am fully aware of my disorder and what I have done. I take each day as a victory that I can go without “relapsing.” I know it is not something that can be cured with some magical pill and I need to work on myself each and every day to restrain from going back to who I was.

My attitude towards relationships has grossly changed and I value and cherish them more now then ever before. Although I know I have done irreversible damage I know I can look forward and treat the new people in my life with respect. It is not something I am proud of BUT I am proud of the fact I have seen the abuse and damage I have caused and am making every effort to stop repeating it.

I 100% have to think before speaking or acting, it has NOT become second nature yet and at times I do see myself falling back into old ways. I do however have a great accountability group and working daily to improve myself. My relationships have improved drastically, some have forgiven me, others disbelieve me and have moved on. I cannot control how others think and feel about me.

I hope this helped you and answered your question.

Sincerely, Mike

4 thoughts on “Do you think before you act?

  1. Is there a group or did you just do this by yourself and what made you finally realized what you were doing? Maybe a Narcissist who has lived it write a book to help other narcissist…don’t know if that has been done, but if there is a book I can think of sending that book to someone who has a birthday coming up and maybe it will help him realized what he has really done to my daughter and to others before her and possibly afterwards. Oh but he may have to help reading as he is dyslexic, but he can read perfectly fine….
    What do a narcissist do when they are faced with the opposite sex that is also a narcissist?

    1. I had a REALLY good therapist and a lot of self awareness and acceptance. Like any recovery, it is a daily walk and a daily process. And like recovery, each day gets easier and more enjoyable to live. There are a couple books out there, I can not quote any because I do not have a desire to read about another narcissists issue or problems. Like a drug addiction, reading about anothers struggle isn’t going to help yours. Need to look forward, stay positive and remember why I am where I am.

      As far as facing the opposite sex, I would THINK llike the same sex, you would avoid them. Can get any supply from another narcissist.

  2. Have you been able to heal past relationships that you have been in? My husband has narcassictic traits and is in recovery for addictions. It seems as if he seeks out new relationships because it is easier to create new relationships than to work thru issues with those who have loved, and supported him thru the years. I was wondering how you have addressed the relationships of those you have harmed?

    1. I have addressed many of them. I have been open and honest about my disorder, that I am in recovery and that I WILL make mistakes again. Most of the people welcome me back with open arms, some, the damage is to great and they wish me the best but we part as friends.

      With family, it is all fine. They know why I’ve acted the way I have in the past and are accepting of me working on a plan of fixing myself. The #1 thing is accountability for me. As long as I have people willing to stop me and say “hey, you need to chill ans step it down a notch” I am ok. Reprogramming your thought process is not something easy and not enjoyable, BUT, my life has been SOOO much better since accepting it and moving forward.

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